Wednesday, March 29, 2006

"Borrowed" WiFi = Airport Bloggin' 


haxxor

WWII code-breaking Enigma Machine for sale on eBay

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Play Nintendo-esque Basketball against Built to Spill's Doug Martsch and hear a new BTS song (which rocks by the way).
"Your ass will be suficiently kicked."

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Good News Everyone! Charisma Carpenter wants to play Wonder Woman!
Equally good news! Photos of her in a bikini!

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This video teaches us something worthwhile: Big dumb rock needs big dumb videos.
"I beleive a D.L. Rothenstein or some such person won a Nobel prize for his compelling work on this theory." - Professor Below

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Chris Christmas Rodriguez? I have no idea, but the first video/commercial is totally worth watching.
I have seen (and I believe posted) just the little gif of him arriving at the dinner table. I seem remember the poindexter in the argyle sweater saying "Pwnt" at that point.

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Pink Floyd's Publius_Enigma: The Publius Enigma is a puzzle connected with Pink Floyd's 1994 album The Division Bell.
Although still unsolved, it was perhaps the first Internet-based promotion for a major band, coming at a time before most artists or record labels had any kind of official Internet presence.

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Bill Hicks' infamous "I'm a Dumb C*nt" performance available on Google Video.
If you're not a fan already this isn't the show to start with.
But as a fan it was great to see how he handles a bad night.

::

drop
Font dorks and peaceniks only

::


Thanks Goody
Thanks Metafilter
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Waxy.org


Comments: 1
Monday, March 27, 2006

Rnaapp 


Operation Rembrandt

Photoshop contest where they take famous paintings and superimpose new technology in.

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Sco-Jo named FHM's Sexiest Woman of 2006.
Well, duh,

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Buncha good bloopers from news broadcasts and such.
Stuff falling on people, weather-screen mishaps and the like.

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Just so you know, Squirrels R Forever.
4. Ever.

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The entirety of the movie Scarface with everything except the F-words chopped out.
It's a really long clip too...there's alot of swears in there.

::

look out

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Pretty handy webpage: WhatIsThatFile.com allows you to type in the name of any suspicious file you see in your System Processes file and it'll tell you if it's good or bad.
rnaapp is OK. Just so you know.

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Postcards of Superheroes on the toilet.
I don't really understand the Wonder Woman one, but the rest of 'em are good.

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Newsweek article about putting the "We"in the Web.
Flickr, MySpace, YouTube...all sorts of words pushed together and spelled wrong.

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The complete ridiculously overdone alley fight from the movie 'They Live'
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum." - Rowdy Roddy Piper

::

poodle
I still can't figure out how she got her butt around to the front...

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Thanks Sara
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Alec
Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Waxy.org


Comments: 0
Saturday, March 25, 2006

Sgt. Theakston's Lonely Dorkwave Band 


Genre-defining Dorkwave flyer.

Sgt. Theakston's Lonely Dorkwave Band
Click to zoom

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A list of All Things Web 2.0 starting off with a list of music sites.
Infuriatingly, many are marked witrh asterisks but nowhere does it say what the asterisk means. I need a Web 2.0 application that tells me what the asterisk means.

::


Speaking of, this Last.FM + Pandora interface (clumsily) allows you to listen to Pandora, and if you like the songs, shoot 'em over to your Last.FM profile.
To the three people that know what I'm talking about, it's pretty interesting. More info here and here.

Source code here.

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A really amazing car chase from CNN.
Bing Bang Zoom, this guy is like an NASCAR driver mixed with Frogger.

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Best/gayest fight scene evar.
Two mullet guys, no shirts, all lubed up, dukeing it out in the boiler room where the super from One Day At A Time used to work. The choreography looks like it was laid out by two kids in their bedroom with a Super-8 camera. priceless.

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One minute and 37 totally crazy seconds compiled from Liza Minnelli on Larry King.
I don't know why comedians imitate her, she does just fine on her own.

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Pro-Life celebratory statue of Britney Spears giving birth. Is it art or is it a combination of kinda gross and hilarious?
Someone in the Metafilter comments said "Pomo and Porno are hard to differentiate as words" which is funny.

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Sucked Off

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Thanks Ryan
Thanks David
Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Rob
Thanks K


Comments: 0
Wednesday, March 22, 2006

"Give me an hour, and I'll give you Delicious" - Dan Trenz 


Porchsleeper show Saturday at Jacoby's.

Restroom is Occupied
Get there!


Also Check out this video footage of The 'Sleeper at the Elbow Room in January.
You can see Brian really well, and my arm is kinda off in the distance at one point. Still, better than any of the footage Marty Scorsese filmed of us. Thanks ANG!

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Speaking of rock, this guy makes Heavy Metal marionettes, including the stage that the rockers thrash on. In this QT video clip (takes a while to load, but you'll live) his band jams along with Motorhead's "Ace of Spades" with hilarious results.
The real best part are the shots of the guy pulling the wires and rocking out.

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Great spam sender's name:
Appearance H. Agonize

Great spam subject line:
CHEAP WAY TO BIGGER UR SHORT & THIN D11CK sandwich

Yeah, it's the "sandwich" part that got me too.

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Steve version 1.0 swears that the "Steve" of this site: Steve Don't Eat It is not him. Yeah, right. Have you seen some of the crazy crap Steve eats?

Potted Meat: "Okay, here we go-- Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you've ever smelled a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass."

Beggin' Strips dog treats: "I'm sad to report that I did not run around the house yelling 'Bacon!' I did, however, run around the house yelling 'Call 911!' GodDAMN these are foul. Don't try this at home. I'm not sure it's safe, and I am sure your tongue may kill itself."

Fermented Soybeans from Japan: "The entire experience is difficult to describe, but if you can remember back to the very first time you made out with a hobo's ass, it's a lot like that."

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Winnie the Pooh/Apocalypse Now re-edit from 1987.

In the Shit

"Saigon. Shit. I'm still only in Saigon."

It starts a little slow, you can fast forward into it just a little. Man is it worth it though...especially when it transposes Martin Sheen's Willard with Winnie The Pooh and Dennis Hopper's crazed photojournalist with a fidgety piglet.

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The freaked out multimedia art of Larry Carlson.
Yeah, I don't get it either. I must be on the wrong drugs.

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Here's William Shakespeare's Sonnet 18 ("Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?") converted into the programming language ActionScript:

         // Sonnet 18: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
         // by William Shakespeare
         // ported to ActionScript 2.0 by Satori Canton
         //
         // Original poem can be viewed at:
         // http://plagiarist.com/poetry/915/

         var summer:Object = {};
         var thee:Object = {};

         summer.name = "Summer Day";
         thee.name = "Thee";

         summer.lovelyness = 9;
         thee.lovelyness = 10;

         summer.temperature = 98;
         thee.temperature = 98.6;

         summer.lease = new Date(2006, 7, 31).getTime() - new Date(2006, 5, 1).getTime();
         thee.lease = new Date(2042, 6, 12).getTime() - new Date(1970, 8, 25).getTime();

         summer.complexion = 0xFFCC33;
         thee.complexion = 0xFFCCCC;

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Firefox Extensions, Tools and Google Tricks:


Extension from Kelly:


Another good Firefox extension. Bugmenot! You can use it to bypass compulsory registration on free websites (like new york times, for instance.) Go to this site and get their extension (you'll have to RIGHT click on the link and save it, then drag it into firefox because of security.) After its installed you can just right click on the sign in pages and skip registration all together. Bugmenot will sign you in with one the sign ins from their database.



Firefox Tool from Dan:

Here's something that is pretty handy. In Firefox, goto Tools - Options - Advanced - Accessibility, and check Begin Finding when you begin typing.

What this does essentially is open's the FireFox Find toolbar (Ctrl-F) for you, and begins searching when you type - as long as your focus is not in some sort of text input box or textarea. So you can open a page of huge text and then just start typing the word you're looking for, without asking it to do a "Find."


Google for MP3s via Clicked:

There are a couple different ways to do this, but this is one that I've found works well. By replacing "beatles" with whatever band you're looking for in this search string: “beatles” + “index of” + “mp3" -html -htm -php and pasting it into a Google Search, you can hunt around in peoples' web indexes for real live MP3s.

Also, if you have the Google Toolbar installed you can use one of these extensions and load the search into your toolbar, ready to be on the hunt for MP3s at any time.

Another one that works:
"beatles" (-inurl:htm -inurl:html intitle:"index of" "Last modified") (mp3 | wma | ogg)

::

Cartman!

::


Thanks Clicked
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Steve 1.0
Thanks Dan
Thanks Kelly
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks Ang!


Comments: 0
Sunday, March 19, 2006

People Of Earth: 



Quick question for my nerds out there:

Bootleg Thai video, hilarious engrish at the bottom, apparently the movie doesn't even take place in space...

BOXLEITNER!!!

On the box art (badly Photoshopped together), we can make out Tron, Star Wars, and Alien vs. Predator, and Bruce Boxleitner stolen from Babylon 5, but Who is that orange robot?!?

I can hear him talking and his eyes lighting up and everything, but I'll be damned if I can remember who it is....

Lemme know if you recognize him...DataWhat city councilman Matthew Paramedix won't be able to sleep until he knows.


Comments: 0
Saturday, March 18, 2006

Chunked Pineapple 


The Dick Tracy/Garfield strip from yesterday:
Lottery

Alec's Garfield/Dick Tracy B-side:
surprise

As I am never truly satisfied, I requested some Ziggy-meets-Something Bizarre.
It's tough, because Ziggy is a single panel strip, and so many of the one-panel daily strips are pretty innocuous (the Family Circus, Marmaduke, Heathcliff), so the Ziggy text would not be funny. I suggested attributing the Ziggy line to a photo of an abducted child, but he opted for The Far Side:

careful
and y'know what? it works.

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The trailer for Samuel L. Jackson's next oscar winning role: Snakes on a Plane.

From the MetaFilter comments:

I hope this film starts a trend...
"Bears on a Boat"
"Lions on a RollerCoaster"
"Bees on a Wheelchair"
Go Hollywood!

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Know what makes me laugh? People falling down.
Water skiing, sledding, go-carts...I could watch it for hours.

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Fake book covers that you can put over your own hardcover book to make people nervous.
Titles like "Do-it-Yourself Dentistry" and "How to Make your Grandmother a Porn Star" and "How to Murder a Complete Stranger and Get Away With It."

::

fat duck
Surprise!

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Did you hear about the game that Penn & Teller invented for the Sega home video game console? You drive through the Nevada desert for eight hours in real time, and when you get to Las Vegas, you get one point.

I am wayyy into that.

I am cracking up right now just thinking about how awesome that is.

P.S. I may be going fucking crazy.

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How come nobody told me Carrie Fisher was in The Aristocrats?
The whole thing about Debbie Reynolds (her mom) being a golden shower queen and that being the whole original concept behind "Singin' in The Rain" is hilarious.

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DJ Darth Vader.
Pretty entertaining scratch mix of the Imperial March.

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pineapple
Calvin & Hobbes & Garfield

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Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Alec
Thanks Matt
Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Mary


Comments: 0
Thursday, March 16, 2006

If this don't make your booty move, your booty must be dead. 


Frequent .:DW?:. contributor Alec Julien has done some nice Dick Tracy/Garfield mashups:

dickfield

Alec, let's see what those Garfield strips would look like with the Dick Tracy dialog next.

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Great bunny flash animation and a catchy power pop tune about how "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me"
Sounds like Cheap Trick meets Andrew WK

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barada? kiko? bossk? brakiss? eskobo ? callista? jango? Are these the names of new websites or Star Wars characters? Take this quiz and find out.
Hmmm...meebo could really go either way...

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This 15-year old has memorized Pi to 8,784 digits.
Those are the only digits he's gettin...knowwhuti'msayin?

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Terrific Hee-Haw style video for Jenny Lewis's "Rise Up with Fists!!" featuring Sarah Silverman and the surprisingly buxom Watson Twins.
I'll buy you a Mr. Pibb if you can tell me what Sarah says right at the beginning of the video...I think it's "LEMONADE!!!" but she says it so fucking crazy I can't be sure.

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Whole Soundmurderer sets in convenient MP3 format.
The Starski & Clutch Mix 2004 is not to be missed. If this don't make your booty move, your booty must be dead.

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Randy from Dover Delaware calls in to the Home Shopping Network to profess how much he loves his Dell computer. For watching porno.
The hosts do not guarantee that you can watch porno on a Dell, but Randy seems pretty sure you can.

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pink
yeah, I remember being drunk...

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Thanks Lee
Thanks Alec
Thanks Steve
Thanks David
Thanks DJC
Thanks Cammila


Comments: 0
Monday, March 13, 2006

Sinking 


Do MySpace, Friendster, Last.FM, FaceBook, and any of those other "Community" sites make you want to punch people in the throat?

Try Isolatr

punch

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Hilarious commercial of the German Coast Guard misunderstanding English.
Along the same lines, This family should learn English before enjoying rap music in the car (lyrics NSFW).

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This guy mailed in a ripped up credit card application that he taped back together and requested that the credit card company mail it back to a different address....and of course they did it.
The guy even points out that in the credit card's fine print it instructs you to rip up the application if you don't want it.

And you know what kind of credit card it is? A Chase Mastercard. Know what kind of credit card I have? A Chase Mastercard. Nice to know they're so up on security.

I also like the Google Ads on the page for "Get a Credit Card Here!"

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"C'mon try to work that booty!" Fun video of The Go! Team RealMedia performing live in KCRW's studios.
The video is like 41 minutes long... I dunno if there's an interview or what, but the first song (all I sat through) was good.

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More video goodness: Soul Asylum live in the MTV studios performing "Sometime To Return" in 1988.
I like that despite they had "Made It" onto MTV, they still look like four guys playing in a bar in Minneapolis.

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Goodbye Faz.
Faz Huessin, longtime pizza shop owner who was well known in the area for his outgoing and friendly personality, died Thursday evening at the age of 54.

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A pretty complete list of every public figure that Saturday Night Live has made fun of over the past 30 years.
The site is cool, I just wish the photos were smaller...oh wait, that's physically impossible.

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The Raconteurs (Jack White vs. Brendan Benson) have a video.
I remarked aloud that it is weird to see Jack White in non-costume mode, and then I realized he is wearing this crazy fringed decorated jacket and quite possibly lipstick.

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dancenow

y'know Lee, I was gonna take this gif and upload it up to that space that you gave me, but then I figured "that's stupid"

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Thanks Lee
Thanks Derek
Thanks Brian
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks David
Thanks Lori
Hey Perry, that Monty Python thing is gone,otherwise I woulda put it up.


Comments: 0
Thursday, March 09, 2006

Franks & Beans, Dirigeable Planets 



So there's this Wedding Crashers Budweiser site where you can put your heads on the people in the trailer and then they act it all out.

Rip Spleen

It is obviously hilarious:

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Fun time-waster for music dorks: MusicMap allows you to enter an artist's name, select an album, then request similar albums via a cool flash interface. (Look somebody up, then hover over the image, then select "EXPAND").

It's kinda like LivePlasma with a better interface. I believe they both draw off of Amazon's "If You Like This, You May Also Like This" method of collaborative filtering, which works OK...If you ask for albums similar to Bob Marley's "Legend" it suggests three more Bob Marley albums, and then Jimi Hendrix' Greatest Hits, so I guess if you live in a frat house, that kinda makes sense... A request of albums similar to a Beatles album gets you four more Beatles albums...meh. Works better for indie stuff.

If it can't find an image for an album, it kinda spins indefinietely until it gives up, and the whole apparatus seems to crap out on every fourth lookup, but the whole thing is fun to look at.

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Three Great entries from Rock & Roll Confidential's Hall of Douchebags.
Actually, only picking three of these is hard work.

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Two videos:

Asian Screaming Guy who yells and scares people on the street.

Pac-Man re-enactment as two guys in huge Pac-Man/Ghost costumes run through UofM's quiet library and maze-like computer lab yelling "Wakka Wakka Wakka."

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Some great Engrish on these menu cards from a Chinese steakhouse:

silky

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WolfMother: The Darkness meets Sabbath meets Yes meets Blue Cheer without any irony.

MySpace Page with four songs.
Great nerdy website too with the Frank Frazetta paintings and all. I've only heard one song, and it might get old, but the single is really strong.

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My friend (and everybody's) Jesus over at WhatWouldJesusBlog? sent me this great mix tape of black people songs sung by white people.
Nina Gordon of Veruca Salt covering "Straight Outta Compton" is at least worth checking out.

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Know who's been looking good lately? Mariah. Carey.
That's who.

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Winter Olympics running out of locations? How about Hoth in 2014?
It is a world of snow and ice.

::

Whatta Hunk!

Happy Birthday Darlin!
I'd be "Lost" without you!

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Thanks David
Thanks Rob
Thanks Derek
Thanks Jared
Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Sac-to


Comments: 0
Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Borgnine! 



All my life, I've been looking for an adjective. An adjective that really sums up how completely awesome something is. I thought "Ninja-Sweet" was it, but now there's something meatier.

Airwolf

Think about it, bro.

Dude

or

.PPT

Brilliant work Dave's Long Box.
I owe you my life.

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I just spoke to someone who was not yet aware of House of Cosbys, the cartoon shorts featuring a guy who cloned a whole bunch of versions of Bill Cosby to hang out with in his house. I recommend that you watch the first one.
P.S. The real-life Bill Cosby is PISSED! PDF of the Cease & Desist order.

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Detroit 21-month-old baby what plays the drums...sorta.
with video

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Biz Markie doll available in Japan.
Or a joke...either way = funny.

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X-Men 3 Trailer.
P.S. As an ultra-dorky kid, The Beast spent a lot of time at the top of my "Coolest X-Man" list, and I'm tickled blue that Kelsey Grammer is playing him...in case you were keeping score at home. Also: Juggernaut is not nearly big enough. Comix vs. movie...just not the same, is it? He should totally have been all CGI.

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A thousand great links from BoingBoing:

Luggage tape with the fourth amendment ( The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated) printed on it.

Hi-res images of the Bill of Rights, the Constitution, and the Declaration of Independance

People with tattoos of chairs.

SiteShuffle: A way to easily flip through all of the websites you usually flip through.
Note: I have not tried this 'un yet.

The concept of MyWare:
Myware is like spyware, but it lets you spy on yourself.

Why would you spy on yourself? Why would you share the data with Last.fm?

Last.fm: Tell us what music you listen to, anytime, all the time, without even realizing it

Why?

Napster made all music ever recorded available -- so how do you know what to listen to? Mission: "Harness the knowledge of the crowd." Someone out there knows what you should be listening to; no need to read tedious editorial.

Audioscrobbler installs in media-players like iTunes, etc and reports what you're listening to at any moment and updates your user-profile. Only records stuff you listen to, but not stuff you skip -- just the stuff you pay attention to.


An antique hall of mirrors for cats...why? I dunno.

::


The Star Wars Holiday Special is finally online via YouTube (for now).
Every single yellow letter in this title is a link to more Holiday Special goodness.

::


Extreme blog dorks only: ThighsWideShut has his second anniversary recap up, and it is a site to behold.
If you've never gone to the site, it might be a bit much for your brain to take in all at once.

::

oh, and if that Airwolf adjective doesn't work out for you, you could try:
Ernie

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Thanks Bob
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks San Francisco Steve Hall
Thanks Kelly
Thanks BoingBoing


Comments: 0
Monday, March 06, 2006

Van Eck Phreaking Awesome! 



Yeah!  Go Al!

Fun little page where you can write anything on Einstein's blackboard.

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The Calvin and Hobbes Searchable Database where you can type in any topic or text and it'll bring back all of the relevent Calvin and Hobbes comic strips.
I recommend the words "Snowman" or "Transmogrifier."
"Spiff" and "Tuna" also bring back rewarding results.

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Amazing 10-second video of a guy throwing a pan of boiling water into the -40 degree air.
WaterThenSnow.

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Hoo boy...Man steals schoolgirl's swimsuit to wear, defecate in.
Now that's a headline.


::

I wish I'd had this flowchart with me when that shopping cart appeared in my front yard.

B-4

Looks like either a B-4 (On/As Personal Property) or possibly an A-9 (Remote False)
...they're obviously very hard to differentiate without further study.

::


Odds are you're sick of Brokeback Mountain too, but to see it Enacted in 30 seconds by bunnies is still worth a look.
Warning: Spoiler-ish in that Mad Magazine parody kind of way

::


Hermione drinking again.
This time: A budweiser. Don't they have any good beers in England?

::


Online amateurs crack Nazi codes and there's a photo of the Enigma machine!!!
OK, this is really just a post for anyone who devoured Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. Any data nerds out there should pick it up and consume it like it's a Harlequin Romance. Intrigue! Codebreaking! Treasure! Van Eck Phreaking! Van Eck Phreaking awesome, that's what!

::


Apparently Natalie Portman swears like a sailor and likes to f*ck all night.
Oop! This video was yanked off of YouTube just like Lazy Sunday...

::

EVH DLR

OK, how on earth is it possible that Eddie Van Halen looks worse than David Lee Roth now?

::


Thanks Lee
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks David
Thanks Brian
Thanks BoingBoing
Thanks Justin
Thanks Dustin
Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Goody
Nice work K


Comments: 0
Sunday, March 05, 2006

The Oscar Grouch 



PJ and I have filled out our Oscar scorecards. She's voting pretty much a straight Brokeback ticket, but despite the presence of Isaac "Miss Grabby" I don't feel that Hollyweird is ready to fully embrace a movie about two cowboys that like to put their penises in each other.

Michelle Williams looks like somebody barfed up Big Bird on a white girl.
That dress looks like it was designed by Plochmann's mustard.

Kiera Knightly looks like she is wrapped in starched Slim Jim beef jerky strips and a necklace made of human eyeballs.

I wish Paul Giamatti would've bought a suit that fit.

Now appearing on the Red Carpet: Tim Burton -- Corpse Director.
It looks like he borrowed Bob Dylan's fright wig for the evening.

Naomi Watts wearing the Cast Away collection...like her dress is made out of discarded fishing nets.

Ludacris looked good.

The puppeteers who are running Ang Lee are doing great job.
Lots of realistic blinking.

I have absolutely no opinion about Jessica Alba.
I know she should not be chewing gum. And the tattoo is trashy.

SPEED 3!!! Are Keeanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock dating?

I just thought that Philip Seymour Hoffman was Gary Busey.
That's not a good sign for Phil.

Salma Hayek looks really good...like lots of good Mexican food wrapped into a blue tortilla.
So far all of the women in blue (incl. Jada Pinkett Smith) look good.

Nicole Kidman needs to stop touching her hair.

Oh yeah, Felicity Huffman is a woman. Her clevage looks really gross and bony.

I am a big fan of Reese Witherspoon...not sure about the wedding dress she's wearing.
Like curtains in an old southern mansion.

Jennifer Aniston = Orange. Hair. Skin. Lips. Orange.

Jake Gyllenhaal is a class act.
And he is sick of talking about kissing a man.


::


UPDATE: Best Jon Stewart Bits Throughout the Evening via YouTube

The intro was pretty funny. Anything with Jon Stewart and George Clooney in bed together is good for a larf.

UPDATE: Oscar Opening via YouTube

"Sad news, Bjork couldn't be here tonight...She was trying on her Oscar gown and Dick Cheney shot her."

"Lots of good re-makes: King Kong. War of the Worlds. Walk the Line...which was pretty much Ray with white people."

There was also a good montage of footage from Westerns made out to have gay themes...Everybody's doing recuts nowadays.

UPDATE: Cowboy Montage via YouTube

It looks like a bat landed on Charlize Theron's shoulder.

Clooney won Best Supporting Actor. PJ One, ZJ Zero

They keep playing a song that sounds like "Oh Canada"

Oh No! Ben Stiller?!? What's happening?

King Kong wins for Visual Effects. PJ = 2... Zac gets 1

Wallace & Grommit = Best Animated Film: PJ Undefeated. Zac gets two.

Yay for Dolly Parton! The boobs and lips (and face) might be fake, but at least she's singing for real.

Yay Owen & Luke Wilson. They are funny. I would drink a thousand beers with them, and Penny would make out with both of 'em at once.
Hmmm... I probably shouldn't drink those thousand beers when they're around, then.

Some other boring category. Neither of us get it. PJ=3/4 -- ZJ=2/4

Oh, man...why do they insist on having animated characters handing out Oscars...and sadly, this is probably the only time Joan Cusack will ever be on the Oscar stage.

Animated Short. Nuthin. PJ=3/5 -- ZJ=2/5

Best Costume: Memoirs of a Geisha. We both guessed that one. PJ 4/6 -- ZJ 3/6

Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell. Why is one pronounced "FAIR-ell" and the other pronounced "Cuh-RELL"?
They need to make a decision and get back to me.

Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia wins best Makeup: PJ 4/7 -- ZJ 3/7

Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weiss and her fetus. Nope. Nope. PJ 4/8 -- ZJ 3/8
How weird would it be to be a kid (or a person) and know that you were up on stage at the Oscars before you were born?

C'mon Miss Bacall. We're all pulling for you to finish. This. Speech.

UPDATE: Uncomfortable Lauren Bacall Speech via YouTube

There was a great series of fake political ads for Best Actress...it should be up on YouTube in about four minutes. I'll put a link up in four minutes.

Documentary Short: Nuthin Nuthin. PJ 4/9 -- ZJ 3/9

Documentary Feature: C'monnnnn Penguins! Yep. PJ 5/10 -- ZJ 4/10
I'll bet these guys will be tired of holding these goofy stuffed penguins for the entire night.

This lady's song from Crash is really boring.
Somehow, even with a car on fire, it is really boring.

Art Direction: Geisha. No. No. PJ 5/11 -- ZJ 4/11

Samuel L. Jackson. SNAKES ON A PLANE! SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!
It'll have to wait until the 2007 Academy Awards.

Oh no. The President of the Academy...Is America's Funniest Home Videos on anywhere?
Now I wish I had Tivo.

Hoo boy. First the message from the President, now the Musical Score medley.
For those of us who are pregnant, this is pretty much the sleepytime portion of the show.

Original Score: Hooray for Brokeback Mountain. PJ -- 6 for 12! Batting .500! ZJ -- 5/12

Jake Gyllenhaal made a joke with out meaning to. Not too bad for a gay cowboy. Also, very good montage action.

Sound Mixing: King Kong...nope PJ 6/13 -- ZJ 5/13

Jack Nicholson's daughter looks tired and bored. Unless she's just a seat filler, then the Academy needs to get their money back.

Whoa! Prostitutes and rap songs on the Oscars! Oop, and they just said "shit" on the air.
I just had this awesome image of a square white guy from the Specs Howard school of broadcasting with his finger on the dump button trying like hell to figure out what these wacky African-Americans are saying.

Queen Latifah looks great. Mariah Carey take note.

Best song: The rap song. Nope Nope. PJ 6/14 -- ZJ 5/14
All of the sudden it looks like the Source Awards up there.

Jennifer Garner almost took a spill. She said "I do all my own stunts." Pretty Cute

Best Sound: Kong again. Nope Nope. PJ 6/15 -- ZJ 5/15

These are people who died, died.

Foreign Film: Tsotsi ... PJ stays at 6/16, I tie her with a win: 6/16

"Ladies & Gentlemen. I just wanted to say: Martin Scorsese -- Zero Oscars. Three Six Mafia -- One Oscar." - Jon Stewart

Editing: Crash! PJ 6/17 -- ZJ 7/17

Hillary Swank is too skinny now.
I really hope she and Rob Lowe can work it out.

Best actor: C'monnn Phil Hoffman. Yes! PJ 6/18 -- ZJ 8/18
He is a fucking champ. He deserved to win.

Cinematography: Geisha again. Crap. PJ 6/19 -- ZJ 8/19
Man oh man..."The New World"...What Was I Thinking?!? STUPID STUPID STUPID!

Best Actress: I voted for the transgender, PJ voted for the Southern Belle. Reese wins. That's fine by me. PJ 7/20 -- ZJ 8/20
Will she thank her husband? Yes she will. She thanked everybody.

Best Adapted Screeplay: Brokeback. That's good. Larry McMurtry is usually pretty clever onstage. PJ 8/21 -- ZJ 9/21
and I didn't know that History of Violence was based on a graphic novel.

Uma jiggles : Original Screeplay = Crash. PJ 8/22 -- ZJ 10/22

Best Director: Ang Lee. "Oh there's that music again!" - Penny Johnson (9/23) "Ha!" - Zac Johnson (11/23)

Ok, I went for a gamble with Best Picture, guessing at Good Night & Good Luck (directed by an Actor, historical, in black & white) steering away from Brokeback Mountain (still too controversial?). PJ went with the gay cowboy movie. Both of us lose. Crash wins.

Final tally:
PJ: 9 out of 24
ZJ: 11 out of 24


Jon Stewart did a good job. Funny and aloof. No Johnny Carson, but no Whoopi Goldberg.

Reese won, so Penny's happy. And if she's happy, that's all that matters in the world to me.

Thanks PJ
Thanks for some of the photos Jared


Comments: 0
Saturday, March 04, 2006

Is the Algorithm Function Self-Compositing? 



A brilliantly timed and executed real-life version of the Simpsons intro.
Power plant, skateboard, checkout lane, inanimate carbon rod. It's got everything.

::

algorithm

::


Fart Story that was e-mailed to me:

Rumsfeld and G. Dub are two old college buddies of mine:

Rumsfeld and I are leaving G. Dub's apartment the next morning after a heavy night of drinking followed up by some La Bamba Burrito action. Our stomachs are sort of queasy from the abuse, but we're still young, so it's all good. I walk out the door first, Rumsfeld is about 3 feet behind me. I take a few steps towards the parking lot and I see these three totally hot college chicks walking towards us from around the corner. The thing is, *I* can see them, but since Rumsfeld is 3 feet behind me, he couldn't see them yet because of the corner of the building blocking his view.

This is when he decides to unleash the most unholy fart ever birthed upon this Earth.

Loud, reverberating....I swear you could hear it echoing off the apartments on the other side of the lot. And even better, it immediately smelled awful -- one of those awesome farts that somehow manage to stink up the outdoors for a few seconds.

These chicks turn to look and make disgusted faces. Rumsfeld then finally notices them, turns bright red. Nobody says anything, and we finally make it to the car and burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight. They obviously heard it, and they probably smelled it too as they walked directly through his Cloud O' Stench. The comedic timing of it all couldn't have been better, seeing it all unfold from my point of view.

Please note: One name has been changed to protect the innocent.

::


OK, Lemme get this straight, one of the members of the Ypsi school board is named Getto?
He seems like a fucking stand-up guy too (peep his blog) but man, "Getto?" Doesn't Ypsi have enough struggles on its own?

::

How Much Inside?

How much gold is inside a bottle of Goldschlager? ($1.38). How much is inside a couple of "D" cell batteries? (Enough to power a flashlight for 116 hours). How much ink is in a Sharpie? (Enough to label 968 CDRs or 1,800 feet).
How much free time do these people have?

::


Weiner-larious photo of a Texas A&M basketball player where it looks like his donger is hanging out.
The newspaper says "Shadows, lighting create unfortunate optical illusion" but I gotta say, it looks like the Oscar Mayer truck is driving out of his shorts.

UPDATE: The guy with "TEXAS" on his uniform is clearly from the University of Texas, not Texas A&M.
I obviously thought differently because I thought all guys with huge peach-colored cocks were Aggies, but I stand corrected. Thanks RFry for President.

::


"Hey good looking, we'll be back to pick you up later!"

Awesome old Mr. Microphone commercial.
"Judging from the way people conduct themselves around this product, it is quite clear that Mr. Microphone contains gin."

::

Donk
Donkers

::


Thanks Waxy.org
Thanks Donkers
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0
Thursday, March 02, 2006

Support Local Theater 



Rokkit

Porchsleeper at the Hamtramck Blowout Friday with the superb Todd Holmes on lead bass.

Also:

My Dad is directing 'A Thousand Clowns' at Ann Arbor Civic Theater on Friday.

Clowny

get out there and support the arts.

