Monday, November 01, 2004

I revolt to your structure! 



A Saudi newspaper is reporting that they discovered an Ancient Coin from an ancient civilization that flourished in Al-Jouf with an inscription that could not be translated.
Funny, 'cause when I look at the photo, it looks like it says Puerto Rico on it...



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...
    I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who get off their ass to search the entire room for the remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it?
   Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
   If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?


Here are some saucy photos of Melissa Joan Hart in a Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit.
It's for some kind of benefit, but really, we all benefit from it.


As I'm sure you've heard, there's a trend that when the Redskins win the final home game before the election, the incumbent wins, and when the Redskins lose the final home game, the challenger wins.

Well, this year, with 2 minutes left, the Redskins scored a touchdown that - with the extra point - would have won them the game. But because of a bogus penalty call from a bad ref, the TD was called back, and so the Redskins lost.
I guess that means Bush will put the ball over the goal line, but Kerry will win it in court.



1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you've opened for.
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important."
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music
    ("Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk ... don't do it.
10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal."
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13. Never name a song after your band. Never name your band after a song.
14. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer ... IMMEDIATELY!!!
15. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
16. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera," "white rapper," "blues jam," "swing band," "open mic," etc.
17. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
18. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game ... they've gotta stop coming to your shows.
19. It's not a showcase ... it's a gig that doesn't pay.
20. No one cares that you have a web site.
21. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
22. Don't hire a publicist.
23. Playing in San Marcos & Alpine doesn't mean you're on tour.
24. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs; in fact, don't join a cover band.
25. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
26. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up ... that's what girlfriends are for.
27. If you use a smoke machine -- your music sucks.
28. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
29. Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
30. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
31. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
32. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
33. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
34. Rock oxymorons; "major label interest," "demo deal," " blues genius," "$500 guarantee," and "Fastball's second hit."
35. 3 things that are never coming back: a) gongs, b) headbands, and c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.


high life
Doesn't it look like John Kerry has never held a beer in his life?


Great little ad about why this mom is not voting for Bush.


Pez USB Memory Sticks.


Thanks Donkers
Thanks David
Thanks Jennifer
Thanks Matthew Spring
Thanks PJ

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