Thursday, March 03, 2005

Lick It Up 

Remember how Superman was a dick? Well, Batman's really into boners:



Totally fucking crazy spam? OK!

-----Original Message-----
From: Alphabetic H. Freethinker
Sent: Thursday, March 03, 2005 4:14 PM
To: Zacjoh
Subject: Surprise surprise!

Good evening.
De ballen

Better do a good deed near at home than go far away to burn incense.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Whenever nature leaves a hole in a person's mind, she generally plasters it over with a thick coat of self-conceit.
Fear can be headier than whiskey, once man has acquired a taste for it.

I only drink to make other people seem more interesting.
I don't think anybody should write his autobiography until after he's dead.

Gracious to all, to none subservient, Without offense he spoke the word he meant.


There's this one kid with the awesome superhero name of David Elsewhere and he's really good at doing The Robot and now here's a movie of him.
Reminds me of that cola commercial where that dude dances all rubbery in the street, but without the help of computers.



1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up";
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff"
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again"
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, and can't find one...


Dave Below and I got in a huge fistfight today over whether Kiss' "Lick It Up" really really sucks or not. I won.
Read for yourself.


Do you think when The Cars recorded the song "Hello Again" (the one that starts out with the very affected "Hhhhhelllo. Hhhhhello again" lyric), they just came into the studio one morning to see a frazzled-looking Mutt Lange hovering over the console? And then he says "Hey guys, I finally came up with an intro for the song! I just overdubbed my own voice saying 'Hello. Hello again' and then put some effects on it!" and maybe Benjamin Orr said "Uh, cool man but, well... you're not actually in the band and it's kinda weird to have the producer sing on the album..." and then Mutt hissed like an opossum protecting her young and Ric Ocasek said "Ok, well, it's cool man, uh...let's leave it in."

That intro is so incongruous with the rest of the album it just sounds like a totally different band...or like Shania Twain...


Monday, April 4th
Blind Pig
$15 Cover. 18+
Doors 8:00 p.m.


Bringin' it, on the LCD tip: Farts Are Awesome!!!
I challenge you to only pull that finger once.


Icy Mike
Crazy icy


Chic-ago Sara Hall hipped me to Yahoo's 10th Anniversary Netrospective
HotOrNot, Howard Dean, Napster, Google, Firefox, The Peter Pan guy, "I Kiss You" Mahir... this reads like my diary over the last 10 years...


Thanks Lee
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Dan
Thanks Earl
Thanks Steve
Thanks Sara
Thanks Matt

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