Wednesday, March 02, 2005
...and other changes to the Star Wars Trilogy.
Either Matt Tobey or Rob Theakston needs to enter the My Little Pony Fan Fiction Contest.
"Her tail swishing NorthStar carefully and slowly stepped forward. The light caught in her lavender hair, causing it to glow."
You may have seen this, but here are the Superfriends re-enacting scenes from Office Space.
and in case you've forgotten how funny it was here are the Superfriends re-enacting the Budweiser "Whasssup" commercial.
Oh my goodness, I can only imagine being in this audience and wanting to cry because this is so stupid:
The scene: The Starbucks Licensed Stores Awards ceremony, a celebratory/motivational leadership conference, held this evening in the fourth-floor ballroom of the Washington State Convention Center. "Boring stuff, as usual corporate things go," writes our man Cilantro. But things took a turn for the surreal when the emcee announced "something special for you all--Jefferson Starbucks!" after which the hydraulic stage rotated to reveal a pretend band comprised of the upper-management folk the audience had heard speak earlier in the evening. "They were standing in front of a huge American Bandstand-esque 45 single dangling in the air," writes Cilantro. "And they all had on rock 'n' roll Halloween costumes: pink glitter wigs, white fishnet shirts, fake leather pants, as well as big fake instruments--a huge, oversized piñata guitar and keyboards. It was like a living cake decoration." From this most promising of plateaus, Jefferson Starbucks quickly ascended to the heavens, lip-synching their way through a company-specific rewrite of Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City," the 1985 anthem that made fresh headlines last year by topping an international critics' poll of the worst songs ever. But tonight, Starship's crap was Starbucks' gold, as "We Built This City On Rock 'n' Roll" was reborn as "We Built This Starbucks on Heart and Soul!" with lyrics rewritten to celebrate the Starbucks way:
Knee-deep in the mocha/making coffee right
So many partners/working late at night
We just want to build here--IMDS, does it pass?
We call on development to complete the task!
Living the way of being,
In the Green Apron Book!
Don't you remember?
We built this Starbucks on heart and soul!
The rewrite even replicated the weird helicopter news report that appears in the middle of the original: "I'm looking out over hundreds of partners on another fantastic leadership conference and I'm seeing a bunch of everyday heroes!" "I couldn't fucking believe it," writes Cilantro. "The rest of the crowd was stunned, too. Eventually, the emcee berated them--'Come on you guys! Dance! This is your band! This is for you!'--and the crowd half-heartedly got up and just stood there." (A moment of silence for the million silent deaths experienced by the audience during the song's merciless four-minute-and-48-second running time.) Best of all, before his departure, Cilantro was given his very own copy of the inexhaustibly mind-blowing song, pressed onto souvenir CDs and distributed with pride by Starbucks stars. Dear Cilantro: Thank you for surviving and sharing. Humanity is forever in your debt. Dear readers: To hear "We Built This Starbucks" in its entirety, click here.
This kid wrote a fictional short story for English class about zombies overtaking a fictional high school and now he's being held in jail because Kentucky thinks he's a terrorist.
"On Thursday, a judge raised Poole's bond from one to five thousand dollars after prosecutors requested it, citing the seriousness of the charge."
I stumbled across this site called WhyNot.net where they explore topics like "Why don't they invent a vibrating alarm clock I can wear on my wrist when I need to wake up before my wife?" and "Why don't they put audio-in jacks in cars?"
Hmmm...I dunno. Good question.
Attention perverts who used to enjoy ThatsJustNotRight.com: The site host Justin has launched a new site called DontLinkThis.com.
He e-mailed me and said I could link it, so there.
damn those are funny...
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy