.:DataWhat?:.

Evel Knievel?
He's D.Y.K.



"I can't wait to meet God, and ask why he didn't make me go faster on some of those jumps, why he put me through all this pain. He knows I'm not evil."

EVEL KNIEVEL, Sports Illustrated.com, May 19, 2006

"I want to go to a Heaven, as a young man in the prime of my life, where there's a motorcycle jump I can make every day and never miss, a golf course where I can par every day and get some birdies and not miss any putts, where there are a lot of good-looking broads, no state tax, no federal tax, and no politicians!"

from the album Evel Speaks to the Kids

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Thanks Dan
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy


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Things that I need definitions for:

1. The fat pieces of paper in a magazine
Not just the subscription cards and perfume samples, but the whole pages that are thicker than the rest of the pages.


2. The frustration of dealing with those pieces of paper
I have a thick paper cut in my finger right now, thank you Wired magazine.


3. The process of ripping all of them out before reading the magazine.
There needs to be a word for this.
"Honey, what are you doing in there?"
"I'm just ________ing this magazine."
A word like "disemboweling"...something like that.


4. The process of writing a big long paragraph in an IM and then somebody says one thing and you erase everything you've written.
Sometimes with a single word, your entire postulate can be deflated.


5. The moment in an IM when you realize that the two of you are carrying on two completely different conversations.
"Wait, what?"


6. When something passes from one common definition to another
I thought about this after seeing a copy of Gray's Anatomy (the anatomy textbook) at the bookstore. A couple years ago before the show aired, I thought "Oh, Grey's Anatomy...like the book. That's clever." but now when I saw the book on the shelf, I immediately thought of the TV show.

Nirvana (used to be a state of enlightenment, now is a dead Grunge band), Lollapalooza (was an all-day sucker lollipop, now it is an all-day concert for suckers), Spam (was a fake meat, now is a fake e-mail message).

There needs to be a word for this moment in time when the word shifts common meaning.


7. The inner shame when your brain enjoys something bad for a second
Like when a song comes on a commercial and the lazy part at the back of your brain says "Heeeeyyy...I know this song. This song makes me happy. I am familiar with it. I like this song." and then all of the sudden you realize it is Barry Manilow or the Old Spice theme song or something by the Goo Goo Dolls so the cool part of your brain chokes on itself and says "D'oh! Barry Manilow? I don't really like that...do I?" That insta-shame.


8. When somebody old or square uses "LOL"
Whenever you get an e-mail from somebody like your 50 year old insurance agent or congressman and they use the L33T term "LOL" there needs to be a word for that. That creepy moment when Uncle Charlie says "LOL" at the Thanksgiving table...that needs to be something.

Help me out here folks. I need these answers.

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On this wacky Japanese game show, contestants dressed as insects (obviously) need to high jump through an increasingly narrowing set of of stands. If they don't make the jump, Japanese chicks dressed as bugs eat stinky food and then blow their bad breath on the losers. It demands to be seen.



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A fun tour of Teller (of Penn & Teller fame)'s Las Vegas Home.
Coffin? Check. Secret bookcase passageway? Check. Carrot waffles? Uh...check.

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All four hit songs from Porchsleeper's upcoming EP "So Much More than This" are available on the Porchsleeper MySpace Page.
If you listen closely, you can hear my ducet voice on "Three Hours" and "Too Smart" (and maybe on "Samegirl"... it was a little drunky in the studio at that point...)

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Two cats having a conversation:


And the translation to English:


And finally, the inevitable hilarious version with swearing:


Swearing taken from this other cat video.

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ABC is trying to make us all remember that we liked Lost last year, so they're broadcasting little Missing Pieces episodes.
With titles like "The Watch" and "Hurley and Frogurt"...looks like NBC doesn't have a lock on "Must See TV" anymore.

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If you are a comic book dork and you missed last week's episode of The Simpsons, you must be drying your tears with your Watchmen Babies bath towel.


Video may disappear at any moment, so watch it faster than a speeding bullet.

Some background here. Ooh, and Here.

