.:DataWhat?:.

Very funny (safe for work) video of women's faces as they're getting their lower bits waxed.
I can't believe how many of them are actually laughing. The best part is where a foreign woman asks (through a translator) whether or not it will be painful, the wax technician says "Yes, very" then the translator tells the woman "No it is totally painless."

::




Suitable for framing, these large 18" x 24" posters are printed on durable heavyweight gloss text stock with aqueous coating, each one personally signed and numbered out a limited edition of 100.

::

Chicago Steve Hall found these before and after photos of people on Crystal Meth.
We have determined that being on Meth causes you to get really fucked-up haircuts.

::

If you have never seen William Shatner singing "Rocket Man" at some sci-fi convention in the late 70s...brother you haven't lived.
It devolves into this split screen of three versions of Shatner and one of them doing this weird lounge shimmy...you kinda gotta see it.

::

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

::

This guy got his car trapped in an avalanche and peed his way out using urine to melt the snow.
See, there is a good reason to always have 30 beers in your car.

::

H.O.P.E. In America (those brave souls who were offering an Ashlee Simpson CD trade-in and trying to shame people into staying away from Paris Hilton's book signing) has a blog.
Look out Jamie Lynn Spears! They're comin' right at you!

::

Oh this poor poor weatherman.
How do you get to be at that level (even if it is just at a college TV station) with absolutely no public speaking skills? Doesn't it seem like somebody in one of his Broadcasting classes shoulda sat him down and said "Look Harvey, you're a great guy and everything, but you should maybe re-think working toward a job where you will have to communicate ideas using your mouth...what about accounting? Huh? Accounting is pretty cool, right?"

::


...seconds before what the Vatican is now referring to as "The Ozzy Incident"

::

Steve wants to know if anyone has this movie on DVD...
I'd lend him mine but I'm still using it...

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks "Some Arab Guy"
Thanks Chicago Steve Hall
Thanks Rob
Thanks Steve
Thanks Lee
So long, ThatsJustNotRight.com


Comments: 0

At the bar last night Steve Version 2.0 and I ran into some metal dude double fisting Budweisers and talking about Exploited, the Germs and Celtic Frost. He said his name online was "Buckle-Skouch"
And we said "Fuck Yeah!"

::


The Dreamer and the Dream
18" x 14"
oil on canvas panel
$500

This is a picture of L. Ron Hubbard on the couch eating Funyuns and pizza.
He's thinking, "Mmmm, that's a lot of pizza!"

::

My Onion Page-A-Day Calendar Makes Me Laugh:

Mad Lib Filled With Swears

PORTLAND, ME— The popular party amusement Mad Libs was misued for profane purposes Monday, when Peter Leff, a Portland-area 12-year-old, filled the blank spaces on a "Space Adventure Mad Lib" entirely with swear words.

"Prepare to shit the enemy," Leff had Space Commander Mr. Garrick say. "Set all pussys on fart and brace for blowjobs."

This prompted Dave Below to recount his 6th Grade Dirty Madlibs story.
about halfway down, under the pictures of Calibos from 'Clash Of The Titans'

::

"PEOPLE CAN'T HELP BUT LOOK AT A PREGNANT WOMAN'S BUMP!"
Now you can advertise your product on a pregnant woman's belly thanks to eBay.
I'm voting for Jack Daniels or maybe Marlboro winning the auction, or those fucking radical militant Pro-Lifers....

::

This has been floating around for a while, but that don't stop it from being funny: This guy offers smarting critiques to childrens art.
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F

::

Lucky Greek kids get to watch porn on the bus.
"The driver said 'kids we've got porn, do you want to watch it'," one of the pupils told reporters. "Everyone started shouting yes, yes and he just put in a tape and we watched it on the small TV screens on the bus."

The lucky pricks were aged 12 to 15.

::



::

For those who enjoy reading the socially snarky Whatevs.org but get lost somewhere between "bovs" and "stizz"... now there is a nifty Whatevs Glossary.
Revealed!

::

Thanks Maeve
Thanks Ben
Thanks Goody
Thanks Chris


Comments: 0

Matt Tobey has at long last published his "The 500 Best Songs Ever!" list, compiled from the hearts and ears of many AMG employees, other funny guys and assorted folks that I don't know but have great taste in music.
In all honesty, I don't know that I've ever seen a list that I respect as much as this. There are the weird songs that you thought only you liked like "Buick City Complex" by the Old 97s, "Ana Ng" by They Might Be Giants, "You Were Right" by Built to Spill, and any list that has The Police's "So Lonely" at the #40 spot is right on in my book.

