Tuesday, October 19, 2004
New video by The Donnas
Unicorns, zodiac signs, and chicks that rock. What more could you want?
New Prescription Drugs For Musicians
Brozac - eases the disappointment of white guys who wish they were from the hood
Britalin - for American singers who unconsciously try to sound British
Divanol - controls excessive melismas and over-emoting
Tylenol-MP3 - for the pain caused by illegal downloading
Polka-Seltzer - fast relief after a night of beer barrels, cabbage rolls and half-steps
Eminenema - for the release of excessive pent-up rage
Reggaine - regrowth for those thinning dreadlocks
PeteBestrogen - relieves the disappointment of being kicked out of bands
Sinatracal - your croon won't be the only thing that stays smooth with this high fiber powder
Dylanol - clears nasal passages fast
Protoolamine - relieves wavering pitch
Jambandivent - for those headaches caused by excessive noodling
J-Lotrel - for media overexposure of all kinds
Keefix - a reanimating elixir, endorsed by Keith Richards
Cherzone - for relief of pain from multiple plastic surgeries
Calexipro - to manage anxiety related to niche marketing
On this page you can see exactly who will be on your ballot.
Michigan only. Anyone living in Guatemala should call their friends in Michigan and ask them questions.
Uh...flying lawn mower movie?
Call me simple, but this little movie had me laughing all the way to the... ...I got nuthin'
Hey jackasses, our job is hard enough without you dillweeds printing up handbooks on how to "create" situations when none actually exist.
I guess the "Colorado Election Day Manual" is available. In it, the Colorado Dems give advice on how to throw their arms in the air and make a lot of noise claiming voters (particularly minorities) have been intimidated away from the voting booth:
"If no signs of intimidation techniques have emerged yet, launch a pre-emptive strike."
C'mon guys, we're better than that.
This is how birds have sex.
Now Jennifer can sleep at night.
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."
FINALLY! Drummers' days are numbered thanks to P.E.A.R.T, the Robotic Drum Machine.
I'm certain the "This is Lock and Loll" guy is behind it somehow.
eats chutes and leaves.