.:DataWhat?:.

In the photo you will see a label from a lap top bag,
which is made by a small American company.
The label is in French.
The translation is below:

Wash with warm water
Use mild soap
Dry flat
Do not use bleach
Do not dry in the dryer
Do not iron
We are sorry that Our President is an idiot
We did not vote for him.

::

I really like how loose the toilet seat in the handicapped stall of the men's room is.
It's like riding the mechanical bull at Gilley's,
You never know when you're gonna be thrown off.

::

New Favorite Review:

Nesak international's Exotic Sex Classical Music features what sounds like two fully clothed drunk people trying to keep a straight face while simulating sex over well-known classical pieces. "Romeo & Juliet" finds the male counterpart seemingly alone and entertaining himself with naughty talk, while "Pathetique" features the female explaining to a similar phantom lover that she would prefer "to do it over and over again." "Danse Boheme" from Carmen requires considerable more attention, as the lovers appear to be either eating, cleaning out desk drawers in a frantic search for a condom, or frustrated at another failed attempt to install blinds. By the time the couple reach Pachelbel's "Canon," their love for each other has become unbearable, leaving little time for small talk. The record climaxes with Ravel's "Bolero." — James Christopher Monger

::

mmmm...Maria Sharapova



I guess she plays tennis or something...

::

Next Harry Potter book to be called "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
Hey, it beats "Attack of the Clones"

::

Anyone else remember Sauza Diablo?
Looks like it's been Discontinued.

::


          Jerk Shirts

::

Thanks Maeve
Thanks Whatevs.org
Thanks David


Comments: 0

The AllMusic.com site will be relaunched with a total overhaul and re-design in the next couple of weeks.
Anticipate a slick new style and advanced search capabilities.


(AMG: AMG Insider Alert: allmusic Relaunch Update)

::

Ah to be in middle school again...This poor, mistreated 13 year old kid was tricked into having repeated sexual encounters with his drop-dead gorgeous 23-year old teacher.
"Mrs. LaFave, can I have detention too?"

Photos of the blushing bride Here and Here

::

Behold: The Wooden Mirror!.


How it works.
The wooden mirror has 830 pieces of wood each about 40 mm square arranged
into an octagon of 35 x 29 . Each piece of wood is connected to a servo
motor that can tilt it about 30º up and down. The whole piece is lit from
above with a few spot lights, in a way that when the pieces are tilted
upwards they become brighter, and when they tilt downwards they become
darker. The servo motors can position each piece in 255 positions
theoretically yielding 255 gray levels per piece.... much more.

check the Viddy

::

Wow! A club where there is no beer and everyone there is really into Jesus!?!
Where do I sign up!?!

::



::

Fun Game: Knock 'em Back.
If anyone gets higher than 100, lemme know what happens.

::

Here is an entertaining video of what are probably the next two kids to shoot up a high school.
Anyone with that much energy is going to do damage to either themselves or others.

::

Thanks True
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Jamnes
Thanks Chris
Thanks Lee


Comments: 0

Just so you know: George Bush is not just like Hitler.



::

Just so you know: A woman gave birth to a frog in Iran.

::

The name of this website is: ThingsMyGirlfriendAndIHaveArguedAbout.com.
Highlights:
* Our telephone number.

* I eat two-fingered Kit-Kats like I'd eat any other chocolate bars of that size,
  i.e., without feeling the need to snap them into two individual fingers first.
  Margret accused me of doing this, 'deliberately to annoy her'.

* She wants to paint the living room yellow. I have not the words.

::

Rob puts the "Fun" back in "Funeral".
"The after funeral luncheon will be held at Arby's."

::

Hey Gang! What if the Olsen Twins were "Ghetto"?
Olsen Twiz-ins!

::

Perfect for cottonmouth: pot-flavored booze.
'cause the taste is what makes weed so desirable.

::

Just so you know: That Beastie Boys Software that their new disc downloads to your computer is not a virus.

::

Just so you know: Chris True is a Quitter:
I am writing this to you all to make it official.

July 26, 2004 will be my last day here at AMG.

I am off to persue academic interests in Houston, TX.

Thank you and Have a nice day.

Chris True, Data Proc.

::



::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Jamnes
Thanks David
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Rob went to a funeral yesterday where they have a Motorcycle-Drawn Hearse.
Penny, are you taking notes?