::

Possibly the coolest/geekiest thing ever!

The entire Star Wars Episode IV in ascii



telnet here: o towel.blinkenlights.nl

if you do not know how to use telnet:
start menu >> run... >> type "telnet" >> copy the above address, and right-click in the telnet window to paste.

voila!

::

Two great Spams:

Subject: pit viper girls living with [06]
It went on to talk about Viagra I think, but the subject line was the awesome part.


-----Original Message-----
From: glay.org
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 3:47 AM
Subject: Heyyy, sweetheart

I know it might seem a little desperate, but how would you like to keep me some company?

My Sack of shit husband doesn't love me anymore, I'm looking for some excitement without breaking up our family.

Write me back here: http://chilltoday

P.S. it's me Megan

I dunno, the "Sack of shit husband" part was the real grabber...

::

For some reason Debbie Gibson thinks people want to see her take her clothes off for Playboy.
Maybe in 1985, maybe not so much in 2005...(ok I guess she woulda only been 15 in 1985, but 1985 is funnier than 1987.)
And look what great posing in Playboy did for Tiffany! What's that? It didn't do anything for Tiffany? Oh ok...my bad.

::

Here is a picture of the truck owned by the dumbest person in the world.
Although it is missing a sticker of Calvin peeing on something...

::

Optical Illusion:

Keep looking at the picture, and you'll see a giraffe.

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Matt
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0

Site of the Day!

PostSecret is a site that displays postcards mailed in revealing secrets people are hiding, like "I only love one of my children" and "I believe my dead grandmother watches me with great disappointment every time I masturbate."
Similar to the Apology Line that was featured on NPR a while back.

::

Nice cross marketing to go along with that story from the other day.


::

Investment tips for 2005.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2005.


1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

::

Kryptos is a sculpture located on the grounds of CIA Headquarters in Langley, Virginia. Installed in 1990, its thousands of characters contain encrypted messages, of which three have been solved (so far). There is still a fourth section at the bottom consisting of 97 or 98 characters which remains uncracked.
More from Wired

::

Brilliant! The 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004 is so good, mostly because it lists the person's crime and how they should meet their demise.

#23. Jerry Bruckheimer

Smoking Gun: Who brings a fucking Gatling gun to an asteroid?

Punishment: Made into shoes for Martin Scorsese.

::

Over 100,000 hits, folks. Couldn'ta done it without you.

::

Thanks Chris
Thanks Lee
Thanks Paul
Thanks Horkulated


Comments: 0

Dan Trenz put together a neat little "Recommended If You Like" function on his Urbn-Planning site. Basically it is a user submitted collection of band names and then other bands that people belive are similar. the dataset is small now, so if you have a few minutes, feel free to fill in your areas of expertise.
Similar sites: MusicPlasma (flashy but limited) and Gnod (nice "smart" functionality, but a stupid name)

::


King of the Cage
17" x 16"
oil on canvas flap
2001

::

Nifty animation that looks really good and I have absolutely no idea what it means...
OK, so there's this singing eye, then these arms come out of a box and...aw, you kinda gotta see it.

::

Holy God, if you want to buy some of Sammy Hagar's urine or John Cougar Mellencamp's bacteria, you can from this site.
FAQ: Is this legal?

Yes. Federal laws simply require that our samples not create an immediate threat of injury or disease propagation. Our fecal matter, urine, saliva, and sweat specimens are hermetically sealed in unbreakable plastic containers to prevent any unwanted personal injury. Bacteria and skin cells are sealed within heavy-duty glass microscope slides.

::

Choice tawdry paperback covers from old tawdry paperbacks.
Ooh, "Sex by Bingo"...is that the game or the clown? Either way, I'm totally in!

::

Ever wish a church sign would say something else,
less about religion and more about Sammy Hagar's urine? Looky Here!

Heh heh...


::


Thanks Dan
Thanks Mark
Thanks Chicago Dave


Comments: 0

Dave Below's got a nice personal look back on Johnny Carson.
Complete with sleepover memories and commentary on the skill and ceremony of making a drink.

::


Those That Bind
24" x 22"
oil on canvas
2002
$1000

::

The scientists here at AMG have done some work in speeding up the load time of the website.
Come visit us if you've been away for a while.
I say: It is now faster.

::

During CNN's coverage of the Inauguration the other day, you can hear some disgruntled soul shouting "Fuck Bush" on the air while a commentator is trying to commentate.
Aw, get a blog...

