Monday, November 28, 2005

Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. 

Apparently This Image has the names of 75 bands in it.

Uh...matchbox 20?

I found four or five, then got really distracted by the Queen shooting the Prince with dildos.


Funny memo from The Onion attributed to the CEO and President of The Gillette Company called "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"
"Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades."


Yacht Rock 5
How Michael Jackson got his smooth back. Hint: Michael McDonald has something to do with it.


Matt Tobey goes another round with the Swedish Nike salesman (or robot, depending on who you ask).

Matt says:
word around the campfire is Nike's come out with a limited edition Brian Dennehy shoe.
what are the chances I could get my hands on about half a gross of those? just the left ones of course.

Hunter says:
your english is very good ,and my english is so poor ,so i can't catch your meaning

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX?

Hunter says:

Matt says:

Matt says:
did you ever see the movie FX 2?


18 interesting medical tips and tricks you can use on your very own body.
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute.


The Phallic Logo Awards


Thanks Mary Parkis
Thanks Double Viking
Thanks Matt
Thanks Fark

Comments: 0
Sunday, November 27, 2005

Stupid Pet Trick 

From the day we got our dog, our mission has been to teach her to say "I Love You" and today all of the training and hard work finally paid off:

Daisy Saying "I Love You"

Rai Ruv Roo
MP3 :55 seconds

Comments: 0
Friday, November 25, 2005

It's so cold in -- Bloc Party  

Had a good thanksgiving, good to see the fam and what-not. Came home, read for a while, went to bed. Woke up at 2 in the morning with the household at a crisp 55 degrees. Sleepy PJ says: "We need to fix the house. It is broken." 2:15 = Pull apart the furnace, hunt online for a PDF of a Lennox Elite G23 User's Manual. HVAC How-To forums all point to a broken blower motor or a busted BCC Board. Give up at 4:00. Leave water running so the pipes don't freeze. Wake up, call the furnace repair guy (day after thanksgiving, lucky to find a guy who's willing to come out). He says the BCC board's burned out. Shows it to me, looks like a motherboard that somebody's used as an ashtray. $350 later, our furnace works.

This is a week to the day that we had to pull our entire toilet out to find a leak that was dripping all the way down into our basement (through the walls of the first floor).

Y'know, maybe renting instead of buying is a better idea...


Farts are Awesome!


Looks like they're auctioning off many of the costumes from Firefly including Mal's Browncoat.
Bidding starts at $1500 and Christmas is right around the corner.


Some choice Bill Bonds audio clips on his site.
Big fan of his Radio intros, especially the classic rock one.


Like it or not, here's the new INXS single.
Thoughts: PJ says one of the Farris brothers looks like Jim Morrison in his "Large Mammal" phase. The new lead singer is doing his best to do a Michael Hutchence impression, and isn't quite hitting it. The band still sounds good, and when the chorus kicks in, it does kinda sound like INXS. And I like the bridge.

The whole album is a different story (available Here streamed from VH1's site). Each of the songs seems perfectly tailored for the eight second bumper right before the kids go out to the club on The Real World Austin. Little snapshots and catchphrases like "Hot Girls!" and "It's the Devil's Party!"...just right for coming out of commercials, or footage of those wacky Road Rules coeds gearing up for a challenge.
Not exactly transcendent, but certainly marketable.


Mr Miyagi? He's D.Y.K.
The Girl Karate Kid: What's going on?
Mr. Miyagi: Nothing. Just monks having good time.
The Girl Karate Kid: I thought they were supposed to be spiritual
Mr. Miyagi: Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.


I dunno why I didn't know this before, but Borat has a website where he responds to the accusation that "We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way. "
Women are now allowed to travel inside of bus.


I dunno how many of you grew up on the Richard Scarry childrens books, but this site illustrates some of the changes between the 1960 edition and the 1991 edition. Like lots of gender equality: Mrs. Farmer is now out in the field, and the Father is now in the kitchen. And the Milkman? What milkman?
Besides, even if he did exist, he would be a "Milk Delivery Carrier" and probably drawn as a woman.




Matt Knee and I are going to see Rogue Wave at the Blind Pig on Saturday.
Maybe we'll see you too.


Thanks Goody
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Lee
Thanks PJ

Comments: 0
Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Encyclopedia White 

Remember that kid from the Encyclopedia Britannica commercials?
Encyclopedia White
Turns out he's Stan Freberg's kid!
He also was the voice of Linus and Charlie Brown in the mid to late '70s.

He also has a mostly NSFW blog.


Enrique Iglesias To Launch Line Of 'Small' Condoms.
No, I'm not making that up! How could I possibly make that up?!?


iTunes music store earned more money than Tower Records in Q3 of 2005.
Although according to some people, the iPod is just like a Walkman that holds more songs.

