.:DataWhat?:.

On :54W .:DataWhat?:. turned one year old.

To commemorate this event, I'm going to ditch my Yahoo mail account and shift over to a Gmail account.

The e-mail is now:
DataWhat@gmail.com


During the whole Tsunami coverage phase that the site went through, I scooped up a whole crapload of spam (everyone involved is quite content with my penis size, thank you very much, and while it is flattering to recieve all those e-mails from the deposed king of Nigeria, I'm not giving you my bank account information...so, good day to you sir) so we're starting afresh.

Who knows, maybe next year we'll go old-school and get a Juno account.

Whoa. I just saw Tadd Mullinix outside Thanos today (looking preeee-cisely like Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver) and now I just heard the Dabrye song "Hyped-Up Plus Tax" in a Motorola ad on the televizzle.
See the ad and jam out to the tune here .

::


man I think these are funny...

::

I thought the innernet struck prevert gold today when someone sent me a link to Jenna Bush undressing on the beach.
Turns out it's a a hoax, but that doesn't stop me from dreamin'...oh and if any female DataWhat patrons can explain to me what is happening in foto 5, I'd really appreciate it. What in the world is happening down there?

::

Oh, and Rob Thomas' record debuted at no.1 on Billboard.

#1. Goddamn, that's a lot of white people buying albums. You know they all bought it and then ate a big dinner of fried pizza shooters and flair at Chalotchkie Malone's to celebrate. "Honey, finish your francheezie! 'According to Jim' starts in 10 minutes, and after that I'll require you to perform during the first minute of Rob Thomas' new solo joint!"

::

Nice work Grand Moff Dorkin. This dude built himself hizzown solar death ray.
Man, that thing cooks a chocolate Easter bunny like nobody's business.

::

Wow, some people are really tan,and other people have small heads, this lady(?) has the best of both worlds.
She makes me think of tomatoes for some reason...

::


"I looked into the trap, Ray."

::

Thanks George
Thanks J-Lo
Thanks Lee
Thanks Horkulated

I was talking to somebody on the South Side of the building about a program that had stopped running correctly, and when he looked at it he said he was surprised that it ever ran at all because the way it was coded, it should had never worked in the first place.

Buddy, this site's for you. Pretty dork-specific, but basically it gives daily examples of horrible, redundant, and contradictory code.

Example of a typical comment:

My favorite part is the fact that he's doing a do loop instead of a
while so he has to check for an empty list inside (why he didn't just
check it before entering the loop is another WTF). If he just
changed that around to:

while (!IsListEmpty(List))

then he wouldn't need

if (discoveredEntry)
goto DoNextListItem;
else
break;

Of course the real WTF here is the goto since all it serves to do is jump him past his own ASSERT!

::


"Have you seen this Moshing Girl?"

::

Rockabilly wildman/certified lunatic Hasil Adkins? He's D.Y.K.
He will eat no more hot dogs.

::

Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon and Michael Jackson molests little boys.

::

Wal-Mart Offers Customized CDs

Wal-Mart has introduced an online custom CD burning service that allows customers to buy tracks without downloading them to a computer.

Users select and buy the tracks they want, which Wal-Mart will then burn to a personalized CD. The service charges $4.62 for the first three songs, and 88 cents for each additional song, plus $1.97 for shipping. Based on those fees, a 14-track CD would cost $16.27.

The new service is positioned for consumers who do not have CD burners or broadband Internet access, but who still want to take advantage of the flexibility that digital music provides.

Awesome! There are some Harry Nilsson records and an old Varnaline EP I wanna get! Oh, what's that? You guys only have the rights to the Universal catalog and Karaoke tracks from Sybersound? Uh...never mind...

Also, now apparently you can get married at Wal-Mart.
Sorry, white trash only.

::

Two Star Wars-related items:

A truly spectacular re-imagining of The Last Supper with Jedis and scoundrels.
One criticism: No blue milk.

And if anybody's sitting on $40,000, they could buy me this full-sized X-Wing on eBay.
"Because of a truck wreck several years ago, only 8 of these ships still exist."
Duh. That's why I need this one.

::

Cute one for the ladies: This Polar Bear is soooooooo cuuuuuuute.
Awww...lookit' im.

Cute one for the fellers: This Scarlett Johansson is soooooooo cuuuuuuute.
Awww...lookit' em.

::


Gotta go, I gotta get over to Wal Mart and burn some CDs.

::

Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Box
Thanks Entensity

I come to the game a little late, but guys taking photos of what's behind their monitor and using that as their wallpaper (i.e. "Transparent Screens") is nerdy and cool.

I have no idea how he's doing this....

::

Equally nerdy: Jar Jar in Carbonite.
And equally cool.

::

Beyond nerdy: Maeve and I listened to Monty Python's "Spamalot Original Cast Recording" today.
Highlight: The little Klezmer bridge during the song "You Won't Succeed On Broadway (if you don't have any Jews)"...Jennifer, you'll scream like a pitsele meydele.

::

New State Quarters:


::

Justin Hawkins from The Darkness recording a solo album?
I'll listen to it.

::

'Member that Professor that had his laptop stolen? Looks like he made up a lot of that stuff just to try to scare the kid into bringing it back.
Fooled me, I was about ready to give him mine, just in case.

::

All Right! Looks like they're screening Serenity in Chicago next week!!!

What's that? it sold out before 7am this morning? Dong Ma!

Ah well, I'll just pull that gun away from my mouth and read this interview with Nathan Fillion and Adam Baldwin instead.

Highlight:

Nash: Yeah, you have the English-Chinese dialect...how difficult was that?

