Wednesday, May 31, 2006

He's My Son! 



This woman(?) put together a funny post on why she couldn't marry the men of Lost.

Why I Could Never Marry Michael:

Me to Michael, who is coming in late: Were you at the bar again?

Michael: I had to! He's my son!

Me: We don't have a son. Wait..were you...smoking?

Michael: I had to! He's my son!

Me: Ok, let's just forget it..wait..why is the car all smashed up?

Michael: I had to! He's my son!

Me: Is that lipstick on your collar?

Michael: I had to! He's my son!

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Power!

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New state slogans proposed by Kittenpants.
My favorite: "Voulez vous coucher Arkansas, ce soir?"

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Nice MP3 blog focusing on new stuff and also multiple covers of the same song by different people.
This series of "Girl from the North Country" by everybody and Bob Dylan is pretty interesting.

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Uh...how is Amazon selling frozen food?
Seriously, that is a link to like a $2.99 Swanson frozen chicken meal...how does that work? Do you get that in the mail?

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This teacher freaked out and started wailing on cops shouting "I Am Luke Skywalker!!!"
...and who are we to say he isn't?

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If you want a guided tour of this swinger's club in Dayton, YouTube has it for you.
Worth it just for the guy's shirt and hair alone. And the way he gives explicit instructions not to park at the Church next door is funny. And the fact that they have NTN trivia...hmmm, actually, that sounds fun.

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G4

you've got mail

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Thanks Chris
Thanks K
Thanks Matt
Thanks Collar
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks Darcy
Thanks Derek


Comments: 0
Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A weapon is anything you can hold in your hand 



The original 13 minute Bottle Rocket short film from Wes Anderson, Luke & Owen Wilson. It's real quiet so you gotta crank the volume.
It's weird because they're talking about Starsky & Hutch, and then like 11 years later Owen Wilson was in Starsky & Hutch.

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Another solid trailer re-edit: this time if The Ten Commandments was a teen comedy.
From the people who brought you Must Love Jaws.

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Amstel Inside

Amstel Inside

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Sa-weet video footage of a Nuclear cooling tower being detonated.
Somebody in the viewing audience gets really excited.

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Norah Jones has some kind of fake punk band now...I can't tell if it's a joke or not.
All I know is that in all of the pictures where she's fretting the guitar it looks like she really has to concentrate on what her fingers are doing.

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Maxim magazine celebrated its 100th issue by building a 75-by-110-foot billboard featuring its cover image of Eva Longoria and put it in the Las Vegas desert.
So we can do this and we still can't cure cancer?

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Finnish Gwar-type rock band Lordi have won the beautifully cheesy Eurovision Song Contest. Monster costumes, fake blood and all.
This is actually pretty funny because the usual Eurovision winners are groups like ABBA, Secret Garden and Céline Dion.

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Hulkamaniac

Really bad tattoos

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Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Steve
Thanks Kris
Thanks Miss Mapping


Comments: 0
Friday, May 19, 2006

Check out this junk: 



Some friends of yours and mine have started a fake(ish) gossip website called Junkiness.

Favorites:
This post
about Yakov Smirnoff reveals many things.
3. Numbers can go higher than 5,999.
4. I can’t make my computer turn into a hotdog with my mind.

This post about a restaurant called the Pink Taco offers other sexually suggestive names for businesses.
Come Sit on My Cooch (furniture store)
Balogna Curtains (drape store founded by actor Joseph Balogna)

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This guy drank 70,000 Coors Lights and just left the cans in his apartment.

The Silver Pigsty

Actual story or Coors Light viral marketing?
There is a Video newscast on that site but the player only works in IE
and you need to go through a couple steps to get it to run. a total pain.

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Too hilarious.
This African guy was mistaken for an industry insider, whisked into a television studio and asked his opinion on the whole Apple Music/Apple Computers ruling. The look on his face as they introduce him as the editor of Newswireless.net is absolutely priceless.
Poor guy, he had shown up for an entry-level job interview and got thrown into this live on-air situation. I also think that the interviewer gets notified that he's not the right guy somewhere in the middle because she gets totally flustered all of the sudden and moves to something else.

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Really really choice footage of Sinatra and Jobim gettin' their Bossa Nova on.
Um video maravilhoso e histórico!!!!!! VIVA JOBIM E SINATRA!!

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This page shows you how to use Google's English-to-English translator to get around blocked sites at work. All you need to do is paste this in as the URL: http://www.google.com/translate?langpair=en|en&u=www.datawhat.com (with the last part changed to your favorite pr0n site or whatever) and it should pop into place.
Y'know, if you work in a Communist country.

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Two of my favorites: "Everything's comin' up Millhouse" and "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!" appear in the Onion's article of non-D'OH Simpsons quotes to use in everyday speech.
"Ohhh. I've wasted my life."

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Pictures of the Catholic University Women's Lacrosse Team who were caught getting down with a male stripper.
No nudity, but a beefcake guy in a thong and simulated beejer-ish activity...possibly NSFW.