::

When you post your photo to Streetstyle's "Hall of Style" page, you gotta expect people are gonna give you some comments.
Like: "Oh hell no! OG? Thug? You can't even spell Johnny Blaze, so why are you tryin' to rock it?! What is that ish in your hair and why you got that retarded look on your face? You hella goofy homie!!"

::

A visiting minister spoke eloquently during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord " he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.

"Without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued but at that moment the little girl next to me asked quite loudly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

::

You wouldn't think all of these catalogs and manuals of Old Woodworking Machines would have occupied about 45 minutes of my attention tonight, but you'd be wrong.
What fonts! Old catalogs and hand-typed invoices! What weird gadgets! What the hell am I doing?

::

Memo from Gerard:

Remember that time that Crispin Glover called the State Theater and left an message on my answering machine to try and get us to show his film?

You may remember that Goody and I went to a showing of the film in Pontiac.

You may also remember that the movie was completely insane. Filled with kids with Down Syndrome, naked big boobed monkey headed women in a watermelon patch, countless depictions of murder of sentient snails and, of course, the puppet show!

Don't remember?

Here, finally, is the trailer:

Enjoy!
G

note, there is non-erotic nudity in the trailer. Verrrry non-erotic.


::

from russia with love

Hey all right, The Australian Open is on.

::

NY Times article that mentions Soundmurderer.
Hi Todd! Hiiiiiii!

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Paul
Thanks Dadid
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Lee
Thanks Gerard


Comments: 0

Next Thursday:



The Prime Ministers
Restroom Poets
Porchsleeper
at Smalls in Hamtramck

::

Hmmm...another one of those Lord of the Rings animated gifs asks: Was Denethor a vampire?
And how the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks do you tell all of those hobbits apart?

One More: "Game Over"

OK, one more: "I Think You Should Shave Your Beard"

OK, Ok, one more: "Unlimited Nights and Weekends"

Aw jeez:

"Boromir's Imaginary Phone"

More here, but beware of rampant repressed homosexuality/blatant homophobia, because for some reason the thread eventually devolves into animated gifs of Hobbits demanding blowjobs from eachother...boys will be boys I guess...

::

I swear to God I was nowhere near Prague...
"PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech man is being taken to court after he hid in a restaurant washroom until the employees had left and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth."

::

Stressed at work? Not as stressed as this guy is.
The one where he retaliates against the paper airplanes is the real winner.

::

Everything on the internet is a lie. Y'know how you heard that all those crazy-ass fish washed up onshore after the Tsunami? Lies.
PJ did preface her initial e-mail with "This may be fake, but..." Smartest. Wife Ever.

Also, let it be known that this is the second time .:DataWhat:. has linked to PracticalFishkeeping.co.uk

::

Attention Dorks: Jewel Staite who played Kaylee on Firefly will be in this Lifetime Movie Monday night.
Somebody tell me how it was, 'cause I really don't think I'm gonna watch it.

::

OOHH! So this teeth-grindingly self-important p.r.i.c.k. parked his Hummer in a loading zone and ran in to get a "venti"-sized (ooh...key-riced don't get me started on my Leary-esque rant regarding trying to get a regularly-named cup of regular fucking coffee nowadays) cup of black coffee, and a meter attendant comes by and gives him a ticket, so the guy throws his scalding cup of coffee in her face.
This guy should get life in prison. He lost his right to freedom. Let him rot.


::


                           Gates - "Smithers, have Adobe Photoshop killed."
                           Smithers - "But, sir..."
                           Gates - "Do as I say!"

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks David
Thanks Lee
Thanks Chris
Thanks KT
Thanks Leighton


Comments: 0

News Flash!

An alliance announced today between MSN Music and Smithsonian Folkways Recordings will make tens of thousands of historic songs from legendary performers of folk, blues, jazz and world music available online for the first time, allowing music fans to discover a diverse world of music and sound. The Smithsonian Folkways catalog of nearly 35,000 tracks, which is only available for download through MSN Music in the United States, features legendary artists Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, Lucinda Williams, Big Bill Broonzy, Lightnin' Hopkins, Ella Jenkins and more. The archive also features nonmusical tracks including speeches, poetry and natural sounds from around the world.

Click here for MSN's Smithsonian Folkways page

::


Two Warriors Come Out of the Sky
20" x 16"
acrylic and dirt on canvas
2001

::

Click Here for The Hasselhoffian Recursion!!!
If you stare too long into the abyss, the abyss with begin to stare back at you...