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Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks Chris
Thanks Mefi
Thanks Neatorama


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"Fun" facts from the Ahrens & Flaherty website:

* "I think only Lynn Ahrens could take the words to the Constitution and turn them into a song. She has a wonderful melodic sense. [The lyrics] are all very square and compartmentalized and easy to understand." ( George Newall, on the SHR DVD)

* "Lynn Ahrens was just starting out. She could play five chords on the guitar....Tom Yohe saw her one day carrying a guitar case, and we asked her to come into my office and play. She played and we were just knocked out! Tom said 'How'd you like to do a School House Rock song?'....She was astonishing! And she would also sing on these things, 'cause she had a really wonderful voice. She had a musical sensibility that was kind of bubblegummy, and her tunes were very memorable and singsongy, in the right sense. She was just doing it on pure instinct. I guess it was her big break. Lynn has since gone on to do very well in the world of songwriting. She's in the big time now." (George Newall, School House Rock Creative Director, in the SHR Box Set liner notes, 1996)

* "Depending on what the subject matter was that they wanted to cover, I would just go and do research from textbooks that I got out of the library to try and see how that subject would be taught. And then I went from there, trying to tell a little story that's visual, educational, and fun all at the same time." (Lynn Ahrens, in the SHR Box Set liner notes, 1996)

* "I owe a lot to Schoolhouse Rock. Based on those songs, I was able to get work writing for Captain Kangaroo and scoring for ABC Afterschool Specials. Schoolhouse Rock has a naive and wonderful quality. It's not slick, it feels homegrown, which is part of its charm. It's a family affair. It's not like anybody's saying 'I'm a big star here. We're all doing it for fun." (Lynn Ahrens, in the SHR Box Set liner notes, 1996)
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Thanks List of the Day


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Two terrific sites highlighting found photos:

MangoFalls is a spectacular site where a guy trolls thrift stores and develops the film in old cameras:


Who Dat?


Dood


Headless Coatsman


SquareAmerica is an amazing site with some quality found photos.


Bros


Uncle Louie+Hatz

Special attention should be paid to the SquareAmerica gallery titled "The Party"
which seems to be some kind of swinging bi-racial party from the early '70s(?).

It is called "the Party" for a reason, because it is clearly THE Party.

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Video of The Implosion of The Frontier Casino in Las Vegas.
Sigh, I will always remember with fondness the prostitute that tried to pick me up while I was playing video blackjack in the Frontier casino right outside the Micky Gilley's that had bikini bullriding. I hope she got out in time.

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You may be a rockstar at at Guitar Hero, but how would you fare against "Cowbell Hero?"
"I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time Bruce Dickinson: Except, when my pants are on, I make gold records ..."

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Guitar Hero Bob "Lava" Mouton brings to my attention this guy called "Plectrum34" who pulls off some really faithful Nick Drake re-creations (without the depression, insomnia and suicide, apparently).
Finger-pickin' good.

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For fun, it's the Bar Scene from Weird Science.



"Listening to this blues music reminds me of my own trials and tribulations as a young guy.
My folks really dump on me. You guys get along with your parents?"

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Thanks Bob
Thanks Sara
Thanks Dave
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks Kevin


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Some unfortunate poorly placed ads


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Did you ever see a Ninja Parade? Neither did these people.
"According to an arrow scroll, delivered straight into the heart of a city clerk..."

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These people jump off of a mountain in a little flying squirrel outfit and actually. Fucking. Fly.
I keep looking for wires or CGI or something, but I got nothing.

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PJ stumbled across this review of the Schrute Beet Farm on TripAdvisor.com.
Schrute Farms is the number one beet-related agrotourism destination in Northeastern Pennsylvania. We offer the finest accommodations for the casual traveler and/or beet enthusiast. Come join us and experience majestic Schrute Farms. ROOM AMENITIES: -Three Themed Rooms: America, Irrigation, and Night-time...-Handmade mattresses... -Beds do not conform to traditional sizes; closest is twin.PROPERTY AMENITIES:-We cater to the elderly...-Field and barn tours...-Side car Rides...-Table-making demonstrations...-Tractor Mosey...-Homemade Beet Jam demonstration

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Whatever this is jumbles up album covers making hilarious pictures.
I can't tell why they all say Universal in the corner. I may have been duped by viral marketing.

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This outfit from the '70s gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "Cock of the Walk."
"Walking softly but carrying it big..."

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Michael Jackson Sound Board
A-Hee-Hee

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Amy Winehouse on some insane British pop quiz.
No, I don't really get it either.