Nathan: Learning a line phonetically?

Adam: Not too hard.

Nathan: Not very.

Adam: Now, if it was long passages, there were some guys -- like Alan (Tudyk) – who had a lot more trouble with it.

Nathan: Alan couldn’t do it.

Adam: Jane didn’t have too much Chinese. It was like a “screw you” here and a “humpin’ dog” there . . .

Nathan: Dong ma.

Adam: Dong ma, yeah. There were some other characters that had more of it,but it didn’t affect me.

Nathan: I had a lot of trouble saying, “The explosive diarrhea of an elephant.”

Holly: Doesn’t exactly flow off the tongue.

Nathan: Heh, no. Not a slippery phrase.

::


A car covered entirely in keyboard keys.

::

Thanks Maeve
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Earl
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy

Image via Wooster Collective

::

This guy makes DataArt.
He writes algorithms that create art. Nice job.

::

I posted a photo a week or so ago of a bus pulling through HUGE snow drifts. The story is explained here.
Strangely enough, no photoshop involved.

::

Seen the Serenity trailer yet?
Shiny.

::

Here are some Kid-friendly products that aren't really kid-friendly.

Marlboro Yellows?

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Lee
Thanks Maeve

Nice recap of the Motor City Music Conference at Whatevs.org.
Including what may end up being Porchsleeper's Press Photo.

::

DataScott found this at Meijer:

Does this seem un-PC to anyone?
Having the Asian girl saying "Treat yourself Light?"

::

Attention Thanks Firefly Fans: The Trailer for the upcoming movie "Serenity" should be available on Apple's site Tuesday.
I'm guessing it'll be Here when it is available.

::

Photos of people Shaking their Faces.

Photos of Celebrities Blinking.

No idea why I find these so entertaining, but there you have it.

::

Ladies and gentlemen: IncredibleHulk.blogspot.com.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Hulk's tummy feels a lot better because Hulk called up Doctor Strange who is not a real doctor but a magical doctor and he helped Hulk make sure his tummy felt better by using his "Eye Of Agamotto" that glows real funny and he said that Hulk shouldn't overindulge with sweet, sweet candy. Thank you Doctor Strange! That stupid "Medical Board" may have taken away your license to do medicine for real, but you do OK by Hulk!

::

Go to this site for Random facts about Vin Diesel. Then hit Refresh.

Vin Diesel invented Snapple.

Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.

Vin Deisel's body is covered in overlapping armored scales, and he can digest the carcass of a goat in under an hour.
He truly lives up to his reputation as King of the Lizards.

Vin Diesel's right femur is made of Tootsie Rolls.

::

Potential movie posters for upcoming Star Wars sequals.
Heh heh, "Looking For Love In Alderran Places"

::

Beards.
fuckloads of 'em.

::

These Weight Watcher Recipe Cards from 1974 would make me wanna lose weight too:


"Um, I guess this is a salad best enjoyed at the house of that one scary lady down the street who never leaves the house and talks to her knicknacks.

I showed this card to a friend who said, "What the hell's in that bowl-- bong water?!"

Is that why the ceramic animals are so drawn to it? Is it their magical pond?

Why have they gathered? What do they want? "

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Dan
Thanks Lee
Thanks PJ
Thanks Scott

Hoo, golly. Well, Friday night started out innocently enough. Hanging out with Scott McClintock (GLMS) and his cute girlfriend and his equally cute sister, eating garlic fries and drinking Pabst at Jacoby's (PBR downstairs, Strohs upstairs..I don't make the rules, I just enforce 'em). Then Jamie and Greg Lakes Myth Society showed up and we watched America's Funniest Home Videos without the sound. The highlight was this far-off shot of a guy hang-gliding and the text "[Vomiting]...[Vomiting]" repeating in the closed-captioning. Tim showed up with a cold handshake after watching the first three innings of the Tigers game at the CoPa.

When the sound guy arrived, I went upstairs to see if I could help him. He spouted "Unless you know how all of this stuff goes together, no. At this point, it would take me longer to show you how it all works, and frankly I don't have the time." Not "No, man, it's cool" or "Nah, I got it." It was all cocky sound-guy attitude. Bleh. Strike 1.



Tenley played a smart angular set of British influenced indie pop. We played with these guys at Havilland's CD release party a year ago and I have to say that they were really spectacular this weekend. Really smart and energetic, great guitar tones, and they had this one song that my brain remembers as "This is the chorus, sing it 'til your lungs are raw" (or "Lungs are long" as Greg heard it and promised to steal for an upcoming song).

At some point the rest of the 'Sleepers and Mr. Gary came back from the Paul Westerberg show. Apparently Paul got really drunk which Porchsleeper took as a cue as to how they should act for the rest of the evening (or potentially their lives). Mr. Gary sounded like a frog. He kept saying "Whoooooo!" but nobody could hear him. Derek spent more time talking about the hairy yam-sack on the guy who mooned the Westerberg crowd than the actual show. Steve said "I totally understand Paul Westerberg now because I've been in his band for a year and a half."

Molly Jean played and proved that she knows more chords that I do. Somebody said "a cross between Liz Phair and Marianne Faithful" which I thought was really good.