::

Darth Tater
Thanks to everybody who sent this to me.

::

Pretty enjoyable movie where a guy snorts an entire kitten up his nose.
I'm pretty sure it's fake, what with computers and all.

::

One of these things reportedly washed up on the shore after the tsunami.

I'm not gonna tell you which one.

::

Speaking of garbage left behind after the tsunami,
look at these lazy fucks sunbathing as workers work around them.
I wish one of those alienfish would come up and bite these honkeys.

::

Speaking of garbage left behind after the tsunami, Courtney Love looks really weird...
...and kinda like an albino(?)


::


Photos of Hong Kong apartment buildings.

::

Are you like me and enjoy those magnetic ribbons that are stuck to the side of cars, but just haven't found the one that expresses your sentiments yet? This site has the ribbon for you:
Whether you feel like shouting "God Bless Jingoist Ribbons" or if you want to say "I Temporarily Support the Troops" or heck, if you just want a ribbon celebrating "Pre-Cooked Bacon" then PoMoSideshow has what you're looking for.

::

Thanks Jamnes
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Golden Fiddle
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Rob
Thanks Steve
Thanks PJ
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Collar
Thanks Lee


Comments: 0

Link Of The Day!

"One does not simply walk into Mortor..."
"...but you're not a ninja wizard."

::


"The Anguish"
24" x 12""
oil on canvas
2003
$2000

::

Potentially interesting technology: Predixis.
You run it on your MP3 collection, and it analyses the MP3s somehow (Waveform? Tempo? Some Fourier Transform? Magic Elves?) then it creates Mix Playlists it thinks you will like. The technology is interesting, but I bet we can do it better.

::

Seen Yr Video:
This is probably old news, but Twin-Tone has a whole page of live video performances.
Note: The Jayhawks, Soul Asylum (back when they were good), the Mekons, and the beautiful beautiful Replacements.

::

Esquire has taken the muss and fuss out of choosing the greatest band in the world!
One of those NCAA tournament-style things, only with people I'm actually interested in!

::



::

Thanks Mark
Thanks Chris
Thanks Dan


Comments: 0

Letters from children to Christopher Walken


::
If you ever wanted to disable the Windows Media Player's "Autorun" feature for Windows 2000 (meaning shutting off the function that automatically launches the Windows Media Player every time you put in a CD), This is what you have to do:

In your Registry:
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Services\CDRom]
Enable: "Autorun"="1"
Disable: "Autorun"="0

Christ what a pain...I've gotta hack into the registry instead of just adjusting a setting?
Hmmmm....Windows operating system, Windows Media Player...Not a monopoly....Moving on...

::

The 100 oldest web domains.
Ah to go back to 15-Mar-1985 and capture the domain of Symbolics.com...Just look where they are today!

::

Gerard re-posted some of his horribly Engrished Kenyan Bootleg DVDs.
Some of the scans are lost to the ages, but I recommend Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (complete with guns and misspellings), Full Metal Jacket 2 (some kind of video "mash-up" of a John Ritter movie and Pauly Shore's "In the Army Now") and If These Walls Could Talk 2 (complete with the tagline "Women Love Woman" and then a picture of a guy on the cover).

Aw Christ, they're all good. Look at 'em all , and Weep. Weep my children, because the "102 Dalmations" cover with Glenn Close as Cruella DeVille holding two sawed-off shotguns is no longer available...

::

Hey! Here's a funny movie by Matt Tobey where he impersonates Baby Jessica stuck in the well and Bill Cosby trying to shill Jell-o pudding, all acted out by cologne bottles (Bill Cosby's the black one...maybe Drakkar?).
If you don't like it, look what these toothless fucks are saying!

::

I just got my new Esquire, and as much as I wanted this photo to be in there, it weren't.
Where is it from? and how can I get a Farrah Fawcett-sized poster for the cigar room? I'm a simple man...just give me everything that I want.

::

Bill Gates' 1983 Teen Beat Photospread:

Actually from 1985 (note the Windows 1.0 box next to the Mac in the second picture), and not for Teen Beat, but that's a better story anyways...

::

Thanks Gerard
Thanks Dan
Thanks Rob
Thanks Matt


Comments: 0

MotorCityRocks gives ample props to The Great Lakes Myth Society.
Damn straight

::

Speaking of Ample Props.
Oh, Miss Scarlett...

::


Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!

