Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Dadid says: Dub It Up!
Spend hours making cool dub tracks by clicking on spiders, hearts and victrolas.
Can be used with Dave Chappelle's Lil' Jon Soundboard.
"What? What? Oh Kay!"
Apparently Jewel is now Crazy.
A funny series of outgoing Answering Machine Messages.
"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you."
Kristin Von Bernthal will be doin' a mostly-solo, semi-acoustic performance this Friday, May 28th at Xhedos Cafe in fabulous Ferndale at 9:30.
With Adam Druckman, Priscilla Ederle, and Alex Lumelsky
Xhedos: Downtown Ferndale west of Woodward, north side of 9 Mile. Parking & entrance in rear.
Signs you may have been drinking too much
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?
9. Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
13. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
14. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
15. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
16. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
17. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in.
18. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
19. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
20. Roseanne looks good.
21. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
22. That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.
23. Senator's Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
24."I'm as jober as a sudge."
25. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
Voltron is the New America.
Earl sends us Trojan Commercials from the UK.
Click on "Video Highlights"
Possibly NSFW depending on where you work.
It's Not Science and it's not Fair.