::


Speaking of supporting the arts, the Firefly DVDs are on sale at Amazon right now for $25! It was down to $19.86 earlier today which rocketed it up to #2 on Amazon's Best Selling DVDs list for today.
If you don't have it, you should buy it.

::


Hey Paul, Jeremy sent me this video under the title "ugliest music video ever" and I look at it, and it's Jan Terri! Remember her? That one nice guy from the Tower regional office in Chicago used to be her manager? And she performed at a private party at Marilyn Manson's request? 'Member? What was that guy's name...Jim? Man, I think you gave me a copy of her Christmas album on tape one year...
Mem'ries....like the something something something...

::


RUDY! RUDY! If you haven't seen this story about the autistic kid who shot 6 three-pointers in a row in the last four minutes of a basketball game, it's pretty awesome.
Note, even if you are a very masculine, robust, full bodied man, you might get a little choked up.

::


Some would say this is a great curling shot, but a local afficionado sent me this one which is actually even more spectacular.
HURRY!!!

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I always wondered what would happen...these four folks decided to drive side-by-side going 55 miles per hour on an Atlanta Freeway and filmed the whole thing.
Verdict: People get mad at you.

::


Lindsay Lohan's boob surfaced again...this time on the red carpet for a GM event. She looks kinda mad. There are super hi-res versions here and here, but I gotta warn you, the skin on her back is really creepy looking. I like pretty girls and all, and I guess overall she's a good looking girl, but her back is really...haggard. Kinda grossed me out.
Good comment I read: "Look at the inside of her right wrist - she has the word “breathe” scarred into the skin...Best crib note ever."

::


Other nekkid starlet news: Jessica Alba may sue Playboy for putting her on the cover. Apparently According to her lawyer Brian Wolf, the magazine's decision to put her on the cover to illustrate a story about the 25 sexiest celebrities had caused Alba "immeasurable harm". I don't really see how, but what I like is the photo they included:


ptooo

Doesn't it look like she got in a fight and part of her jagged tooth is sticking up? Or she was photographed in the middle of spiting out her gum?

::


Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Derek
Thanks Dan
Thanks Mike


Comments: 0
Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Action, S 


mo' new tech:
Sony StreamMan Phone Technology.

Action, S

Looks like you can subscribe(?) to this service and get a stream of music.
The really nice part about it is the flash demo and the ability to select music by Mood or Situation.
That is a great idea.
Check out the demo...it's a fun toy.


Another cool tech product: Microsoft's Origami.

tablet

Looks like a tablet PC with a touchscreen...kinda like a laptop without the keyboard. Dunno how revolutionary it is, but the demo is pretty sharp.

::


Kittenpants unearthed these horrible horrible commercials for a dietary suppliment called AYDS.

As in "With AYDS I ate less, so the weight came off."

Can you imagine working for that company in the early '80s? I'm seeing a crowded boardroom with one white-haired guy saying "Folks I've been told we should tune into this televised news conference" so they click around on the VHF dial and hear C. Everett Koop talking about Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, and the whole company going "Well...Crap." and then going out for drinks.
"AYDS helped me get back into a size 12!" hoo boy.

::


Nice photo of Hermione Grainger drinking a Corona.
...or what looks like "pretending to drink a Corona in a humorous fashion."

::


Before and After Retouched Celebrity Photos.
Then click on Portfolio on the left...Then click "Agree"...Then click "before/after" on the left. People are ugly.

::


Click here to hear Donn Knotts talking about boobs.
Mr. Boob. That's him.

::


Funny news blooper where this news anchor means to say that a mountain climber is blind, but says something very different.
Uh...he's blind not deaf y'know.

::


How Kim Deal joined the Pixies:

Deal got married and moved to Boston. "I'd lived in Boston for one week and I got this paper called the Boston Phoenix that had ads in the back. A lot of them are, like, 'Bring your chops [talent], must have own van.' Which means, basically, they're looking for someone with a van, because they don't have their own transportation." But one ad caught her eye. "It said: 'Looking for female bassist, high harmony, must like Hüsker Dü, Peter Paul & Mary, no chops.' I thought it was really cool. And I called the people. I'd never done this before. Or since. And I found out from Joe on this tour I was the only one who actually answered that ad."

::

I love the fact that in this BoingBoing post they need to point out that the image is a Helen Frankenthaler painting, not chewing gum.

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/03/01/boy_sticks_gum_on_ab.html

::


Please do yourself a favor and download Jenny Lewis' album "Rabbit Fur Coat" for free.
One of this year's best releases. For free. From the label. Legally. Encourage This Kind Of Activity People!

::


Thanks Dan
Thanks Rob
Thanks Matt
Thanks Steve
Thanks Thighmaster


Comments: 1

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