We set up next and it got really blurry really fast. Mike Houseman bought us beers and Brian was drinking whiskey-and-whiskeys. My bass was all the way across the stage, so I couldn't feel it thumping against my leg, I could only feel Brian thumping against my leg. Derek's mic kept feeding back, which was problematic, but no diva tantrums from the Sleeper. We played Mott The Hoople's "All the Young Dudes" with Stirling singing the lead and backing vocals by Fido, Tim, and Scott of GLMS. Stirling said he was having a shitty day, but he totally pulled it off like the rockist that he is. There were some brown notes, but KvB said that we hit 98% of them right, which is still an "A" in my ledger. At some point we stopped. It was probably for the best. Afterwards, Steve Motrin from The Fluoride Program asked "What was that one song you played?" and I said "All The Young Dudes by Mott the Hoople" and he squinted and said "Mock the who???" and I said "Yeah."



Jack White showed up to see Loretta Lucas play, but Brian speculates that he may just show up any time anyone named "Loretta" is playing:

"Hey! Loretta is playing at Jacoby's!"
"Uh, Jack? You know that's not Loretta Lynn, right?"
"C'mon guys! Loretta's playing!"
"sigh..."
This Loretta played a quiet set of warm country like Dusty Springfield used to do, and her band was tight (and cute...all of 'em). At this point Johnny Loftus accused me of being stoned. This I neither confirmed or denied. (for the record, I was high on life. Crack is whack).



Finally Great Lakes MILF Society went on and battled through a murky PA and several bottles of Strohs to put on a blistering set of songs that I love. This band is smart. Smarter than all the other bands ever. The sound on stage was so bad they had the sound guy turn off the monitors altogether. At one point during a Bowie cover, the vocals went out completely through the PA. Strikes two and three.



Doug Coombe took pictures, Grambo, Peebs, and Damore drank beers and said "Schmeers." Big Matt had a haircut and a grin, Jessica smiled the whole time, and Ryan & Mac looked happy.

At the end of the night, the sound guy got pissed at somebody and threw a beer bottle at the stage which shattered and blasted beer and glass all over Derek's amp. Strike too many.

Somehow we got everything into the van (including Brian, against our better judgement), hit the White Castle on Woodward (sack of ten, not a crave case, although last time we did find out that acrave case and three waters comes out to be $1972, which rocks), and made it home in a sleeting rain at 5 in the morning.

Every time we unload the van I think of the Prime Ministers song "Rock and Roll Wife" which starts out with the lines "Late Thursday night early Friday morning, whichever you prefer/We'll pull into our driveway/ Under the stars we'll unload guitars both solid and half-asleep/Our ears will still be ringing." which is exactly like it really is.

::

The panel on Music and Teh Innarnet went really well. Standing room only, I'd guess maybe 80 people total (ten rows of six, plus people standing on the sides, I didn't crunch the numbers). Everybody on the panel pretended to be smart, and everybody in the audience pretended to care what we were saying. I'll be up there with Ryan was quiet but well-informed, Grambo was knowledgable and sharp, Rob was passionate, Sam was eloquent, I feel like I blathered too much, but when we're talking about the Data I get all excited. Gary & Johnny, just so you know: The guy sitting next to you had to fart really bad the whole time but held back out of respect. Big Matt did not escape the same fate as I blasted one loudly in the elevator while the three of us where in there. One of the elevators stopped working altogether later and I can only imagine it was my fault.

::

.:DataWhat?:. Final Analysis Of The Motor City Music Conference:

We picked up our badges without a hitch, and I even got my panelist badge in with my regular band badge.

The Fluoride Program's show at the Old Shillelagh didn't have a sound guy, but the guys were able to get it sounding good.

My guys got into the Westerberg show at St. Andrews without a hitch (and without having to pay).

The MCR showcases did really well (Wednesday: Kid Rock Night, Thursday: Kirk Gibson Night, Friday: Jack White Night, I dunno who showed up Saturday, but I can only guess it was Kwame).

We had a blast (but I'd be willing to bet that the team from MotorCityRocks had more to do with the smoothness of our show than the festival's organizers did).

Our sound guy was kind of a stressed out jerk. ("Your band is too loud." ...hey listen, I'm not gonna tell you how to do sound, don't tell my band how to do rock and roll.)

The panel was well received and I think informative, and there were a lot more people who got really involved than I thought there would be.

The Trade Show was pretty lame (think 100 booths from hip-hop labels all blasting their recordings on huge PAs all lined up right next to eachother...and a skateboarding ramp).

The shows at Ford Field Friday kinda fizzled due to poor scheduling, lack of parking, and most importantly, lack of alcohol. Hopefully somebody else will report on that, 'cause I really don't know.

I heard that one venue cancelled all live music at their location, but the folks in charge of the conference wouldn't post anything on the site because it would look like poor planning and reflect badly on them.

Overall, from my immediate experiences, it went off without a hitch, but again, I only involved myself with MotorCityRocks events, and I think that has a whole world to do with it.


See you next year!

Thanks for the photos Mr. Gary and Big Matt
Thanks for everything else Ryan

BrianSleeper reporting on the launch of the Motor City Music Conference last night:

we ended up stopping by jacoby's after the paybacks show to steal beers from ryan and gary. so we get up there and kid rock is up there with his whole posse which included the hottest little russian girl i've ever seen and that ty stone guy that opened up for us at jacoby's that one time. well before too long, kid organizes some kind of 8 Mile-esque 'sing off' between ty and some drunk guy (not me, different drunk guy). they tried to sing a bunch of motown stuff that neither one of them seemed to know very well. pretty soon stirling is standing on a table with kid rock singing some hank jr. song. sometime after 3:30 the everybody stumbled out of the bar.

surreal


We're playing there Friday Night, and we've promised that we would play Mott The Hoople's "All the Young Dudes" with Stirling singing the lead and backing vocals by Great Lakes Myth Society.

Jesus Christ, people, if that doesn't have provide the festival's greatest possible opportunity for potential catastrophe or pure rock and roll shining awesomeness, I don't know what does.

