Wednesday, October 27, 2004
sorry, that was some spam I just got.
Speaking of Spam, this guy replies to all of the spam he gets.
With Hilarious Results!
VINTAGE AIR GUITAR,
excellant condition, any colour
Republicans urging minorities to get out and vote on Wednesday, Nov. 3.
Oh how The Onion knows the funny.
Do You See A Pattern Here?
* Richard Gephardt: Air National Guard, 1965-71.
* David Bonior: Staff Sgt., Air Force 1968-72.
* Tom Daschle: 1st Lt., Air Force SAC 1969-72.
* Al Gore: enlisted Aug. 1969; sent to Vietnam Jan. 1971 as an army journalist in 20th Engineer Brigade.
* Bob Kerrey: Lt. j.g. Navy 1966-69; Medal of Honor, Vietnam.
* Daniel Inouye: Army 1943-47; Medal of Honor, WWII.
* John Kerry: Lt., Navy 1966-70; Silver Star, Bronze Star with Combat V, Purple Hearts.
* Charles Rangel: Staff Sgt., Army 1948-52; Bronze Star, Korea.
* Max Cleland: Captain, Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, Vietnam.
* Ted Kennedy: Army, 1951-53.
* Tom Harkin: Lt., Navy, 1962-67; Naval Reserve, 1968-74.
* Jack Reed: Army Ranger, 1971-1979; Captain, Army Reserve 1979-91.
* Fritz Hollings: Army officer in WWII; Bronze Star and seven campaign ribbons.
* Leonard Boswell: Lt. Col., Army 1956-76; Vietnam, DFCs, Bronze Stars, and Soldier's Medal.
* Pete Peterson: Air Force Captain, POW. Purple Heart, Silver Star and Legion of Merit.
* Mike Thompson: Staff sergeant, 173rd Airborne, Purple Heart.
* Bill McBride: Candidate for Fla. Governor. Marine in Vietnam; Bronze Star with Combat V.
* Gray Davis: Army Captain in Vietnam, Bronze Star.
* Pete Stark: Air Force 1955-57
* Chuck Robb: Vietnam
* Howell Heflin: Silver Star
* George McGovern: Silver Star & DFC during WWII.
* Bill Clinton: Did not serve. Student deferments. Entered draft but received #311.
* Jimmy Carter: Seven years in the Navy.
* Walter Mondale: Army 1951-1953
* John Glenn: WWII and Korea; six DFCs and Air Medal with 18 Clusters.
* Tom Lantos: Served in Hungarian underground in WWII. Saved by Raoul Wallenberg.
* Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage.
* Dennis Hastert: did not serve.
* Tom Delay: did not serve.
* Roy Blunt: did not serve.
* Bill Frist: did not serve.
* Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
* Rick Santorum: did not serve.
* Trent Lott: did not serve.
* John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business.
* Jeb Bush: did not serve.
* Karl Rove: did not serve.
* Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. "Bad knee." The man who attacked Max Cleland's patriotism.
* Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve.
* Vin Weber: did not serve.
* Richard Perle: did not serve.
* Douglas Feith: did not serve.
* Eliot Abrams: did not serve
* Richard Shelby: did not serve.
* Jon! Kyl: did not serve.
* Tim Hutchison: did not serve.
* Christopher Cox: did not serve.
* Newt Gingrich: did not serve.
* Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as flight instructor.
* George W. Bush: failed to complete his six-year National Guard;
got assigned to Alabama so he could campaign for family friend running for U.S. Senate;
failed to show up for required medical exam,
disappeared from duty.
* Ronald Reagan: due to poor eyesight, served in a non-combat role making movies.
* B-1 Bob Dornan: Consciously enlisted after fighting was over in Korea.
* Phil Gramm: did not serve.
* John McCain: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross.
* Dana Rohrabacher: did not serve.
* John M. McHugh: did not serve.
* JC Watts: did not serve.
* Jack Kemp: did not serve. "Knee problem," although continued in NFL for 8 years.
* Dan Quayle: Journalism unit of the Indiana National Guard.
* Rudy Giuliani: did not serve.
* George Pataki: did not serve.
* Spencer Abraham: did not serve.
* John Engler: did not serve.
* Lindsey Graham: National Guard lawyer.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger: AWOL from Austrian army base.
Pundits & Preachers
* Sean Hannity: did not serve.
* Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.')
* Bill O'Reilly: did not serve.
* Michael Savage: did not serve.
* George Will: did not serve.
* Chris Matthews: did not serve.
* Paul Gigot: did not serve.
* Bill Bennett: did not serve.
* Pat Buchanan: did not serve.
* John Wayne: did not serve.
* Bill Kristol: did not serve.
* Kenneth Starr: did not serve.
* Antonin Scalia: did not serve.
* Clarence Thomas: did not serve.
* Ralph Reed: did not serve.
* Michael Medved: did not serve.
* Charlie Daniels: did not serve.
* Ted Nugent: did not serve. (He only shoots at things that don't shoot back.)
Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 2004
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson chimes in on the election.
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."
Great Van Halen commentary from the guy in The Supersuckers:
Election words from Eddie Spaghetti
That's right, it's down to the nitty gritty. I know that many of
you think that my emails should consist strictly of liquor, women,
drugs and killing, rock-n-roll, outlaw country and the occasional
joke or two and to you, I apologize. Feel free to bury your head in
the sand once more and delete this missive now because I am here to
use my (very nominal) influence to tell our fans to please get out
and vote for a change this Tuesday.
To my republican friends (and I hope you are still my friends if
you've made it this far into my email) I have this rock-n-roll
analogy for you:
Let's say that the Republican Party is Van Halen and (for the sake
of argument we will time travel quite a bit) Abraham Lincoln is the
David Lee Roth of Republicans. An ass kicking, slave-freeing,
minimize-the-government-in-our-lives bad ass. The glory years. Then
let's say that Sammy Hagar is the Ronald Reagan character, he totally
lost the die-hards, but for some reason Van Halen had never been more
popular. Hit after hit. The Van Halen machine makes more money than
anyone thought possible! Next, sadly, it's time to enter that guy
from Extreme, Gary Cherone. Here is our G.W. Bush. Even the most
dyed-in-the-wool Van Halen fans have to admit, this was one bad
idea, it didn't work and, thankfully we only had to put up with one
record from this version of the Republican Par..., uh, I mean... Van
Halen. Gary made Van Halen so bad that Sammy Hagar returning actually
seems to be a GOOD idea!
So there you go, even Republicans have to admit that G.W. has
totally "Gary Cheroned" this Presidency, don't you think? I thought
this would help clear things up for you. Now get out there and buy
one of those "Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this
change. Sure Kerry's no Diamond Dave either, but who is anymore? It's
not like Van Halen's gonna ask ME to sing for 'em...
Eddie "One more week until I can stop being obsessed with this election" Spaghetti.
Hey, will one of you bishops tell Porchsleeper to shut the fuck up?
I can hear 'em from here.