Thursday, March 17, 2005

A Fine-Toothed Nail 

Holy Kee-riced. I know I put a lot of junk on this blog, and if you're anything like me, you just sort of gloss over and hit one or two things...but brother, you gotta check out this online coloring book.

they just get better after that.


This guy has made a interactive flash model of his cubicle.
Zoom in on his rearview mirror and watch: Eventually the mailroom guy comes around dressed as a Mexican wrestler.
Durst! (sorry Grambo, but that's the only word that fits...) I just realized this is a viral ad for Hostway Web Hosting Company...ah well, stll entertaining.


Top Things That Brought People to DataWhat

"a taco that craps ice cream"       2 hits!
"chris true" and "paramedic"       2 hits!?!
michelle vorase       3 hits!
benjamin orr younger than ric ocasek
gretchen wilson nip slip
danica mckellar geek week
lightning bolt lightning bolt spa
"sara hall" ypsilanti
puma shoes commercial deer
punctuation in jacoby's text
lil porkys

yeah...yeah, I dunno either...

Remember the moshing/skanking girl?

She's back.


Tim handed me a copy of the Great Lakes Myth Society record. It is Phenomenal.
Now go to their message board and fill it up with crazy things.
Just anything. Make shit up.




Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

In closing: Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been he invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan
Zac Johnson



I dunno where JustJared gets his scoops, but he certainly gets 'em.
heh heh, two scoops.


Thanks Earl
Thanks Dadid
Thanks JustJared
Thanks Horkulated

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