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The long-lost deleted Luke & Biggs scene from Star Wars has surfaced on YouTube.
See it quick before Rick McCallum takes it down.

...which led to this little Robot Chicken animation of the Emperor getting the phone call that the Death Star was blown up. Hilarious! I never thought about that! How would that have gone down?
Plus, the part where he puts Vader on hold and orders a sandwich is pretty funny too.

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The DVD Screencaptures from Match Point are online at ScarlettJohnansson.org.
Big fan of the pictures in the rain and the pictures on the bed and the other pictures on the bed..

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Incredible Street Paintings

hosepipe

Plus: the guy's name is Beever!

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Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Steve
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks DJC
Thanks Scott
Thanks K


Comments: 0

bisy backson 

funeral.
yard sale.
amg labs.
painting two rooms.

I'll be back soon with funny and boobs.


Comments: 0
Friday, May 12, 2006

"A commanding blend of scoundrel and boob." 

Dave Below found the quote above and thought it was a perfect tagline for .:DataWhat:.

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G. Dub's approval rating percentage has dipped down into the 20s prompting Rob to unearth this album cover which bears a terrifying resemblance of the President and his First Lady:

Dance

Which led me to find this video of Hail To The Chief being performed by hand farts.
which weirded out my dog to no end.

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Cute commercial for the Honda Element featuring a crab.
"I pinch"

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Can somebody call Child Protective Services and look into this kid dancing at a Pistons game please?
Something in that household ain't right.

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Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"

Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money.."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender.
So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:

First , You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot, I won't do it!

You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat tequila?"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soonthe people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says. "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

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Exquisite Dead Guy found this MP3 blog that has all kinds of good stuff on it.
New Pearl Jam too.

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Lost fans: Good analysis of the Hanso Foundation site from this dedicated blogger.
I also screwed around with the SubLYMONal.com site but didn't find anything interesting.

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Classic Caption under this Rock and Roll Hall of Douchebags press photo.
Ha! Brake Plant!

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How To Tell If You Bird Flu Has Hit Your Area:

dead boids

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Joyce
Thanks David
Thanks Rob
Thanks Earl
Thanks Lee
Thanks Matt
Thanks Rachel


Comments: 0
Monday, May 08, 2006

Drrrty 


wash me

Very nice artwork painted in the dirt on the side of this van.

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This guy learned how to sing Stairway to Heaven backwards and here is video of him singing it backwards backwards, so it sounds forward.
Well...forward in that weird Black Lodge kind of way.

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Really hot footage of The Pretenders in 1980 before everybody started dying.
They do "Precious' and "The Adultress."

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KrupsJustSayin is a blog after my own heart.
Some funny, some political, some punk rock...hits me just right.

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Uh, this squirt gun that shoots streams of thick white goo is pretty unsettling.
And the fact that these pubescent boys are really into pumping it and getting splooged is equally disturbing.

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Super dork alert!!! The characters of Battlestar Galactica drawn like The Simpsons.
Now lets write some Battlestar/Simpsons fanfic! And read Manga! And pretend we're Japanese! And do other geeky things that I don't even know exist!

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PinkIsTheNewBlog points out how weird and droopy Jessica Simpson's boob is.

pencil test

That really bums me out me for some reason...
I always imagined her having really nice boobs.

Imagine how her creepy dad feels!

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Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Trent
Thanks Sam
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks KrupsJustSayin


Comments: 0
Saturday, May 06, 2006

Buy It Again, For The Last Time 



Nerd Overload!

They're re-...no ...Finally... no...Well, the Original Trilogy is coming out on DVD, although it is strangely considered to be "Supplemental Material" to go along with a re-re-rerelease of the Special Edition versions.

I just have this image of that announcer guy's voice intoning Buy It Again, For The Last Time

This site has a pretty good listing of the changes that Episode IV has undergone in its history, making a pretty convincing argument that the majority of the changes are improvements.

Also, Hasbro is issuing a George Lucas action figure.

Aren't you a little beardy for a stormtrooper?
mmmmm...no thanks.

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Good terrible list of Harry Potter Fanfics We'd Rather Not See:

Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this Fanfic
Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
Harry Potter and the E Street Band
Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

I totally lifted this from BoingBoing

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Phillips & Norelco invite you to Shave Everywhere.
The Test Drive is particularly bold for a major corporation to intimate...and intimate they do!

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From Wired: (the last paragraph is particularly amusing)

According to Billboard, Bearshare has folded its hand after being raised $30 million in piracy settlement by the RIAA, which gained the authority to go after file sharing firms after last year's momentous MGM v. Grokster decision. (The court found that P2P companies could be held liable for piracy taking place on their networks.)

Following the announcement, all file-sharing activity halted immediately as music fans worldwide emptied their bank accounts in order to purchase DRM-ed replacements for all of the music they'd downloaded from P2P services over the past few years. Every record executive was given a pony of his or her own.

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More cute Sco-Jo pictures including this one that I enjoy for some reason.
Must be the stroller.