::

Pretty neat Zoom-able image of a city (maybe in Europe?).
It's 3:05 according to the clock tower (top center)

::

This has been floating around for a whiie but not everybody has seen it. This guy does some pretty spectacular Sidewalk painting with a great sense of depth and persective.
I'm even more impressed that the guy who runs this site is friends with Edie McClurg who played the secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

::

This is a pretty great commercial with a guy on a defective treadmill.
The shelves full of stuff at the very end is the capper.
Equally hilarious are the comments by people protesting that it is fake.

::

Teen Girl Squad + Sixteen-hour drum solo = much hilarity.
"Can I not get stuck playing the bass?"

::

There:

Finally something that everyone who lives in my house can enjoy.

::

Quick: Here are MP3s of the new Beck Album.
Get 'em now before "the man" takes 'em down.

::

Thanks Chris
Thanks Dan
Thanks Golden Fiddle
Thanks Chris
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Best:



Next best thing: Jennifer Aniston's MySpace Account
Well...it's not really hers, but that didn't stop any of the people who left comments.

Edit Eh...it was better earlier today when she was talking about her breakup
and everybody was saying "hang in there tiger, You'll do GREAT!"

::

Here is the time-honored worst album covers of all time (you know, with "Joyce," "Tino," and "Julie's Sixteenth Birthday," but this time there are good comments).
"I *think* they wanted this to be a picture of a father consoling his young daughter on her sweet sixteen because she got pregnant or something. What I see when I look at this picture is a married guy (wedding ring) in a bar (beer and cigarette), holding hands with a girl who is twenty years his junior. She has been in the trunk of his Camaro for two or three days, and he made her put on lots of makeup so he could get her in to the bar for a date. He is busy insisting that she loves him, or will grow to love him if she knows what’s good for her. She silently screams for him to stop squeezing her hand so hard and just let her go. The absence of eye contact says it all. She is praying for the sweet release of death."

::

Another quality list of banned albums.
From The Beatles' "Butcher Cover" to The Coup's creepy 9/11-predicting World Trade Center exploding album cover.



::

The highest quality list of Mark Deming's 100 Favorite Songs.
All part of Thanks Matt Tobey's mad scheme.

::

Here is a handful of bootleg Chinese DVDs with really horrible Engrish on them.
These are fun, but not nearly as good as Gerard's old page when he lived in Kenya. The remnants of that page are Here, but it loses something without the pictures.

Tyg, do you still have those images? You gotta get those back up somewhere.

::

Wow. Really nice Fantasy/Sci Fi illustrations by Jon Foster.
Dorks Unite!

::

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gud.

::



::

OMG! Could I be any more excited?!?
Four Words: Motor. City. Buffy. Con.

Best yet: It's in Ypsi-Fucking-Lanti. Ha! I don't even have to leave town!

Am I kidding? The answer is no.
Will Derek call me gay? The answer is yes.

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Rob
Thanks Whatevs.org
Thanks Horkulated


Comments: 0

Lycos is now offering an MP3 search.
Quazi-legal to be sure, but maybe you can scoop some up while nobody's looking...

::

Decent Luna show on MP3 From Ontario late last year.
This is not an MP3 Blog.

::



::

Finally
Dave Below has a blog.
"With this blog I swear to upold the principles of truth, equality, and uh, freedom in mass communication aaaaand ehhh, uhmm, ethical treatment of all opinions and ide...aw fuck it., it's gonna be about lightsabres and laser fights in space. And sweet drumsets and Van Halen rants defending all 3 singers. Pretty much what friends know I really only seriously get excited about."

::

Blank-Double-Zero sneaks in his Best of 2004 list:
Hey, I've heard of Madvillain. I'm still cool, kids.

::

Perry found this hilarious comic strip about how weird Roger Ebert is.
"And what the fuck was he saing about Gene Siskel's wang?"

::

Best Worst Albums of 2004 list yet.
"Playing the harp and having a weird voice don't excuse you from having to write songs that are actually interesting."

Ha! Take that indie kids!

::


I swear to god, darlin' I didn't know she was gonna be on the cover when I got my subscription.

::

Last Mash-Up Evar:
Fugazi's "Waiting Room" meets Destiny's Child's "Independent Woman"
Ian, I didn't know you could get down like that.

This is not an MP3 Blog.

::

Thanks Perry
Thanks Dan
Thanks Golden Fiddle
Thanks Lee
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0

The horrible, horrible Grammy Nominations were announced today.