See you there.

::

Also - don't forget: on Saturday at 2:30 pm at the Cobo Center, I'm part of a panel discussion on Music and the innerweb (for some reason). I'll be up there with Ryan Sult (Motorcityrocks.com), Mark Graham (Whatevs.org), Rob Theakston (Team Dorkwave), and Sam Valenti IV (Ghostly International), and if nobody shows up we'll just end up playing Pictionary which sucks 'cause Grambo is so good at it he'll waste the rest of us.
Plus, MatRog hooked me up with a bunch of AMG CDs, books and magnets to hand out, so I'll be sure to win the coveted "Favorite Panelist" award.

::

'Member how a while ago a whole bunch of smart folks gathered together to bring back Coke Classic? Now one nitwit is trying to save Surge.
Let 'em have it back...theyll die out and it'll bring the collective gene pool up.

::

What's that?
Wear a Klingon uniform to a Civil War re-enactment?

OK

I realize he is doing a Vulcan hand gesture, but if you look at the pictures, he is clearly dressed as a Klingon.
Don't try to out-dork me, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

::

Ooh, Christ is this spooky. Some kid stole the Professor's laptop to try and get the final exam key off of it and got in a little deeper than he intended. he said this at a recent lecture, directed at the kid who took it (since they were tracking him down via the laptop's wireless card anyway):

"I'm not particularly concerned about the computer. But the thief, who thought he was only stealing an exam, is presently - we think - is probably still in possession of three kinds of data, any one of which can send this man, this young boy, actually, to federal prison. Not a good place for a young boy to be.

You are in possession of data from a hundred million dollar trial, sponsored by the NIH, for which I'm a consultant. This involves some of the largest companies on the planet, the NIH investigates these things through the FBI, they have been notified about this problem.

You are in possession of trade secrets from a Fortune 1000 biotech company, the largest one in the country, which I consult for. The Federal Trade Communication is very interested in this. Federal Marshals are the people who handle that.

You are in possession of proprietary data from a pre-public company planning an IPO. The Securities and Exchange Commission is very interested in this and I don't even know what branch of law enforcement they use."

Full transcript Here:

::

Emiliana Torrini is coming to Schuba's in Chicago.
All my Chicago peeps should go: Thu, Jun 16, 2005 09:00 PM

::

C'mon, a Friday night with these guys practically guarantees a good time.


Stoney, Beano, the Gay Cowboy and The Kid

::

Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Steve
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks True
Thanks for the photo Jessica

Buncha great Romance Novel Covers here.

::

Blogger-in-arms The Decadent West has a great post on how many fifth graders he could take on in a fight.
He breaks down all the rules, including profiles of each of the kids, and comes to this conclusion: "Yeah, I think I can take all of these motherfuckers. No sweat."

::

Funny AMG Feedback Alert!!!!

----- Original Message from on 4/20/05 5:12 AM -----

forget about your whitetrash. you aint no hero. i got your back; you aint puking in my car. you need back up cause you dying soon if not. fuck them bithces. indiana!

::

My Spidey-sense tells me that Ill Mitch, the Russian Rapper is a faker, but who knows, it's a stupid world out there.
Super Greg! Number 1!!

::

The Crazy World of Lord Roger posted this great photo:

Lookit his arm.

I love how this dude is all like "Woot! Let's party! I like sports!" but in reality he's all like "I bet I can honk this girl's boob."

::

New video for Sloan's new single.
Under Multimedia. Man that guitar tone is strong...

::

Homestarrunner!! Decent new StrongBad e-mail and THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF LIL' BRUDDER!!!
"i can make it on my own..."

::

This guy is reeealy good at juggling and playing a video game at the same time.
I on the other hand have had sex with a lady.

::

hooo, boy.

Ladies, meet Brian Peppers
He's a Scorpio, a Sexual Offender convicted of Gross Sexual Imposition and he has his own MySpace account.

Comments from Moon Karma Zero:
His pinata head looks like it's brimming with candy. no wonder he was able to lure children.
Blarf. That's the sound of my brain and my soul vomiting at the same time.
Mother Nature takes a holiday.
That image will haunt my dreams for months.

::

Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Lee
Thanks Kelly
Thanks Donkers
Thanks Dan

Disneyland is supposed to be the happiest place on earth.

This person went around and took pictures of all the miserable people.

::

This card trick may very well blow your fucking mind.
Eh, card tricks...you've seen one you've seen...hey wait! How'd he do that?!? Devil Spawn!!

::

Ouch.
From a friend's friend's friend's wife who's a middle school teacher.

I have a group of students who like "heavy metal".
They were playing Guns n Roses in class for a project and one student said "What's this?"
Another replied, "Oldies".

::

This skinny Finnish kid I know looked at this picture of Scarlett Johannson and said "I mean, are you kidding me??"
No. I am not.

::

Things people searched on and somehow found .:DataWhat?:.

fuck the old
gay bath
gay black
tourettes guy videos pickle
jennifer aniston myspace
lil brudder
"mike schiller" michigan
else

::

DIRECTIONS:
1. RIGHT CLICK AND SAVE PICTURE
2. PRINT OUT COPIES
3. TAPE UP IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS BY THE TOILET


Yes, Virginia, there is a website called JeffGoldblumIsWatchingYouPoop.com

::

Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Daily Column

Couple more good ones available Here.

::

This is pretty funny. This guy buys a motorcycle, owns it for like two seconds, then steers it directly into a tree.
It's not like the tree is right next to him either, he actually drives about 30 yards, straight into this tree.
Aw, it's funny, and it's only like six seconds long. You've got the time.