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Oh, poor Tom Cruise. For some reason his Auditors let him on BET where he was asked to imitate a hip-hop dance that is popular with the kids nowadays.
In this case I feel sorry for the guy..he's on TV and in front of a whole bunch of people, a rap song comes on and the host says "Hey Tom, in front of all of these peopel and the television audience, do this goofy dance!" What's the guy supposed to do? None of these people are Scientologists, some of them are even Negros... he is totally out of his element. The only real way out of this predicament would have been if he stripped down to his tidy whities, got a white button-down shirt, and had someone magically throw him a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarers and do the Risky Business sock-slide. Anything less was going to end in disaster.

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Clever little pizza box that folds into a coffin for your pizza bones (what we call the uneaten crusts at Johnsonia).

pizza bones

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Thanks Andy
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Cammila
Thanks BoingBoing


Comments: 0
Wednesday, May 03, 2006

1-877-HANSORG 



The folks at Improv Everywhere have done it again.

More like Worst Buy

This time they've all dressed up in blue polo shirts and infiltrated a Best Buy.
The video set to BTO's "Workin' For the Weekend" is killer.

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Napster is back, and in free form. I goofed around with it, and it's got some stuff going for it.

Registry is free and easy ...none of that give an e-mail address, then they send an e-mail to that account, then you log in with a password that they give you etc etc...you just make up a name and a password, and you're logged in.

The songs are streamed, not downloaded, so you don't get to keep 'em, but you can check out all kinds of new stuff.

You can listen to any song in their catalog five times.

The sound quality is pretty poor...the songs must be streamed at a really low bitrate.

The search function is a little off..If you look up "Iron & Wine" nothing comes up, but if you look up "Iron And Wine" it displays the name "Iron & Wine"...go figure.

The whole deal is free (if you don't count ads) and gives you the option of paying the service (better quality audio and you get to download the songs) for $10 a month.

So overall, it doesn't really replace the iTunes Music Store, but (much like MySpace) it'll be a good place to hit when you hear about a cool new band but aren't sure if you want to lay down the cash for a whole album yet.

A couple good overviews at TechSource, Slashdot, ArsTechnica, and MetaFilter

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Superman made an appearance in this U of M classroom recently.
These were the same guys that dressed up as Pac Man and ran around the Library a couple weeks ago. More video hi-jinks here:

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A choice collection of The Babes of Buck Rogers including the svelte Erin Gray and a surprising appearance by Dorothy Stratton.
Before Eric Roberts killed her in Star 80.
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Equally fun: The Sloganizer
Awesome Slogan!
You put in any word and it will create a slogan for you.

I recommend using the following childish words and phrases:
Dog Farts
Anal Sex
Sponge
Nipple
Scrunty
George W. Bush

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Comedian Steven Wright's biography:

"I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end."

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Here is video of a guy who likes to re-enact whole scenes from movies (using only himself): The Princess Bride and Uncle Buck.
I would make fun of this guy for being such a toolbag, but both his John Candy and his Wallace Shawn impressions are pretty spot-on.

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The Slashdot redesign is underway.
Some good, some not so good...anything is an improvement.

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The Potty at the End of the Rainbow

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Steve
Thanks Jim
Thanks Whatevs.org


Comments: 0
Monday, May 01, 2006

Base of Operations: Guitar Center 



Talk of the town is Stephen Colbert's ass whuppin' at the White House Press Corps dinner. Transcripts, videos and possibly bobblehead dolls or Colbert pennants available here.
"Now, I know there's some polls out there saying this man has a 32 percent approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias."

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The first annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Competition
in which MySpace rubes are compared to Marvel super heroes.

ug

Also: Don't miss the Second Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Competition
in which MySpace rubes are compared to DC super heroes.

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ZOMG! Battlestar Galactica Prequel TV series in the works!

Interior: SciFi Channel Boardroom

Head Cheese: Team, all of our shows except for BStarG suck. What should we do?
Jenkins, meekly in the corner: Uh....We could...uh... make more Battlestar Galactica shows(?)
Head Cheese: Jenkins, you're now in charge of the company. I'm going to Aruba.

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Neil Young's new album co-written with Stephen Colbert is now streaming on his website.
Everybody's Rockin.

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Man oh man...check out how far out of the water this shark gets when going after this dolphin. WHOOSH!
In related news, check out how far out of the water this shark gets when going after this helicopter. SPLOOGE!!

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Grinworthy collection of clips of Vin Diesel saying the same things over and over again on a bunch of talk shows.
He is really good at memorizing his lines.

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YouTube commercial for Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos action figures from 1986.
"Location: Tibet -- Assignment: Recover stolen microchip!"

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More like the Science un-Fair. Scarifying results of microwaved water on houseplants.
Although there may be hoaxery involved. Any time somebody says "My granddaughter did this at her sixth grade science fair and now she has proven some world-shattering phenomenon" I get nervous.

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Cute pics of Sco-Jo with brown hair

brown

Bonus cute shot of Scarlett in Chuck Taylors from here

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Thanks Waxy
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Break.com


Comments: 0

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