:: =
Kinda like Metafilter, but somehow even nerdier.


Some really amazing Nature photos.
Requires Flash.


Laptops and Shirtsleeves are the order of the day at Strongbad's space academy. Space Captainface has to escape the Earth's Tenacity!
Much Coach Z hilarity if you click on the tire at the very end.


DataWhat fans have been requesting, nay demanding more boobs, so here goes:

Got the hots for youthful Fleur Delacour from the new Harry Potter movie? Don't cane yourself in Vietnam just yet, turns out the actress is actually 21 years old and is way naked in this French movie.

Grambo has almost a wardrobe malfunction from Keira Knightly.
Not as good as this one from Esquire (the magazine, not the gay rapper).

Lindsay Lohan's boobs are slowly returning from scrawny grossitude.
Not back to their previous fighting weight, but at least she doesn't look like a piece of string cheese with Vendi sunglasses anymore. Plus, in picture 4 she's reading some kind of teen girl Choose Your Own Adventure book.

Jessica Alba and Rosario Dawson kinda making out.
Or of the two.

For the ladies, here's a birthday cake with a big penis on it that says Happy Birthday Mom.
NSFW...and the frosting balls are really grossing me out.

Finally: Sarah Silverman's cleavage from the awesomely titled Heeb Magazine
I love chinks, who doesn't?
if you are unfamiliar with Sarah Silverman's "I Love Chinks, who doesn't?" joke, it's in this first paragraph.


Thanks Goody
Thanks Justin
Thanks Metafilter

Comments: 0
Monday, November 21, 2005

Jesus Sandwich 

Ha Ha! Look at that funny Face!
Exit Strategy
Boo Hoo! We elected him President of our country.
More photos Here:


Rockabilly guitar legend Link Wray?
He's D.Y.K.


That one guy from Ok Go talks about D.R.M.
Nerds only.


Technorati and some other smart dudes put together this little applet:

My blog is worth $31,614.24.

How much is your blog worth?


My life changed this weekend when I ate at Slows BBQ in Corktown. Brian & Derek shared a slab of baby-back ribs (kinda like in Lady & the Tramp) with cornbread and Mac & Cheese, and I had a Jesus sandwich. It was called the JP Special or something but I call it the Jesus Sandwich because it tasted just like our lord and saviour. Pulled pork with an onion marmalade and a mustard something something sauce served on Texas toast with a side of cornbread. Holy God. It was the only time in my life when I wanted to instantly have eaten everything already, and I also wished that I could keep eating that Jesus Sandwich forever.
Nice review at the Metro Times.


Nerd panties.
Chastity Belt Y2K


Left the building.


Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks David
Thanks Goody
Thanks A.Warshaw
Thanks Donkers

Comments: 0
Thursday, November 17, 2005

Four Band Bill 

Four Band Bill
Porchsleeper at the Lager House this Saturday
with The Prime Ministers, Starling Electric and The Reed Brothers.
we will be the loud ones.


Speaking of loud and the Devil, here's the new Darkness Video.
One Way Ticket to Hell...And Back!


Leeroy Jenkins was featured in a question on Jeopardy.
Or an answer...or just part of a, I can never figure out how that works...


More funny: The Phat Phree takes on the horror of puberty on TV.

Jeremy Miller AKA Ben Seaver (Growing Pains):
He was one of the most awkward-looking debacles of puberty around. He donned a pencil-thin high school mustache and a mullet that couldn’t decide if it belonged to a “Keytarist” or a “Magician”. If I was a producer on this show, I’d have killed off old Ben Seaver around season four or five.


Top Thirty facts about Chuck Norris:
#6 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.


Know what's one of the funniest things you can do? Read the Fark headlines:

Police search Vietnam, Hey. For Gary Glitter, Hey. With amusing photo goodness, Hey.

Chrysler to offer free tanks of gas to people who buy its cars because filling the tank doubles the average Chrysler's value

Woman's nearly naked protest of circus nearly interests passersby

William Shatner... wants... to sell... kidney.. stone... on... Ebay

Bush approval rating at 34 percent, which ties him with Lincoln's approval in South Carolina in 1863

Bad: You're sinking in a peat bog. Worse: Rescuers can't get to you. Worst: It's because your rottweilers are attacking them

California considers building 11 mile tunnel of death through earthquake zone

Joaquin Phoenix does not have frogs in his hair


Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks David
Thanks GoldenFiddle

Comments: 0
Wednesday, November 16, 2005

"Honest" Abe 

Uhhh...I came to DataWhat today to find my Template augmented adding a "Comments By Abe" link in my Blogroll. Uh, Abe? Who the fuck are you? And how the hell did you gain access to my Blogger profile? Also, why do you even have a blog? You are posting nothing of interest...and for that matter, why do you have an RSS feed for your uninteresting blog, along with an RSS feed for your comments? Dude...You've only ever had one comment, and you wrote it! Not to mention your Atom feed and your WordPress link. Who is so starved for Abe News that they need four feed links?
Needless to say, the hatches have been battened down at Fort DataWhat, so this should not happen again.


that's pretty much all you'd need, right?