::

Star Wars Trilogy packaging unveiled.



::

If you ever wanted to ask Lil' Jon a question and read his response, now you can.
OOKAAAY!!

::

Diamond David Lee Roth training to be an Paramedic.
no joke.

::

Hilarious Footage: IBM engineer Dave Bradley says he developed 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' while Bill Gates made it famous.
oh man, the look in Bill Gates' eye. If Bradley winds up dead on the shoreline somewhere, is chubby body shot through by sharks with laser beams attached to their foreheads, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

::

My cousin The Miracle baby: Update.

::

This pedophile has declared his intentions to marry Emma Watson who plays Hermione in the Harry Potter movies.

"I scanned these pictures out of my special leather-bound Hermione photo album.
I have her future name imprinted in gold foil on the cover: "Hermione Nyffington."

Creepi-oso!

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks David
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Behold: The Infinite Cat Project.
Click on Frankie, then Click the "Next Cat" icon and prepare to have your brain shoot out of the top of your skull.

::

Nice.
In Detroit when a fight breaks out Nine People get Shot.
In Japan when a fight breaks out This guy bonks a girl on the head with a piece of paper.
Rock Paper Scissors has never been more exciting.

::

Entertaining AMG Biographies:

            Dave Serra
Mark Deming
      Joslyn Layne
            Andy Kellman
      Sharky LeDonk dictator of data processing
   Aaron Latham
            Sean Westergaard
            Tim Sendra
      John Bush
      Johnny Loftus
         Me
and Jason Birchmeier

::

David Sedaris is coming to The Michigan Theater.
Thursday April 14th, Two Thousand and Fucking Five.
Line up now, dorks. I'll see you in line.

::

interesting article about a piece of software that is supposedly transferred to your machine when you put the new beastie boys cd in.
"and if you don't like it then hey fuck you"


::

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray
always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on
sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He
walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything
different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and
walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time,
"Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday,
it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.

Furious, Ray yells,
"AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?
IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

To which Bessie replies,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

::



::

Don't forget about JesusOfTheWeek.Com.

::

Thanks Chris
Thanks PJ
Thanks Big-Boys.com
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Lee
Thanks Jamnes


Comments: 0

Miscellaneous Olson Twin in Rehab.
Billboard Dad nowhere to be found.

::

Spectacular new sport: ScamBaiting.
Step 1. Receive an e-mail from Nigeria or Zimbabwe that says that some deposed king has a billion dollars they need you to hold in your bank account.
Step 2. Reply to them, stringing them along and requesting bizarre things like photos of them holding cheese on their head and kissing fish, or holding signs that say "I Love Da Cawk."
Step 3. Profit in hilarity.
The best summary can be found Here.

More great photos in The Trophy Room.

::

This site has what must be hundreds of hilarious and weird photos.
Click the image to see the next random image. Addictive.




::

Here is The Passion in convenient cartoon form.
The acting might not be as good, but the music is much better.

::

Blank inf00:
this is whacked.
Jeff Tweedy pays up for YHF:
The actual radio broadcast of the woman saying "yankee...hotel...foxtrot..."

This Label sues him for copyright infringement, and settles out of court.

but the guy's entire catalog (including the infringing disc) is online and free:

by the way, i read that a lot of those long (pointless) noise-scapes on A Ghost Is Born was tweedy's doing -- no doubt whacked on some great pain-killers. well, o'rourke supposedly says to tweedy during the mix down, "you know they're going to blame me for this..."

::

Paul and I are pretty into this Matt Pond PA album.
It's a band, not a guy.

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Lee


Comments: 0

Into The Freylakh's final weekly performance will be on Sunday, June 27 at the Firefly Club.
Get yer Avant Klez-Jazz while it's still hot.

::

Just finished Pompeii by Robert Harris (278 pp hardcover).
Just like the movie Volcano with Tommy Lee Jones and Mr. Ellen DeGeneres.
Exactly like it.

::

I am currently editing/re-sequencing Wilco's A Ghost is Born to remove the 15 minute songs of Jim O'Rourke feedback noise and nose-picking art-house tomfoolery.

