Thursday, October 07, 2004
Romanian mistakenly cuts off penis, dog eats it.
Can't fool me, this dude is into weird shit.
Reminds me of all the stories of guys who come into the emergency room with foreign objects lodged in their rectum (Rectum? I nearly killed 'em!)
Great movie that cuts together all of the keywords from the Republican National Convention like September 11th, September 11th, September 11th, September 11th.
Also popular: "Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists."
Love with The Zombies at the Royal Oak Music Theater this Sunday.
The Donk's Mom brings the funny:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Miss Earth 2004 Pageant:
October 5 Luna Update
We’ve received a lot of kind emails, people asking why the will be going into retirement next year. Of course with a decision like this, the reasons are multifold. Here are ten explanations I have been giving to journalists:
1. Rock and Roll is killing my life.
2. The Universe is Expanding.
3. There are too many bands out there, travelling around, singing their songs etc.
4. Too much time spent in 15-passenger vans. According to 20/20, these things flip over.
5. Too many hands to shake, that means germs.
6. Too many dinners at Wendy's.
7. People are dying in Iraq.
8. This is what bands do (with a few exceptions, like R.E.M. and Metallica, and the Rolling Stones).
Those bands, however, are multibillion dollar corporations.
You don’t break that up unless the government forces you to.
9. Hotel Electravision.
10. Time to Quit.
- Dean Wareham
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