::

Do you enjoy the cinematic arts but don't have time to wade through all those "Moving Pictures"? Relax, and check out A Movie A Minute!

                                         Good Will Hunting:

Matt Damon: I'm smart, but so what? Let's start fights and pick up chicks.

Robin Williams: If you push people away, they can't be close to you.

Matt Damon: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP you fixed me thank you I love you. (cries)

                                                               THE END

::

OK, anybody who knows my band will think this post is weird.
Look: There's Bambi, and there's that flaming shot gif Katy gave me! And the link goes to DataWhat! Small world, bros...

::

GoogleMaps is apparently revealing the location of Area 51.
Or those are just irrigation circles from farming...Y'know, one or the other.

::


Secret Warehouse in NYC                                                                            New Office Uniforms

::

Oh Miss Scarlett...
Plus a million more

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Scott
Thanks Horkulated

OK folks
Next Friday April 22nd at Jacoby's
MCR at MC2
motorcityrocks at the motor city music conference


Great Lakes Myth Society
Loretta Lucas
Porchsleeper
Molly Jean Bromley
Tenley

This is a show I would go to even if I wasn't playin' in it.

::

Also happening at the Motor City Music Conference on Saturday April 23rd at 2:30 pm, I'm part of a panel discussion on Music and the innerweb (for some reason). I'll be up there with Ryan Sult (Motorcityrocks.com), Mark Graham (Whatevs.org), Rob Theakston (Team Dorkwave), and Sam Valenti IV (Ghostly International), and none of it made any sense until I started thinking about it: We're just like The A-Team!

Ryan Sult as John "Hannibal" Smith
Charismatic leader, mastermind, loves it when a plan comes together

Rob Theakston as B.A. Baracus
Tough on the outside, tender on the inside. Does all the heavy lifting, pities the fool.

Sam Valenti as Templeton "Faceman" Peck
Good looking, smooth con man, charming with the ladies.

Uncle Grambo as H.M. Murdock
A little bit crazy, but always ends up flying in to save the day.

and finally,

Zac Johnson as Amy Allen
Bewildered reporter, doesn't really know what the job is, but looks darned good in a pencil skirt and a kicky set of heels.


We'll be discussing how bands can present themselves to labels and a perspective audience using websites, blogs, MySpace communities, e-mail lists, online distributors, MP3s and whatever other buzzwords we can come up with.


Cobo Event Center Room 02-41
Saturday April 23rd at 2:30 pm
See you there.

::

ThighsWideShut has a Picture of Natalie Portman's Buns!
Not those buns, prevert. Huge image Here.

::


Think Britney bought that sweatshirt? Or did she get it after graduation?

::

OMG! A Cheeto that totally looks like Jesus' Legs!!!
On eBay

::

Every Friday, SomethingAwful has these pop culture photoshop-offs. This week it's "Create Your Own Sin City Panel" with hilarious results.
Vaguely erotic Hermione photoshopping and everything.

::


Apparently the Secret Service doesn't really think of this as "Art"

::

Chris True sent this fun Drinking Game.
He drank 106 drinks. And that was just at the bar last night! Hyar hyar hyar...

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Paul
Thanks True
Thanks ThighsWideShut

I really wish somebody would come up with a series of brackets like the NCAA basketball finals, but with the names of potential Popes on the brackets. You could start with real candidates at the top and then get stupid like "Father Guido Sarducci" or or "Cardinal Jimmie Walker" or "Cardinal Ozzie Smith"

Assignments for the DataWhat faithful: Come up with a list of Good Pope names. Then I'll ask Goody or Chris to photoshop up a good brackets list and we'll put 'em in there.
heh..Cardinal Ozzie Smith...

::


man, I thought I shoveled a lot of snow this winter.

::

Really great video by The Decemberists for "Sixteen Military Wives"
Geez, Rushmore much?

::

Hey Sara, do people in advertising ever rip off other people's ideas?
Kinda seems like they do.

::

I probably shouldn't find these as interesting as I do, but these Tricks of the Trade are nifty.

Grave Digger
A vault will lay square in a grave even if the floor of the hole isn't level, but the empty space under the vault will cause the plot to settle unevenly over time. Dig the grave to the length of your shovel, use the shovel against the sides of the grave to check that the hole is the same depth all around, and you wont have to reset a crooked headstone next season.

::

Paul wants one of these handicapped-helper monkeys for his office.
Sorry Poppy, it looks like you have to be physically handicapped to get one of those.

::



::

Interesting press release regarding Bowker Books and the All Music Guide.
one step closer to taking over the world.

::

This guy wanted to shower with 100 different girls and document the whole thing.
The site is actually safe for work, but a little creepy nonetheless.

::

Track-by-track review of the upcoming White Stripes Rekkid.
"The single "Blue Orchid" is ridiculously awesome."

::

Sco-Jo in the UK edition of Esquire

I'm really hoping that This image will be in there,
since it wasn't in the US version.

::

Thanks Collar
Thanks Barb
Thanks Paul
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Dan

I've really been into these "Search Tickers" lately. They display what people are looking up on different search engines in realtime.

Webcrawler SearchSpy.
Cameltoe :: Hogtie :: hogtie :: chocolate russian recipe :: receiving blankets :: food :: contortionist female black :: history of car radio :: american indan porn :: electric underfloor heating

unknown SimTicker.
simpsons :: jets to brazil :: n64 roms :: download sailor moon mp3 :: how do i beet N. in crash bandicoot 3 :: volkswagentoys :: ichy iktestus :: underwater intercourse

MetaCrawler MetaSpy.
dale earnheardt jr pictures :: gixf :: Keep ya head :: the meaning of the movie she's all that :: home automation x10 :: college ponchos :: pictures+of+13+year+old+girls

::


Keef at a festival in Argentina.