Wilco :: Wishful Thinking

1. Laminated Cat (Not for the Season) - 3:13
2. Handshake Drugs - 4:11
3. Hell Is Chrome - 4:34
4. Spiders (Kidsmoke) - 2:19
5. A Magazine Called Sunset - 2:23
6. Muzzle of Bees - 3:35
7. Hummingbird - 3:02
8. Bob Dylan's 49th Beard - 2:20
9. Wishful Thinking - 3:25
10. Company in My Back - 3:47
11. I'm a Wheel - 2:38
12. At Least That's What You Said - 3:17
13. Chinese Apple - 3:31
14. More Like the Moon - 6:08
15. The Late Greats - 2:30

still in progress...

::

All of the sudden I'm really interested in buying this top on eBay.
Also useful for carrying fruit.

::

Looks like Marvel is going to make a Spider-Man India comic.
"Readers of this series will not see the familiar Peter Parker of Queens under the classic Spider-Man mask, but rather a new hero – a young, Indian boy named Pavitr Prabhakar. As Spider-Man, Pavitr leaps around rickshaws and scooters in Indian streets, while swinging from monuments such as the Gateway of India and the Taj Mahal."

::



::

Thanks Jennifer
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks David


Comments: 0

This site randomly generates a Bawdy Victorian Sex Cry.
"Redouble the active energy of your thrusts, lest I die from my own inflamed appetites!"

::

All the way from Africa comes this link to The George Bush "Uhhhh" Soundboard.
The following quotes all came from the mouth of our current president:

"It's not a dictatorship in Washington, but I tried to make it one in that instance.
We are beginning to see some success in opening up federal coffers for faith-based programs."

"Justice was being delivered to a man who defied that gift from the Almighty to the people of Iraq."

“If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.”

"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it,"

"There is no such thing necessarily in a dictatorial regime of iron-clad absolutely solid evidence.
The evidence I had was the best possible evidence that he had a weapon."

“I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here.”

“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings.
And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable.
And we're going to do something about it.”

“Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to
enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment.”

“People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil?
You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you.”

"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers.
Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."

::

Entertaining thread about how people would fix the All Music Guide if only they had their way.
"Allmusic.com bites the big one. Allmusic.com sucks! I give it the old FU! Do you hear that Allmusic? FU! It makes me so mad..."

::

Goody sez: Why Condos are fun -- I swear the Onion didn't write this.
My favorite part of the story is that it shows that huge picture of that huge bald guy, and underneath it says "Click Picture to Enlarge"

Jesus Christ, why would you possibly want to make that man any bigger?

::

Two nice images of New York's skyline at Blank00.com.
Hi NYLee!

::

Big ups to Heathen who says that our little baby is "the best blog in the world" (actual quote).
Bowie and Avril fans Unite Under This Highly Entertaining, Highly Canadian Blog!

::

Steve says: "Happy anniversary, foolio. Get some."

::

Thanks Dadid
Thanks Chris
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody


Comments: 0

New photos at our Johnsonia site:

- Flowers 2004 -


- Porchsleeper :: Early 2004 -


::

How Much Ink Is In a Sharpie you ask?
a lot.

::

David asks:
"Can someone even try to disagree with the words 'Natalie Portman' and 'see-thru-dress' in the same sentence?"
Nope. Absolutely not, pal.

::

Here is a hi-larious Harry Potter skit that I missed on Saturday Night Live, featuring Lindsay Lohan as an...um...blossoming Hermione.


And Horatio Sans as the world's dirtiest Hagrid.

::

Noice U of M Squirrels movie set to the tune of "Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz.

::

A pretty great list of Life's Unanswered Questions.
Highlights:
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?

think about it...

::

Comics Update:
-Opus is back!
Click it!

-Good article about Bill Watterson, who's not back.
Click it!

Finally, there is some speculation that Bill Watterson is secretly drawing a comic called Frazz and it is supposedly about Calvin as a grown-up.

-Conspiracy here:
Click it!

Rob says it's all bunk.

::

Thanks David
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Joslyn
Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody


Comments: 0

This link takes you to an amazing site that illustrates a picture of Bob Dylan in typeface with the lyrics to "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright."
The rest of the site is interesting too. Font dorks rejoice.

::

Queer Eye for the Dead South African Guy?
"I killed her because she reminded me of an old school teacher whom I hated very much."

