Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Where have you gone Rich Hall? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. 

Things that I need definitions for:

1. The fat pieces of paper in a magazine
Not just the subscription cards and perfume samples, but the whole pages that are thicker than the rest of the pages.

2. The frustration of dealing with those pieces of paper
I have a thick paper cut in my finger right now, thank you Wired magazine.

3. The process of ripping all of them out before reading the magazine.
There needs to be a word for this.
"Honey, what are you doing in there?"
"I'm just ________ing this magazine."
A word like "disemboweling"...something like that.

4. The process of writing a big long paragraph in an IM and then somebody says one thing and you erase everything you've written.
Sometimes with a single word, your entire postulate can be deflated.

5. The moment in an IM when you realize that the two of you are carrying on two completely different conversations.
"Wait, what?"

6. When something passes from one common definition to another
I thought about this after seeing a copy of Gray's Anatomy (the anatomy textbook) at the bookstore. A couple years ago before the show aired, I thought "Oh, Grey's the book. That's clever." but now when I saw the book on the shelf, I immediately thought of the TV show.

Nirvana (used to be a state of enlightenment, now is a dead Grunge band), Lollapalooza (was an all-day sucker lollipop, now it is an all-day concert for suckers), Spam (was a fake meat, now is a fake e-mail message).

There needs to be a word for this moment in time when the word shifts common meaning.

7. The inner shame when your brain enjoys something bad for a second
Like when a song comes on a commercial and the lazy part at the back of your brain says "Heeeeyyy...I know this song. This song makes me happy. I am familiar with it. I like this song." and then all of the sudden you realize it is Barry Manilow or the Old Spice theme song or something by the Goo Goo Dolls so the cool part of your brain chokes on itself and says "D'oh! Barry Manilow? I don't really like I?" That insta-shame.

8. When somebody old or square uses "LOL"
Whenever you get an e-mail from somebody like your 50 year old insurance agent or congressman and they use the L33T term "LOL" there needs to be a word for that. That creepy moment when Uncle Charlie says "LOL" at the Thanksgiving table...that needs to be something.

Help me out here folks. I need these answers.


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