::

Two cool Dub Interfaces.
Go to either of those pages and click around on the little pictures. Get a good Dubby groove going. Now You're a Reggay Musician! Smoke a Jibber!

::

This girl at the office party gets a little tipsy on cheap champagne and starts telling the videocamera exactly what she thinks of her boss while he's standing right behind her.
Lumbergh!!!

::

This has been floating around for a while but I hadn't heard it 'til tonight. This guy witnesses a little fender bender while on the phone to his boss, then recounts in hilarious detail these four old ladies beat the crap out of the driver. (MP3)
It sounds like it could be a prank but Snopes gives some evidence saying it's true.

::



::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Sara

Man, that "America We Stand as One" video was awesome, wasn't it? Know what else is great? This mash-up of that and Team America's "America, Fuck Yeah!" which results in This Video Is Awesome!
"Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH"

::

What's on the President's iPod? aka iPod One.
The playlist does reveal a rather narrow range of babyboomer tunes. Writing in the London Times, Caitlin Moran noted: "No black artists, no gay artists, no world music, only one woman, no genre less than 25 years old, and no Beatles."

::


This guy tries to do a flaming shot (while it is still flaming) and it misfires horribly.

::

Did you ever want to date Jesus?
How 'bout just taking a bath with him?

::

Y'know how sometimes when you look at the "Programs" file under the Start Menu and it doesn't show all of your files, it just shows the most recent ones...like the other ones are hidden? Then you need to click the double arrow to show the rest but they're all greyed out? Or like on a different level or something? This is how you fix it:
Pulverize Personalized Menus In Windows XP's Classic Start menu, the 'personalized' menus rearrange menu items and hide many entries until you click the double-arrow symbol to display the entire listing. To get rid of this irksome convention, simply right-click the Start button and choose Properties. Click the Customize button, and scroll to the bottom of the Advanced Start menu options. Uncheck Use Personalized Menus, and click OK twice.

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::

Thanks Lee
Thanks Steve
Thanks Collar
Thanks Paul
Thanks Dan
Thanks Katy

Prepare to lose a couple of hours...this site displays the 40 most recent photos posted on Live Journal.
Potentially NSFW, isn't that part of the fun?

::


Man! Look how terrible Tiger Woods is at giving high fives!

::

News Flash:

Matt Tobey's City of Floating Blogs has been ganked by some coked-up Indian kid!!!
We're gonna beat him up after school at the dead end.

::

A former pro football player accused of shooting at the compound of Siegfried & Roy wanted to "warn the world" of the threat posed by the illusionists, according to a psychiatric report.
No, I'm not making this up.

::

A man owned a small farm in West Texas. The Wage and Hour Department of Texas claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $300 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $250 a month, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works about 18 hours day. He makes $10 a week and I buy him chewing tobacco," replied the farmer.

"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent.

The farmer says, "That would be me."

::

Interesting glimpse into Bob Dylan recording 'Like a Rolling Stone' fom Greil Marcus' upcoming book.
"With "You've got no secrets to CONCEAL" the last word shoots up like a balloon with its string cut, tracing a dizzying path in the sky. "Awwwwww," Dylan lets go after the last chorus, carried away, ignoring his harmonica. "Awwwwww -- " "I'm afraid I screwed up," he says. The entire take was a screwup, but there were moments only chaos could bring."

::

Quite possibly the largest collection of Radiohead artwork anywhere in the world.
I think Thom Yorke should maybe check the bushes outside his house.

::



::

Thanks Lee
Thanks Steve
Thanks Earl
Thanks Perry
Thanks Goody
Thanks Chris
Happy Birthday David

Greates':

'Member that time you were playing The Dozens with that fat girl/black kid and then Mr. T came out and sang a song about treating your mother right?

'Member???

::


The guitar player for Umphrey's Mcgee looks strikingly like Paul Kahlenberg

::

I dunno who's sitting on all this , but this guy runs a site called Detroit Radio Flashbacks Which has jingles, playlists and on-air recordings from the old Detroit stations.
Particularly fond of "Strong Songs FM 98 WJLB" and "Hottt Hits! W-H-Y-Teeeee!" in that weird old three-piece 'jingle singers' voice.

::

Some really nice and subtle color photography by Liz Wolfe.
Flash required and worth it. Interview here.

::

Last week Rob ways waylayed by one of those massive Burger King breakfast omlette sandwiches. This poor sap suffered a similar fate and documented it quite nicely.
"arrive at office. sit face-to-face with Enormous Omelette Sandwich;stare it down...it glares angrily at me and speaks in tongues."

::

Friend of mine found this potentially NSFW slot machine for guys.
Although to be honest you'd see more skin in a Sears catalog.

::


The Keytar player for The Darkness looks strikingly like a pirate.

::

Thanks Horkulated
Thanks David
Thanks Lee
Thanks Dan

::
How is it possible that I never heard of comedian Mitch Hedberg until he died?

Select Quotes:
I had a bag of Fritos. They were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer time, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. 'Better flip that Frito, Dad. You know how I like mine.'

I like to go to the beach and send out bottles with little notes inside. Then, in the afternoon when the tide comes in and someone finds one, I'll walk up to them as they read it. And it'll say, "I'm standing right behind you."

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that.

::
Shot-by-shot account of the Dukes of Hazzard trailer with screenshots.
Yeeeee-haw!