::

Computer geek wrote a program to analyze thousands of pitchforkmedia reviews to try to determine what, in their opinion, makes a great pop song/record. He then wrote a few songs based on this criteria.
I say we hire him at AMG.

::

Here are The Men Behind Boba Fett.

::

Somebody I know always said that Architects were big pains in the asses.
This joker is selling his diplomas on eBay because the world has been so cruel to him.
Boo fucking hoo.

::

Titanic in 30 seconds re-enacted by bunnies.

::

Rob's got a couple funny names of people on his site: Associate Professor at the National Institute of Education Chew Shit Fun and Olympic Advisor Dick Pound.

I still say those guys got nuthin' on Patsy Cline's daughter Julie Dick-Fudge.

::



::

Thanks Dan
Thanks David
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

As if you didn't know already, AMG won their softball game last night 20-6, roundly defeating a bunch of guys who looked like they should be really good at softball.
MVPs:
Jim Roll for an outstanding in-the-park homer,
Sharky Le Donk for bringing the solid pitching,
The Mangus Twins for heavy hits (although Don was stranded on third twice),
and George (just 'cause I really like George).

::

Detroit's ROCK CITY concert schedule has been announced.
Porchsleeper would be there, but Detroit fucking hates us.

::

Blank00 brings these humorous(?) scary(?) socially aware(?) iRaq / iPod posters that have been popping up in L.A.
<jet> "Are you gonna be my death toll?" </jet>

::

It looks like there is going to be an American Idol-style reality show to decide who gets to be the new lead singer of INXS.
This story makes my stomach hurt.

::

Say! This is Something!

::

Gotta go, Mark and I are gonna become Mud Jackers.

::



::

Thanks Lee
Thanks Ryan
Thanks Goody
Thanks Mark


Comments: 0

::

Just finished Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett (368 pp, hardcover).
Certainly entertaining, although not all that well written...sort of like a Larry McMurtry novel for dorks.

::

Speaking of dorks, here is classic (well, classic for the internet) movie of dorks playing Real Life Dungeons and Dragons in the woods...in full costume...and casting spells...and there's a girl there!
"Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Sleep!"

::

If you have said "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" more than once in the last six weeks, you may not realize that You Are Not Dave Chappelle.


The graph above suggests that 6,367,619,884 out of every 6,367,619,885 people in the world are not Dave Chappelle, and therefore should shut the hell up.

::

Although almost certainly faked with them there newfangled computing machines,
this Ping Pong Volley is pretty funny.

::

Hey...c'mon guys...



::

Thanks Brian
Thanks Big-Boys.com
Thanks AnotherSite.uk


Comments: 0

Two very different takes on a Porchsleeper review in Flemish.

The Original:
Heren, dames, laat u niet misleiden. Het 'bambi' meisje op de cover heeft
niks te maken met de muziek. Dit is geen bambi-muziek en er doen zelfs
helemaal geen vrouwen mee. Integendeel, dit is stevige rootsrock, zeer goed
voorzien van oren en poten, dat wel. Son Volt op een hogere snelheid. Weezer
goes roots, zo zou je 't ook kunnen omschrijven. Soms moest ik zelfs aan de
Clash denken, er zit dus zeker wat punkrock in met een stevige, soms
meerstemmige zang. De lappen zijn aldus niet uit de lucht en het aardse
wezen dat hier niet door bewogen wordt heeft waarschijnlijk net een
transformatie ondergaan naar de orde der standbeelden. Deze muziek moet
aldus geconsumeerd worden met de nodige liters bier, waarna men dan vlotjes
kan overgaan naar het verplichte headbangen en shaken. Er wordt serieus
ingevlogen vanaf het eerste nummer om pas vanaf nr. 5 even gas terug te
nemen naar een iets meer 'Steve Earleiaanser' nummer: Jennifer Got Drunk. Nu
snap ik 'm ineens ook. Dat is natuurlijk die voos kijkende mie op de
cd-cover! Time To Kill heeft iets met Reckless Kelly, nochtans komen deze
heren uit het midwesten en niet uit Texas. Het tweede deel van de cd is over
het geheel duidelijk iets minder ruig en wat meer intimistisch, waardoor ze
toch wel een puntje meer scoren dan gemiddeld. Binnenkort dus zeker uit te
testen op een blauwzomerse dag on the highway to heaven. Leuk ceedeetje,
maar volgende keer toch een andere coverfoto kiezen, dit om niet vanachter
in het laatje te geraken van onoplettende, nietsvermoedende recensenten en
andere muzikale oren. (LL)

