Tuesday, January 29, 2008

He's on the 10 

Drunk History:

One guy drinks a bottle of scotch and discusses Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton's famous duel.

starring Michael Cera

Another guy drinks eight vodka cranberries and discusses Benjamin Franklin

starring Jack Black


Thanks Mary

Comments: 0
Saturday, January 26, 2008

Degas Twitter LOL 

This clever guy who has too much time on his hands has put together a series of images called Understanding Art For Geeks which is groan-worthy and hilarious. LOL!

Degas Twitter


Also rife with hilarity, FatalFarm has re-engineered a bunch of TV Show Intros.

Worth it:
The probably NSFW Alf Theme Song featuring girls on the toilet.

Doogie Howser M.D. featuring a recurring cast member I hadn't seen before.

Baywatch including even more candy.

The decidedly NSFW Zoobilee Zoo which takes a turn even more disturbing than the show itself.

and a semi-funny Facts of Life remake where Holy Crap mrs. G is reading a book written by yours truly:

Jeffrey Max?


Pretty hilarimous parody with the Audio from Full Metal Jacket and some old classroom footage from the 50s.
"Did your parents have any children that lived?"


So there are reportedly 15 previously unreleased Beatles recordings that are being released.

The quality may be dubious, and if it truly is "the very first time Ringo Starr took the stage as one of the Fab Four" I can only imagine that the performance is interesting (but maybe not transcendant), but my question is: Who the hell is Fuego Entertainment and how did they obtain the rights to this release this performance? And why is "Comparison" misspelled so prominently in this graphic?

Either way I signed up to see what it's all about, so I'll report back.




Thanks Cav
Thanks Dan
Thanks David

Comments: 0
Thursday, January 24, 2008

GoddammitBabyYouKnowIAin'tLyin'ToYa I'mOnlyGonnaTellYouOneTiiiiiimeAhhYEAH! 

Greatest thing of the day/evar:

Isolated David Lee Roth vocals from 'Running With the Devil'




To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza

Date: 2007-09-18, 11:30AM EDT

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

Location: The One By Jimmy-Johns
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Here Be Pirates


Heres a movie called Never Back Down (which apparently used to be titles "Get Some"...Thank you Ms. Block) which is about a dark-haired kid who moves to a beach town only to be bested in the martial arts by a rich blonde jock who's a real prick. To win the love of the cute blonde girl, the kid needs to enlist the help of an older (ethnic) martial arts guru to eventually beat the rich kid (from the rival school I'm sure) in a martial arts competition.
I think this movie sounds great. Oh wait, it already liked this movie in 1984 when it was called The Karate Kid.


Don't scroll, don't read the page, just click the link and look at
nothing but the video box and just -wait- for it.

I know, right? Just when it couldn't get dorkier? POW! There it is!


Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Brian

Comments: 0
Wednesday, January 23, 2008

It's true 

everything poops


Thanks Dave(?)

Comments: 0
Friday, January 18, 2008

"I need to check my stats" 

Watching all of the 170 hours of additional information on the Blade Runner 5-Disc boxed set (thanks darlin'), I can't help but think that Guillermo Del Toro sounds a lot like Eduardo from Foster's Home for Imaginary friends.

It might just be me...

Comments: 0
Thursday, January 17, 2008

Semper Fi 

New favorite thing: Albums That Don't Exist

1 - Go to Wikipedia's random article page - The first article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to the Random Quotations page - The last four words of the last quote is the album title.

3 - Go to Flickr's Interesting photo page - Third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover.

Put it all together to make your album. Either crop it to CD cover size, or just use the raw image itself... the only rule is you're only allowed to add the album title and artist title.

My entry:


More here:


Craigslist: Fart Man seeks Fart Woman.
Serious inquiries only (obviously).


Iron Man and The Dark Knight trailers.
Iron Man looks Super! I can't tell though if The Dark Knight takes after the Frank Miller comics or not. Anyone? Anyone?


Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Dan
Thanks Derek

Comments: 0
Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I ordered french fries with my haunted hamburger 

Uncle Jesse?

more here


Thanks Rob

Comments: 0
Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Oh yeah, I have a blog 

Charts and Graphs for Rap Lyrics



Drugs are not the only problem with this apartment.


Magic Mouth from SNL.
Solves your flatulence problem. "It's like having a professor up your butt."


David Lynch bitching about the iPhone


The rules for pooping at work

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER -- A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite gender. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your gender entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON -- A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


Why men should not take phone messages:



The 25 Most Ridiculous Band Names in Rock History

#20. Smashing Pumpkins

According to a November 1993 Washington Post interview with bass player D'arcy Wretzky, even the band thinks Smashing Pumpkins "is a stupid name, a dumb bad joke and a bad idea," which should tell you something. These days, they claim the name doesn't even have anything to do with pummeling squash fruit, in that "smashing" was meant to imply "great" (as in the British slang), like that somehow makes it less stupid. It'd be like accidentally crapping yourself on a bus, then telling everyone it's okay, because you meant to: Nobody cares why you did it, Shitty Pants.

#21. Matchbox 20

Explanations range from the name being the title of a song from an earlier band to the band's drummer seeing the word "matchbox" and the number 20 on a guy's shirt in a restaurant. Either way, shut the fuck up, Rob Thomas.


James Brown teaches you how to dance.


355 Classic TV intros
Including teh awesome Square Pegs


Space is the place


Thanks Steve
Thanks David

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