Wednesday, November 17, 2004
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx
We're getting a puppy. She looks like this:
We are also searching for a name.
She's a Bitch (man I never get tired of that), she's a Boston Terrier.
These are things that could factor into the name, but don't necessarily have to.
You could throw suggestions into the comments at the bottom.
Already Rejected Names:
Colonel Winston Tonguelickington!
P.I.T.A. (short for Pain In The Ass)
"Bob" Ghengis Khan
Hunters soon may be able to sit at their computers and blast away at animals via the Internet.
"what the world really needs is a website that will shoot me now." -- Mike Schiller
Is there a kid on your block that you don't like? Check out: 2004's Most Dangerous Toys:
Age Recommendation: "6+"
Warnings: "WARNING! Do not aim at eyes or face"
"Children are encouraged to 'experience the futuristic world of cyber adventure!' with the MegaBuster cannon and cyber sword," WATCH says. "The rigid, plastic blade extends approximately 9 ¼ inches from a plastic sleeve, designed to slide onto a child's arm for 'combat.'"
Regarding the Scarlett Johannson photos from yesterday:
"If only she would understand how well I would treat her..."
- Signed, anonymous concerned DataWhat staff member
PS: if you don't not want to not see her standing next to Spongebob Squarepants, don't not click here:
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Virgin Mary in Grilled Cheese Sammich for sale on eBay
must be Swiss cheese 'cause it's holy.
Thanks Bob "Lava" Moulton
Thanks Mike "Thriller" Schiller