Jim "Tex" Manheim's mostly accurate translation:
Ladies and gentlemen, do not be misled. The "Bambi" on the cover has
nothing to do with the music. Instead, this is fast roots rock, very
easy on the ears(?) ... Son Volt at a higher speed. Weezer goes roots, you
might say. Otherwise I myself think of the Clash...maybe as if they had
sung punk rock in fast harmonies. If you don't get down to this, you may
have been turned into a statue. This music should be consumed with several
liters of beer, where one can easily go beyond the compulsory headbanging
and shaking. It starts out seriously flying from the first number to the
more Steve Earle-like number "Jennifer Got Drunk." Now I get it!
That is of course the girl lookin' at me on the CD cover! "Time to Kill"
is close to Reckless Kelly, as if they came from the Midwest rather than
from Texas. The second half of this CD is obviously less raw and a bit more
intimate, for which the band gets extra points. So be sure to take it
out soon for a test drive on a blue summer's day on the highway to heaven.
This nice little CD, maybe with another cover photo selected next time,
shouldn't be allowed to fall into obscurity, since I'm guessing it hasn't
been reviewed much elsewhere.

Jennifer got drunk and translated this one:
Here's my best translation, sounding it out like German:

Gentlemen, ladies, let me not mislead you. That 'bambi' messing up the
cover didn't make the music.

This is becoming bambi-music.... Instead, this is Steve's roots rock, very
good to see from hearing and strong as well.

Their world up in hoglike speed. Weezer goes roots, so it could be written.
Mostly I myself am thinking of the Clash, you see what punk rock in the
middle of Steve, with somewhat more voice.

The laps are old, not out of luck, and had become ass that here words had
maybe not undergone transformation nor the order understood.

This music should become old consumed with several liters of beer, if one
then could overgo Vlad could or had plucked headbanging and shaking.

There were serious involvements from the first number to number 5 even so
much to name the most "Steve Earlesian" number: Jennifer Got Drunk.

Now I snap into it. That is naturally my kike voice (!) on the cd-cover!
Time to Kill was it with Reckless Kelly, after dancing come these men out of
the midwest and not out of Texas.

That tweed deal from the cd is over, it was dweeb-like, it's less slow and
more intimate, it was instead well on point, more scored than in the middle.

Been on court too sure out to test if on a blue summer's day on the highway
to heaven. Looks like a cd, more fully cared if instead another coverphoto
were used, that around no fun actor out loud to racke from unplated,
unmodeled recession and other musical ears.

::

Some terrifying Photos from "After the Party"

two are dirty...so be careful

::

Tom's review of the upcoming Tim Monger record Summer Cherry Ghosts is up.
"He's crafted a sweetly nostalgic song cycle, filled with sketches of places and people he's loved, memories he treasures
— in short, the ghosts of summers past."

::

Japan is crazy.

::

Rasputin's Huge Weiner now pickled and on display in Russia.
of course with photo.

::

Here is the story of The Neverending Story Van
Complete with murals of Atreyu, Bastian, and whatever that freaky flying dog thing was.

::

Rumsfeld Fighting Techniques.

Sleeping Dragon Technique!

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Jennifer


Comments: 0

Havilland CD Release Party

Havilland
Porchsleeper
Tenley
"Senator" Steve Amick
and a guest appearance by
Jim Roll

Frenchie's
56 East Cross Street Ypsilanti

Saturday June 12th
9 PM
All Ages
No Cover

::

Terrifying Disembodied Hand tortures Victoria's Secret Models!



page 78.

::

These are some great Futurama Panoramas.

::


Tracee Miller of Blanche hangin' with Bridget Jones at the basketball game.

::

Thanks Ryan
Thanks Chris
Thanks Daily Column


Comments: 0

Everybody wish Paul a happy 16th birthday.


Comments: 0

Fans of cool jazz and cooler graphic design: Blue Note T-Shirts now available for sale.


Indestructible!

