.:DataWhat?:.

Three of the Time Vampires (sites that just suck all of the time away and all of the sudden you're like "Holy Shittake, how is it 3 in the morning already?") that I've been recently attacked by are:

TextsFromLastNight.com



This site asks users to input text messages that they've gotten. They are startlingly funny.

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(614): I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.

(650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

You can also search by your area code and look for people you know:

(734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

(734): hey call me
(810): can't. in the shower.
(734): ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.

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FMyLife.com



The F. in F.M.L. Stands for F*** My Life and it is usually folks just telling short terrible stories about junk that happened to them.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

Today, I got a letter from Princeton that said i got accepted. I jumped for joy screaming at the top of my lungs. My little brother walks in laughing with his camcorder on record. He played a joke on me and gave me the real letter. I was denied. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

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TweetingTooHard.com



These folks harvest all of the most self-important Twits(?) Tweets(?) Twattles(?) they can find.

Went to the gym this morning. As I left, everyone said I was the best! @serafinowicz

@wildbill I don't get it either. Who pushes out more interesting links AND interacts more than me on Twitter? @guykawasaki

At the W. I don't think this Viognier is going to work well with the foie gras I just ordered. @eston

I have 53 more pages to read on The Swiss Courier galleys. The book is hard to put down ... even when I wrote it! @triciagoyer

OMG i was saying how i couldn't afford the gas to fly daddy's jet to the riviera this summer, and this barista totally rolled her eyes at me @babesmcphee

::

Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Andy

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