::
Here is an awesome photo of a chihuahua in a fright wig.
you will laugh at this. Oh yes, you will laugh.

::

Playlisting: Apparently "the Soundflavor team has spent years perfecting the world's most advanced song recommendation technology".

Uh...looks more like you let weiners post their favorite mixtapes...although I have to admit, they're doing something right in their recommendations...looking at "Bastards of Young" by the Replacements brought up some solid early REM, "Sweethearts" by Camper Van Beethoven, Love & Rockets, the Smithereens, and surprisingly "I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty, which doesn't seem like a good match sonically, but thematically it kinda is...hmmm. Rob, take a look at it.

::

A couple of really great eBay auctions:

A terrifying Dog Lamp that lights up from the inside like some kind of demon hellhound.
(perfect for little Johnny or Susie's room)

and a loving little girl who is selling her sister's diary.
SOME STUFF IN HER JOURNAL:
She ALSO cheated on her boyfriend, but NOT with another guy...
She got into a fight at a supermarket with this fat guy
There were a lot of parties that she went to and the outcomes were shocking, even for me to know!

::



::

Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Golden Fiddle
Thanks Barb
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Goody

Potentially a prank, but apparently this lady called 911 from a Burger King drive-thru because she couldn't get the Western Barbeque Burger "her way."
Transcript and WMA file of the actual call here.

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::

Here's some fun: This paranoid schizophrenic has a website called My Truman Show in which he details how everybody is watching him and how Celine Dion and Katie Couric are going to have his babies.
"I have a son named Joe/John who is 15 now (18 via magic), whom I've never formally met."

::

If you hate rich people, you'll love WreckedExotics.com which is full of really expensive cars with major damage.
Man, you can't even tell that this one used to be a car...

::

Blogging for an audience of probably two or three: There was a big panel discussion of Joss Whedon's upcoming Firefly-based movie "Serenity" and some nerd filmed the whole thing then broke it into watchable segments. Available Here:
There are photos too...Jewel Stait looks too skinny.

::

Every year for the past couple years the Library of Congress picks 50 Recordings that they feel need to be preserved. Stuff I like from this year's list:

"Stardust" Hoagy Carmichael (1927)
"Blue Yodel (T for Texas)" Jimmie Rodgers (1927)
"Foggy Mountain Breakdown" Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs (1949)
"Lovesick Blues" Hank Williams (1949)
Pet Sounds The Beach Boys (1966)
Remarks by Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong broadcast from the moon (1969)
The Allman Brothers Band at Fillmore East (1971)
Fear of a Black Planet Public Enemy (1989)

Yeah, I dunno what the Allman Brothers are doing in there either... somebody at the L.O.C. is a big "Hot 'Lanta" fan I guess.

2003's List
2002's List

::

Speaking of the Allman Brothers, the Ann Arbor Ultimate Frisbee disc design contest is up and running.


Vote early and often.

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Goody
Thanks Earl
Thanks PJ
Thanks Aaron

Here is the video for the most patriotic song ever: "America We Stand As One" written and performed by Star Trek stuntman Dennis "Danger" Madalone.
He's on the beach, he's on the rocks, he's singing to angels, he's touching kids on the playground, he's singing to firefighhters who live in the sky...it's really beautiful.



::

Cumbersome, but kinda interesting: Yagoohoogle runs both Yahoo and Google's searches at the same time and displays them side-by-side.
Like I said, a little tough to maneuver, but in a way it reminds me of some of the great Marvel Team-Ups.

::

Also slick: Google Maps allows you to toggle between road maps and satellite images.
There's AMG

::

Hyar! Top 50 Ways to Get Fired.
44. The Material Girl
Tape the paper cones from the water cooler onto your chest and sing "Material Girl" at the top of your lungs into a stapler. Refuse to stop.

From the same site: Look At My Striped Shirt!
"Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!"

"My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!"

::

Been around, but still fun, kinda like Mona from "Who's The Boss"...

Overheard in the courtroom:

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
-------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
-------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
-------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
-------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
-------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
-------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
-------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
-------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
-------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
-------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
-------------------------------------------
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
-------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

::

I can't really tell what's happening here, but it looks like these stoney bros pulled a killer April Fools prank on their bud by filling thousands of Dixie cups with water and setting them on the floor of his apartment.


Of course they filled some cups with pink and yellow Kool-Aid
and made it look like a dick peeing...

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Lee
Thanks Rob
Thanks Katy
Thanks JustJared
Thanks Horkulated

Ah the first nice day...Sitting on the porch listening to new old radio.

Today Raad Thinkston called me from I-696 to tell me that 93.1 WDRQ has changed it's name to "The Doug" (which is a pretty retarded name) and they have a new format in which they play EVERYTHING (you have to believe them, they keep telling you between every song). I am a corporate radio skeptic, so here's what I noticed.

"The Doug" is a Classic Rock station with a curveball thrown in every sixth song.