Commentary:
Notice hoobastank's aptly named publishing company:

"The Reason": Daniel Estrin & Douglas Robb, songwriters (Hoobastank)
[Island Records; Publisher: Spread Your Cheeks And Push Out The Music.]
Uh...dudes? Does your Grandma know that you called your publishing company that? Isn't "Hoobastank" bad enough on its own?


And Oh My God doesn't this sound terrible:

Hey Good Lookin'
Jimmy Buffett, Clint Black, Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, Toby Keith & George Strait
Track from: License To Chill
Even the album title is terrible. Please put guns in both of my eyes and shoot them.


::

Pretty clever:

The Random Web Search page looks a lot like Google, but you can have it suggest random searches.
Like "umbrella cheese"  "assbadger" and "Urinals in Scotland."

::

My friend Gerard who lives in Guatemala has a blog.
And his son Max got a tattoo, apparently...

Gerard really had one of the first "weblogs" out there. He moved to Kenya and in order to keep us up to speed he started a website...well, the only easy avenue to do that through at the time was through Angelfire and they made you name your website through this convoluted chain of "Interests" like "Fishing" and...I dunno "Horticulture" or something, so you would end up with a goofy-titled url for your page like www.Fishing/andHorticulture.Angelfire.com or something bizarro like that, so Gerard ended up with Wrestling / WithLions and it looks like it stuck: Ladies and Guatemalans, I give you www.wrestlingwithlions.blogspot.com

Please note: This website is not interesting yet.

::

"What's that? Did you say Weapons of Mass Distruction? Ohh...sorry. I thought we were looking for your car keys."
"no..no, we didn't find those either..."

::



::

Click here to clean your monitor.
It's cute. Girls will like it.

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Believe it or not Porchsleeper had the 50th best selling record on Miles of Music last year...


Go to MilesOfMusic.com then scroll down to the "Top 50 of 2004"

::

Here is a great e-mail trail of a guy who is playing along with an e-mail scammer.
You know what I'm talking about: The whole "Please send me the numbers for your bank account and I'll put 30 million dollars in it" kind of thing. This guy gets more and more insane as he has correspondence with this scamming Angolan, eventually peppering his e-mails with phrases like "things here are good... the carnival was in town last week and my uncle Joey ran off with the rubber lady... that cad! He’s always chasing the womens."

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A collection of 1940s-era female mugshots:
Most of whom were arrested for prostitution, and most of whom have very interesting ideas about how lipstick should be worn.

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Apple has some new treats, like this $99 iPod.
Holds 240 songs, weighs as much as a house key, and is the size of a pack of gum.

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Forehead Advertising Space Available 4x5" Busy Bald Guy.
eBay's got it all.

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Yahoo is beta testing a Video Search much like Google's image search.
Alls I know is now you can have all of the GI Joe Videos at your fingertips.

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Dan found this 404 message today:

Webserver is Smoking

The requested webserver has caught fire due to massive and extended usage and is currently melting down into slag.
Apache/2.0.51 (Fedora) Server at webmirror.kobran.org Port 80

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Interesting idea: CameraMail:
Send a working disposable camera through the mail asking postal workers to take photos with it.



The problem is that you end up with a bunch of pictures like this:


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Thanks Goody
Thanks David
Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Rob
Thanks Lee
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0

Three more Tsunami Videos have surfaced.
Man, that was a hell of a lot of water...

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New AMG Techology: Lasso.
Pronounced "LASS-oh" not "Lass-OOH" and sounds best if it is whispered like a secret.

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Don Sweeny

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.:DataArt?:.
Pretty interesting breakdown of artists' popularity as determined by the organizing curators of museums and private galleries.
Paul Klee is screamin' up the charts, while poor Jean DuBuffet takes a tumble down six places to number 24.

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Photos of Rock Stars as Little Kids:
The only ones instantly recognizable are The Gallagher Brothers (the eyebrow gives it away) and Paul Stanley (who looks like he may have been experimenting with Makeup long before Kiss ever hit the scene).

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According to my in-depth research, these are the songs featured in the film
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou but are not on The Soundtrack.