::

Ray Charles: D.Y.K.
Dead, You Know.

::

Here's a site that allows you to upload a photo and a robot will tell you What Celebrity You Look Like.
Jennifer looks like Jamie Lee Curtis.
Penny looks like Gina Gershon and Ali Landry.
My Dad looks like Adam Goldberg and Scott Baio.
Paul looks like Richard Gere and Freddie Mercury.
and I look like Dustin Hoffman and Russel Crowe.

::

This "new" technology regarding reading the "Hook" of a song sounds oddly familiar.
like something AMG has been doing for four years or so...

::


oh, george...

::

Pretty funny "Dewey vs. Truman" story about the NHL finals in a Tampa paper...

::

Horrible quote from horrible movie website:
"Test market audiences overwhemingly love Benji Off the Leash!"
Uh...remind me not to see that one.

::

July 25th – August 13th

Max and Gerard will be in Michigan

::

The Exorcist in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

::

Big ups to Dadid for running the show yesterday.
Noice!

Thanks Jennifer
Thanks Wade
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Sara
Thanks Goody
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Repulican Punx?
What is Jello thinking right now?
::

You may have heard this on the radio a couple days ago,but
East LA Latinos love Morrissey! Qué?
::

If you are a David Sedaris fan, his new book,
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, is out now.
::

Continuing on the lit. tip, This is a great John Barth site.
::

Six Feet Under exclusive clip from the new season.
About freakin' time!
::

In case you forgot how funnythis was
or this for that matter.
Just keep playing it. It will get funnier...trust me!
::


The bossman was out today. He will be back tomorrow.
If you need me, I will be playing at a festival near you in my new supergroup, Garvis!
::


Thanks Zac
Thanks Lee
Thanks Sean
Thanks V.A.
Thanks Jason

Comments: 0

Wow. What a terrific list.
RetroCrush has put together a list of the THE 50 COOLEST SONG PARTS in popular music.

"Fight for Your Right to Party":
That opening, Buh-bowwwwwwwwwww with the bass turned up, that drifts into an electronic hum, and the high pitched "KICK IT" that follows is just great rock and roll.

"You Can Call Me Al":
There's this one bass guitar lick near the end...It's flat-out funk that hits you at the spine and makes your whole body shake.

"One Step Beyond":
"One of my all time favourite song parts is the sax intro following the opening lyrics in this song by Madness."
I agree, this ska classic makes you want to shake those elbows and dance like an asshole instantly.

::

Hilarious prank call using Lumbergh from Office Space's "Um...Yeah..." and "Right..."s.
"We're gonna need you to come in on Sunday...MMkay?"

::

Some people have seen the Top Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time.
Some may have not seen them yet.

::


                                   best hip-hop album cover ever.

::

This mom is Selling Her Kid's Playstation on Ebay.
While at first I was kind of ho-hum about this, the story she provides about how shitty her brat is makes me think about bidding...

::

Things to do during the next meeting:

Leave the room walking quickly while holding your crotch.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one cookie to each of the attendees,
then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them.

Chew Tobacco (and spit regularly)

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

If you are fluent in another language, answer all questions in that language.
(with a straight face, expecting the other person understands you)

Wear a hands free phone headset throughout and once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversations,
such as "I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!"

Shave one of your forearms during the meeting.

Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out.
Announce that you "love this dirty little town".

Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

Pull out a large wad of money and count it demonstratively.

Use a large hunting knife as a pointer for your visual aids.

Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
1. Trample the weak
2. Triumph Alone
3. Invade Poland
Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen them.

When referring to someone in the room, always call them your "homey" or "dawg."

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments.
When someone is compelled to interject, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED!!!"

Lean over in your chair, get a pained look on your face and let out a loud fart.
Then go back to the meeting as if nothing happened.

Come into the meeting late, storm right up to the facilitator of the meeting,
and with your finger pointed in their face, and with your best Heather Locklear/Melrose Place voice say
"This is my Ad Agency and if you don't like it, you can go to HELL".
And then storm out.
(This is especially effective if you slap the facilitator of the meeting across the face first.)

When your boss suggests a new idea, yell out incredulously "Are you on CRACK???"

Come into the meeting late, apologize for your tardiness and then go stand in the corner.