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Git 'R' Done

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Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Andy
Thanks Kris
Thanks PJ


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Hoo lordy.
This Powerthirst movie made me want to kick Mother Nature in the face with my ENERGY LEGS!!!!

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YouTube video of a Catwalk. For real.
Kind of like Zoolander meets Guitar Hero. At the end it says that it was filmed by two people. It was just a stationary camera pointed at a treadmill...why did that require two people?

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Some interesting (but not earth-shattering) early Bill Watterson comics.
Not much Calvin or Hobbes in his college days.

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JCP WTF?



From a mind-bending collection of JC Penney catalog from 1977

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Anybody in a band should appreciate this list of worst gigs. A favorite:

I don't even want to talk about Vincent Van Go Go's in Mobile, Alabama.

Fuck.

OK.

Enough.

someone else says: "Hey, I'm originally from Mobile. I'd like to hear your Vincent Van Go Go's experience."

Well, um. We played at Vincent's several times. I don't know if there was a worst.

We showed up there once and there was no PA. Actually, there was nobody when we first got there. Club was locked, no signs of life, even though we were late.

An hour later the owner's girlfriend showed up. She let us in, then started opening the bar. BUT, she was barefoot. There was a broken glass behind the bar. Apparently, she nearly cut her toe off. She gasped, wrapped none-too-clean looking bar towel around it and said "I'M GOING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM... SOMEONE WILL BE HERE SOON!" and left us alone in the club.

Some time later the soundman wandered in. He was sort of wandering around in an "I just woke up" like daze when one of the guitar players in my band said "Stubber (his actual name, btw), there's no PA up here."

This, somehow, was a revelation to him. Astonished, he looked up and noticed that it was true. There was no reinforcement in the room at all.

"Um. Yeah. Well. I better go do something about that," he said, and he left. Again, we were alone in the club. We went upstairs to the dressing room and glumly waited as "showtime" approached.

At nine thirty or so, the owner of the club ("Bubba") walked in, walked right past us and locked himself in his office without speaking to us.

At ten, Stubber returned with a large bag of ice and the owner's girlfriend, but no PA. When asked about the PA, he said "Oh, yeah. I guess I better call someone."

This sort of stuff used to make me SO ANGRY, just because fuck, I mean, I loved touring in a rock band, but when showtime is an hour away, there's no PA, not a single customer has darkened the door of this shithole bar, and the owner is locked in his office with his nose pressed to a mirror, I begin to suspect that my time is being wasted. I could be home, y'know. Home is not a bad place if you're not going to get paid anyway.

A pair of crap speakers and two microphones turn up eventually, and we play half a song for a soundcheck.

Eventually, six people can be seen at the bar, half a mile from the stage, but when we finally come out to play, no one even looks up from their drinks. We play half a set. No response of ANY KIND from the bar. Mostly, we surmise, they're waiting for drugs to arrive.

For the first (and last time) ever, I suggest that I be allowed to play guitar. Naked. We all switch instruments and disrobe. We play nine minutes of noise, since none of us actually know how to play each other's instruments. That's nine minutes of noise with our cocks out.

We stop beating on each other's guitars and peer into the dark. Still no reaction from the half dozen people at the bar. We admit defeat. We pack it in, load the van, and someone goes to speak with the owner of the club.

Apparently, drugs had finally arrived, because SUDDENLY he is a glowing, joke-telling, wide-eyed, giddy mess. He comes POURING out of the side door on Dauphin Street. He talks a mile a minute about WHAT AN AMAZING SHOW that was. He pays us $600. ($100 per paying customer in the bar.) He slaps us all on the back. He invites us to stay there all night and party.

We politely decline and head for Pensacola, where we have friends, soul food, and a nice place to sleep.

Fuck that bar. I hated that place.

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Joe Mathlete has issues with Marmaduke



STOP

STOP IT

JESUS CHRIST STOP IT

THE MOONWALK GOES BACKWARDS

THERE IS NO HOPPING INVOLVED

NONE

BRAD ANDERSON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

WHAT ARE THE DOGCATCHERS EVEN TALKING ABOUT AND WHY IS THEIR TRUCK FLOATING

MARMADUKE LOOKS SO HORRIFYING

JESUS FUCK STOP IT

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS

EVERYTHING YOU CREATE IS CANCER AND MADNESS

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE

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Thanks Steve
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Dave
Thanks C.M. Troo
Thanks Dan


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