“City Lights” from the soundtrack to Boney
“Meteoric Rain” from the soundtrack to Solar Flares
“Thatchery” from the soundtrack to Innerspace
“Music for Eels” from the soundtrack to Innerspace
Written and performed by Sven Libaek

“Space Oddity”
“When I Live My Dream”
“Queen Bitch”
“Ziggy Stardust”
“Oh! You Pretty Things”
“Changes”
“Lady Stardust”
Written by David Bowie :: Performed by Seu Jorge

“Concierto de Aranjuez” by Paco De Lucia

“Starlfur” by Sigur Ros


Heard in the the trailer:
"Ceremony" by New Order
"Starman" by David Bowie
"Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie

Apparently in the movie, but I'll be damned if I heard any of it...and I was listening too.
“Wachet Auf Ruft Uns Die Stimme”
“Num Komm Der Heiden Heiland”
“Passacaglia In C Minor”
“Sanctify Us”
Written by Johann Sebastian Bach :: Performed by Angela Hewitt

Anyone hear Angela Hewett's Piano fingers in this movie?
Lemme know where or when please.

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Anti-seat belt law advocate is killed in automobile accident.
I can't remember which comedian it was who had a whole routine about assholes who want to be "Thrown Free" in the event of an accident...Carlin? Not Bill Hicks...anyhoo, the point of it is that the only real "exit" from a moving car is the exhaust pipe, so if that's how you want to be leaving the car, be my guest...

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Drum dorks are going to be into this collection of Essential Drum Kits.
Particularly ZZ Top's Frankly Ridiculous Tama Kit: "How deep are those toms? Now you can see why the Rainforest is vanishing."

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Henry Rollins' e-bay profile:
Seems as though he buys primarily rare vinyl and indie 7" singles...whooda thunkit?

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Any other Blogger users terrified of the Yellow Error Message Of Incorrect Formatting Doom?

Gaah! What did I do? Where? I only have like 700 links on this page?
Which one did I screw up? Please tell me, oh great omniscient blogger!!!

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Thanks David
Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Rob
Thanks Andy
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0

DataWhat Minister of Defense Raab Thinkston is part of a benefit for the Tsunami Victims

"If you haven't been paying attention, you are either a hermit or a piece of cloth.
And if you're a piece of cloth, please email me. I'd like to talk to you."

Click here for most information.

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The body of water formerly known as "Beavis Lake" is now appearing on maps as Butthead Lake.
Who says the guys at Rand-McNally don't know how to party?

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Bad English Pro-Mac comment, found after ipod lawsuit article:

Yuseff (11:56pm EST Tue Dec 14 2004)
In my country of my home I buy Macintosh for family. Now they being more smarts. When befores this time, they being very dumb and by using PC. Them wanting iPod now and being more smarts by getting this. In this country of maker of Macintosh is believed to be heaven on this earth! Go Macintosh! - by Yuseff

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Does Madge Weinstein really exist?
...and I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man. A lot happier! - Moe Syzlak

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I remember hearing about Concrete TV in High School (I think). It's just this guy with too much time on his hands who takes interesting things he sees on TV and melds them into crazy collages.
Expect to see midgets, women aerobicising, guns being shot off, Britney Spears, car crashes, breakdancing, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, GoGo dancers and guys crashing their bikes.

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Steve brings the eBay Goodness:

This guy is selling some gift cards...or something, but the very Canadian photos are what really makes it.
"the guy sitting peacefully in the back seat of the "driving car" one is my favourite"

And if anyone is looking to hook me up with a present for my Bar Mitzvah, this guy is selling the entire Sub Pop Singles Club collection.
What's that? Luna's 45 of "Everybody's Talking" isn't in there? Fergettit.

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Ever since I turned one of PJ's sweaters into a hand puppet, these are the kinds of labels I need.

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Call me immature, but the Dialect-izer entertains me by showing me what any website would look like if it was spoken in a different dialect.
For instance, if you thought the DataWhat tsunami coverage was hilarious before, you'll love it spoken in the dialect of "Jive" although to be hoonest it sounds more like it is being read by Hermes, the Jamaican guy on Futurama, or maybe the cast of "Cool Runnings"

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Thanks Lee
Thanks Dan
Thanks Steve
Thanks Goody
Thanks David


Comments: 0

Psst: Tsunami.

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Wanna lose a couple hours? Here's a website devoted to found photos

photographs found abandoned on servers or in the street...


oh, and I'll have what this guy's having:


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Believe it or not, this is not joke. the actual #1 song in Germany :
Singles Charts Here
Dance Remix Here
TV show Here
Paul's quote: "I am crying with joy!"
Zac's Quote: "That's retarded...Hard to believe this is from the country once run by Hitler."

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Apparently on New Years Day, a bunch of people sent up their Radio Controlled Airplanes all over the world and took arial photos.
Not quite as funny as a guy in a poncho licking a fluorescent light fixture, but inneresting to me.