Refer to everyone by their nicknames...
ie William= Billy,
Thomas =Tommy,
James = Jimmy, and so forth

Ask the guys if they've seen the tits on the new receptionist.
(This is especially effective if you are female).

Apologize for your tardiness, explain that you were out last night spending all your money on pussy and beer.
(Again, especially effective if you are female).

Take off a shoe and sock, and clip your toenails.

Put your hand on the knee of the person next to you and rub seductively.

Do an armpit/BO test while giving your presentation.

Every once in a while, when its quiet......Meow

::

Now there's some Awful Plastic Surgery!

::

That is NOT our Dawn!
Warning: boobies.

::


Thanks Lee
Thanks David
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks ThatsJustNotRight.com


Comments: 0

.:DataProm:.

We need more AMG Prom Photos.
The site is already underway (thank you Maeve, Joslyn, True, Mac, Jason and Sarah).
Just like Lotto, you gotta be in it to win it.

::

PJ noticed that FireflyFans.net is posting information about the upcoming Firefly movie: 'Serenity' now has a release date of April 22, 2005
Possible spoilers enclosed, but knowing Joss Whedon's ability to kill and resurrect his characters, I'm not losing any sleep over it.


Quazi-legal Firefly shirts and stuff Here:

::

People who liked Travis back when they were good should check out Keane.
They're upliftingly mopey and sweet.

::


                                                                  lucky ball...

::

Two very different books I read over the weekend:
'The Final Confession of Mabel Stark: A Novel' by Robert Hough (hardcover, 440p):
A grand early 20th century adventure reminiscent of Michael Chabon's 'Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay' about a woman who escaped from a mental institution to become the world's greatest tiger trainer in the Ringling Brothers circus. What Moxie!

and

'It's My F---ing Birthday' by Merrill Markoe (hardcover, 225p):
It kinda sucked that somebody who wrote for Letterman for so many years would turn out such a moderately funny book.

::

"Howcrafty did you compare to the other guys in the locker room integer"
More small penis spam.

::

Trailer for the new Reese Witherspoon movie:
For any of my wives that might be interested...

::

Thanks Penny


Comments: 0

Maybe God does exist: Creed is breaking up.

::

This poor sap got into a Clash with the law.

::

My new screen saver:
i can see you when you are sleeping...

::

Witty author Max Barry (who wrote the the wildly entertaining Jennifer Government) offers up a book report on a Mary Kate and Ashley book.
only 8 days until they turn 18...

::


                                                                        dadid?


::

Weirdest Rap webpage ever:

::

Here's Matt Tobey's take on the Map that details what the most popular term for "carbonated soft-drink" is in every county in the country:

Some people say "pop", while others say "soda", and still others say "coke". However, there are entire counties in these United States that use some other word or phrase. What other words or phrases? I was as shocked as you're about to be:

Fizzy-Drinky
Horse
Caffeine-Free Diet RC
Abel Ferrara
Juice 2.0
Blood of Christ
Bubbly-Slurp
'89 Dodge Sundance (Needs Work)
Biodiesel
Devil Snot
Velvet Revolver

::

Thanks Paul
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Goody
Thanks Dan
Thanks Matt


Comments: 0

                  New Logo


Thanks Jeremy

::

"can you be any smaller grandmother"
This was the subject line of some penis enlargement spam I got.

::

Sorry Brian, sorry Goody, sorry Paul, sorry Penny:
Mark Deming is the best date to take to a rock show.
He knows exactly when to bust out the story about how Jack White opened for him when he was in Two-Star Tabernacle and Mark was in The Clutters, he buys fake beers so he can be cool and hang out but not get beligerent, he knows to shut up when the band is playing, he yells out the hip unknown song when the artist asks for requests and he can do a cool one hand clapping thing.

::

Cool photo of a Tornado.

::

Quote from Fark:
"President Bush says War on Terror is like WWII,
except that after Pearl Harbor we did not in fact attack Australia."

::

Oh, you know what? Nice name for a church.

::

Pi to one MEEELLION decimal places:
www.3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592.com

::

If you'd like, you can have your portait drawn standing next to Stevie Nicks.

::

Target.com is now featuring a raging debate regarding racism on the page selling the
Dukes of Hazzard DVDs.

