Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Some things make me think there are still smart people in the world. McSweeny's is one of those things.
Here is an open letter to Dick Cheney.
Let me express my condolences for the loss of your chief of staff, Lewis "Scooter" Libby. With all true Americans, I recognize the valuable service Mr. Libby performed for you and the country, particularly the oil companies, over the past five years, and the key role he played in helping to create the democratic paradise of today's Iraq. Certainly history will smile upon his contributions and gloss over the baseless charges brought against him by political partisans. (Perjury? Come on! It's not like the guy got a blowjob ...)
In the meantime, obviously, you will be in need of a new chief of staff, so let me get right to the point: I'm your man.
My qualifications are as follows:
1. I am pure evil. I can provide letters of reference from former girlfriends, as well as from my previous landlord, to attest to this fact.
It obvi-lariously continues after that.
Did you say you wanted to see a guy from the '80s combining skateboarding and the fruitiness of ice dancing? Really? Huh. 'Cause I coulda swore you did.
Some banner ads may be NSFW,unless you REALLY want to find a Lady Friend for sex in the Chicago area, in which case this may be the perfect site for you.
This Trek nerd badly Photoshops celebrities to look like Orion Slave girls (meaning he takes Maxim and Stuff photo shoots and applies the Green filter to them).
Dork-tacular that Charisma Carpenter is among the first ones he put into Orion Green slavery.
Whoa! If you paste this phrase: Trek nerd badly Photoshops celebrities to look like into Firefox's address bar, you get this page about Watermelon Mishaps.
The world is a disturbing place.
So I was looking at these photos of Evangeline Lilly kissing Dominic Monaghan and I accidentally blurted out "Whoa! I didn't know Charlie was going out with anybody from Lost, let alone The Good One" which prompted PJ to ask first: "The Good One, huh?" and then go into this awesome dissertation on how Kate always makes this totally goofy "Krinkly Face" like she's concerned and skeptical at the same time, and if you watch Lost, you'll totally be laughing right now, because that's totally true...she's always like "Oh really Sawyer/Jack/Claire? I feel your pain but am also a complex human being with my own twists and turns, but here is a face that shows confusion and empathy."
Best girl around. ...The one I'm married to, not "The Good One"
Again: WHOA! Old skool footage of Rodney Mullen, by far my favorite skater of all time. Yeah, that's right, get that air, Christian Hosoi, spin in circles Tony Hawk, do that cool new thing, new guy who isn't from 1985, you will never be able to touch Rodney Mullen who freestyled like a renaissance painter whose palate was making you say "Oh My God! He did NOT just do that!"
Bros: Powell Peralta 4evar
Got Weed? Denver says Too Cool, Man!
Sweetheart, pack the bags.
Anybody I know who shows up to this Grand Rapids 'Sleeper gig gets free beer all night.
I'm not even fucking kidding.
Uh... members of my own band not included.
Thanks as always Exquisite Dead Guy