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Interesting shot-by-shot comparison between The Matrix and The Ghost in the Shell (Anime movie from a couple years before)


Hmmm... Exploding watermelons? I declare shenanigans!

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The chubby guy who made his own Tron suit now has his own Website
"You can sign up for mailing lists or a web forum to talk about me (sounds really narcisisstic, doesn't it?)"

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Ashlee Simpson Booed offstage at the Orange Bowl.
she thought she'd do a Hoe-Down.

::


it's for you

::

Thanks Lee
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Tosborn


Comments: 0

If you're lookin' for Tsunami, you come to the right place.

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Remember that crazy Japanese matrix ping-pong video? Here's a Pole Vault Version:
Not quite as good, but at least the guy's got fake legs.

::

Q. How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. You Mean You DON'T KNOW!?!?!

::

A review of 2004 proves how wacky the auto industry really is.
Consider:

The much-maligned Pontiac Aztek sport-utility vehicle outsells the high-performance Pontiac GTO. So General Motors adds a higher output V-8 to the GTO for 2005 - and discontinues Aztek.

Jim Farley, head of Toyota's youth-oriented Scion division, says the boxy xB wagon that's uglier than Aztek is his top seller despite almost being vetoed when Toyota executives, shown the prototype, asked: "When do the clowns come out of it?"

The annual Reliability Study by Consumer Reports magazine finds the Buick Regal is more reliable than the Toyota Camry, the industry's top-selling car in 2003. After celebrating for an hour and a half, Buick drops Regal for an all-new LaCrosse for '05.

A national consumer survey finds that 64 percent of motorists demand that their vehicle have a cup holder - to hold the cell phone.

Rather than offering rebates or discount financing, luxury automaker Bentley attracts buyers by making the optional umbrellas standard equipment.

Influential J.D. Power and Associates releases its annual Dependability Study of owner satisfaction after three years. It rates the Chevrolet Prizm, Cadillac Eldorado, Buick Century and Chrysler Concorde among the most dependable in the industry - but fails to note that each has been discontinued.

Based on worldwide production figures, demand for Japanese cars is highest in the United States and Europe, lowest in Japan.

Humiliated after having to rename its exotic GT40 sports car the GT when it found another company owned the original name, Ford tries to save face by calling its 2006 midsize sedan Futura. It switches to Fusion after finding Pep Boys owns the Futura name for its tires.

Chrysler Group's chief executive, Dieter Zetsche, says he knew the 2005 Hemi V-8-powered Chrysler 300C was a hit after rapper Snoop Dogg called his office insisting he had to have one - and then calling his son to learn who Snoop Dogg is.

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I'm actually really into that penguin in the back with the handbag...

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I've only had dreamboats for roommates, but if you think you've lived with the roommate from hell,
you should read this story.
It culminates in such a bizarro David Lynch cinematic freakout it may be entirely false, but man oh man what a ride.

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This kayaker gets a close encounter with a whale.
"Hmm hmmm, nice day for a kayak rideeeOH MY GOD That's a Whale blub blub blub ...blub...I'm OK, I'm OK!"

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks David
Thanks Chris
Thanks Andy
Thanks Perry
Thanks Perfesser


Comments: 0

Updated Tsunami images and videos added tonight.
I'm becoming a little obsessive.

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'Member when you said you wanted a tambourine with Stevie Nicks and a Wolf on it?
'Member?

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Huge Vanity Fair Cover featuring pretty much the entire principal cast of all of the Star Wars movies.
Well, except Lobot.

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Tune your gee-tar harnessing the awesome power of strobe:

As used by Marshall Crenshaw.

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This lady wants to cleanse your colon in her house.
"You don't want your colon cleared? Fine, I'm gon' clear mine."

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This site allows you to make a virtual model of yourself...y'know, to try on clothes and stuff?
Certainly not to make a huge-breasted, nine foot tall, 53 pound bald woman. No no no, who would even think of that?

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Ain't it the truth? Right Fellers?

Uh... fellers?

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The word "Shiznit" now appears in the Wikipedia
Expletive infixation, a form of tmesis seen in profanity such as "Massa-fucking-chusetts" and "unbe-fucking-lievable"
Meaningless epenthetic sounds, such as the "-iz-" or "-izn-" of hip-hop slang (e.g., hizouse for house; shiznit for shit)

::

Thanks Jeremy
Thanks David
Thanks Chris
Thanks Barb
Thanks Donkers
Thanks Dan


Comments: 0