THE MOST RACIST SHOW ON TV
Reviewer: Mike from NY

Entertaining show, for country rednecks. This series was the most racist show on tv, from the confederate flag,down to the #@%@ car named the General Lee after the founder of the KKK. Please..... just the good old country boys is right.

Mike, get your facts straight
Reviewer: Ben from GYPSUM, KS United States

I challenge anyone to find a single instance of racism in the whole series. You won't because there aren't any. As for Robert E Lee - he did not found the KKK and was never a member. The KKK was founded by Nathan Bedford Forrest. (Didn't you ever watch Forrest Gump? His name contributes to one of the first scenes in the movie.) General Lee did fight for the Confederacy, but it was only because of his belief in states' rights, not for slavery. In fact, he inherited 130 slaves and promptly freed them due to his hatred of the institution of slavery.


::


Thanks Fark
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks David


Comments: 0

This is something that I really thought would come up sooner but hasn't seemed to surface...
There's this real cool rock band called The Von Bondies who put out a record on Sire and are touring the world and now have a song that HBO is using in their ads. Well the grumble around Detroit is that at least one (if not several) of the songs on their record were cribbed liberally from other local rock bands. It's tough to picture the magnitude until you listen to this sort-of mash-up of the Von Bondies hit "C'mon C'mon" and a 2003 song called "American Pig" by Detroit rockers The Go.

Listen and decide for yourself: GoVonBondies.mp3

::

This elderly couple thought the bolt in the middle of a road sign meant that they had to drive 1.5 miles per hour.

::

Summer Festival and Top of the Park events have been announced.

::

Detroit Tastefest lineup has been announced.

::

Mike Feldkamp is now working for Musicland with Vladimir, just so you are in the loop.

::

This guy thinks that Spinning around in a roomfull of kids with his feet out is a good idea.
Wha-Bam, does that kid get it.

::

Bad Joke
A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over. When he asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to do a show that night for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.

The Officer told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Officer that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Officer told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Officer got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Officer observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, cause there's no way I can pass that test.

::

Chicago Sara Hall has fancied up her site.

::


Thanks Fark
Thanks Big-Boys.com
Thanks Ryan


Comments: 0

I don't see South Park very often, but last night's (rerun?) was pretty funny.
The part that had me rolling was when the kids get taken into an alien spacecraft and the alien is trying to come up with a form he can take so the kids won't be freaked out by his appearance. So first he shows up as Stan's dad but the kids think that is "way too Contact" and that movie sucked, so he tries a bunch of other things like Michael Jordan, Don King, Ricardo Montalban and Tattoo, J.J. Walker, Missy Elliot, and the kids all shoot those ideas down. Finally the alien asks "All right, earthlings, what form do you want me to take?"
and Cartman says "How about a taco that craps ice cream?"

So then this Taco appears and while he's explaining all of this very serious stuff, little ploops of ice cream keep falling out of him.
Not exactly Oscar Wilde, mind you, but Christ was it funny.

::

The debut of Bubb Rubb explaining Whistle Tips on cars.

Now you can hang with Bubb Rubb and Lil' Sis on the Bubb Rubb Soundboard.

::

Scarlett Johansson now making out with girls.
Whoa whoa whoa...slow it down, sugar. Look what happened to poor Britney.

::

This Game is infuriating until you figure it out..
Then it is easy...and makes you feel kinda dumb for not getting it sooner.

::

This Ad for Coke that was made into a poster in South Africa in the '80s had subliminal dirty pictures in the ice cubes.
That reminds me, I think I may still have the Pepsi Can that said "SEX" in neon on the side...

::

Just finished Girlfriend 44 by Mark Barrowcliffe (384 pp, Hardcover).
Started slow, then got entertaining...almost as if Nick Hornby had re-written "Bridget Jones' Diary."

::

Nice story about my Cousin Julie and her miracle baby Lili that aired on Lansing TV.

::

Oh my God, all hail the Heavy Metal Cat.
I haven't laughed that hard since I saw a taco that craps ice cream.

::

Paul says:
Thought I'd mention that tonight is high school graduation for Ann Arbor schools at Chrysler Arena on Stadium at 5pm. Traffic is sure to be crazy, it may be a good idea to avoid the area.
Thanks Poppy.

::


Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Dadid
Thanks SnikkSnakk
Thanks Paul


Comments: 0