Playlist live from the porch:

"Maggie May" - Rod Stewart
"Little Lies" - Fleetwood Mac
"FM "Steely Dan" (which sounded really good)
"Groove is in the Heart" - Deee-Lite (Whoa! I don't remember ever hearing that song on the radio before)
"Who's Crying Now" - Journey
"Macho Man" - The Village People (Surprising! But not good!)
"While You See a Chance" - Steve Winwood
"Refugee" - Tom Petty
"Straight from the Heart" - Bryan Adams
"Kokomo" - The Beach Boys (getting disappointed at this point)
"All of My Love" - Led Zeppelin
"Lyin' Eyes" - The Eagles (uh...doesn't this town have a WCSX already?)
"That Don't Impress Me Much" - Shania Twain (curveball!)
"Again" - Lenny Kravitz
"Year of the Cat" - Al Stewart
"That's Just the Way it Is" - Bruce Hornsby (uh...doesn't this town have a WCSX already?)
"Dance the Night Away" - Van Halen
"These Dreams" - Heart
"My Sharona" - The Knack
"Start Me Up" - Rolling Stones
"I Want to Hold Your Hand" - The Beatles
"On The Dark Side" - John Cafferty (Eddie & The Cruisers! OK, I'm actually really into this cut.)
"Pinch Me" - Barenaked Ladies (curveball!!!)
"Love Rollercoaster" - Ohio Players
"New Sensation" - INXS
"Your Song" - Elton John (uh...doesn't this town have a WCSX already?)
"Only the Good Die Young" - Billy Joel (uh...)
"Couldn't Get it Right" - Fun Lovin' Criminals (curveball!)
"Should Have Known Better" - Richard Marx (Dick Marks? No thanks)
"I Can't Tell You Why" - The Eagles (Hey Doug, if you're playing EVERYTHING, don't play the Eagles twice in the same hour)
"Love in an Elevator" - Aerosmith
"You Make My Dreams Come True" - Hall & Oates
"You Can Call Me Al" - Paul Simon
"Hole Hearted" - Extreme
"Streets of Philadelphia" - Bruce Springsteen
"Get Down Tonight" - KC and the Sunshine Band
"All She Wants to Do is Dance" - Don Henley (Geez, are the Eagles bankrolling this station or what?)

So (roughly):
2 Songs from the 2000s
6 songs from the 90s
15 songs from the 80s
13 songs from the 70s
1 song from the 60s
0 songs from the 50s
and only two female artists in about three hours.

The huge majority being "Classic Rock" with the occasional flicker of something slightly different.

No hip-hop (obviously), no indie rock, no college rock, almost no alternative rock (unless you count Lenny Kravitz, who is just a classic rocker with a better agent), no jazz (c'mon, get serious), no real country, nothing from outside the US or UK (Canada and Australia are in the US, and do not tell me Shania and BNL are "World" music).

Not exactly EVERYTHING, which becomes even more grating every time they make that claim. And, if "Everything" includes "Kokomo," Richard Marx, "Macho Man," and Bruce Hornsby & the Range, maybe a little editing would be helpful.

The fact that they keep saying stuff like "If Variety is the spice of life, your ears must be burning" or "If you made a thousand dollars every time you guessed what song we're gonna play next, you'd go broke" is really grating, and reminds me of this David Sedaris bit from "Dress Your Family in Courdory and Denim" where he says he met this lady who says she is "soooo crazy and wacky" that nobody knows what she is going to do next. In reality she is like a third grade teacher who wears red on a day that everybody is supposed to wear green. Wow lady, you are way out there...watch out for the man in the white suit and the net to take you to the loony bin.

"Doug" constantly telling me that his collection is so great and that their playlist is so crazy you'll never know what to expect next gets old, especially when all of this variety he's so proud of is the same shit I've heard a billion times in the past.

but!
Very few commercials, no annoying jocks, no "traffic & weather together," they played Deee-Lite, Van Halen, and man, that Steely Dan jam hit me at just the right time.
________________________________________________________________

Bottom Line: Potentially interesting, and if you hear the right half-hour it seems a little refreshing, but it also makes me realize that the state of modern radio is so horrible that when something with a smidgen of variety comes on I get momentarily hopeful, then ultimately disappointed.

Articles Here (Detroit Snooze) and Here (Billboard Radio Monitor).

::


A friend of mine found this suspiciously phallic iPod ad
on a website we both frequent...

::

For the low low price of 12 billion dollars, you too could own this Star Wars Life Size Death Star Model.
Exhaust-vent covers not included.

::

This project is trying to take a photo from Every Latitude & Longitude Intersection on the planet.
They're pretty far already. And since the photos need to be taken at the exact intersection, a lot of them are way off in the woods, or a field, or the ocean. It's pretty cool. Gerard and Steve 2.0 should both do one.

::

Pretty sharp Mash-Up.
Scissor Sisters, Beatles, George Michael, Aretha Franklin. Well done.

::


Hey DJ, I'll play a song just for you, Like it was 1972

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Matt
Thanks Lee
Thanks Danny Carroll

::

Oh, y'know what? Nice work BBC.
They contacted the estate of Bob Marley wanting to schedule two days of interviews with him.
"It said the project would involve Marley -- who died of cancer in May 1981 at the age of 36 -- "spending one or two days with us", and that "it would only work with some participation from Bob Marley himself"."

::

A week or so ago I was trying to think of some of these
Redd Foxx "Confucius Say" lines that Tosborn always used to say...

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

::

Here's a crazy optical illusion that will blow your freaking mind.
You gotta stare at the green dot in the middle. Read the instructions...

::

Dunno if you saw Google Gulp today (being April 1st).
Obviously a jab at their own G-Mail scheme:

7. How can I get my hands on a Google Gulp?
This "limited release" beta product is available to anyone who turns in a used Google Gulp bottle cap at any local retailer. If you don't have any Gulp caps, ask a friend to give you one.

8. What if none of my friends have a Gulp cap to give me? Can't you just give Google Gulp to anyone who wants it?
Well, we're thinking about it, but, um, you have to understand that there are many considerations which go into deciding how to distribute --

9. I mean, isn't this whole invite-only thing kind of bogus?
Dude, it's like you've never even heard of viral marketing.

::



::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Steve
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Los