Sco-Jo speaking French in the French "Match Point" trailer?


Harry Potter and Ron Weasley offer up their iPod Playlists.
Snif...they grow up so fast...


Early X-mas shopping for the little girl that has everything? How's 'bout the Trailer Trash Doll?
If you push her pregnant belly she says "Look out! It's a Twister!" or "Bubba Junior, get off your sister" just like the Barbie in my nightmares.


Aren't there enough unpleasant things going on in the men's room without a mural of women's faces jeering and laughing?
no pressure, fella....


Naming stuff could be worse...The Navy just barely decided to not call this airborne jamming technology "The Shocker."
I for one think it should've been called squirrel....


Ol' School photo of the AMG Archive back when it was in Big Rapids.


Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Dustin
Thanks Aaron
Thanks Mark
Thanks Heather

Comments: 0
Monday, November 14, 2005

Grease is the Word 


Everybody's friend Megan is compiling great stories about The Fleetwood Diner. I unfortunately have none. I seem to remember Mary Parkis having a really good one involving complaining loudly about Alec Baldwin at the exact moment that Alec Fucking Baldwin walked in the door, but that is not my story.

If you have a good 'un, throw it in the comments here,
or e-mail it directly to Megan at a2fleetwood [at] yahoo


Previously unreleased Elliott Smith songs.
I haven't listened yet, but figgered I'd pass it along.


Serenity is now playing at the Dollar theatres in Briarwood Mall.
If you hain't seen it...see it.


Two more AMGers on the BlogRoll: Jason Buchanan and Skyler Miller.
Both will make your life better.


Dis ones fo' de Ladiez: Dogs dressed in Bee costumes.
Those of you who hate dogs, or bees, or dogs with bees in their mouths can view and appreciate the humor of the way this person sets up the pages with clever Frenchman-style phrases at the bottom to taunt you into clicking on the next page.

Bottom of Page 15 "Your daily intake of beedogs has been critically low. Click here or you will die."
Top of Page 16 "Phew. Your life has been saved by beedogs."


For the iPod Shuffle customer, true believer, or vampire fearer, I give you the iBelieve.
That's right, a crappy iPod Shuffle case shaped like the cross that killed our lord & savior.


push butt


Thanks KVB
Thanks Thighmaster
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks MetaFilter
Thanks Alex

Comments: 0
Friday, November 11, 2005


Things I like tonight:

The Simpsons Season 5

Ernest Borgnine

Boston Terriers that let me know when they need to go outside

James Brown singing "Living in America" while on drugs or drunk or something from this clip.

Gin if you couldn't tell


The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien



My Wife

The new Rogue Wave record.

Powdered Gravy

Bagels & cream cheese


Matt Tobey making fun of Chinamen shoe salesmen

Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo

K Damnspot (the blog and advice column)

Brian Smith, Chris Handyside and Johnny Loftus.

Squeak fish

The oboe (by far the sexiest of all reed instruments)

Van Halen's first four albums.

Derek's wife Susan

Mike Macharyas' stoopid/hilarious songs about celebrities (he just repeats celebrity names over a Casiotone the classic tune Kevin Federline).

The #2 meal at McDonalds (with an orange drink)


Sara Hall particularly this picture.

Playing Tetris on my cellphone.

Bill Hicks

Jim Manheim

And my one wish:

I wish I loved The Hold Steady as much as everbody else on the planet seems to.

Don't get me wrong, the lyrics are so good (as evidenced by this post from ahem May of this year), but the guy's voice reminds me of M.Doughty from Soul Coughing and the detachable penis from King Missle (with a little bit of the guy from Cake). Not that there's any thing wrong with SoulCoughingKingMissleCake, but if I want angry bar room rants from a drunken singer, I've got Brian Raleigh to guide me, and his lyrics are better (and he's honestly drunk...not just being slyly ironic).

how now, brown bureaucrat ?

Comments: 0
Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Real quick, in the comments tell me the first three words that come into your head when you hear the word "Squirrel."
I'm totally serious (and trying to be a dick about something)


Nice interactive image of a bunch of things tagged with "Squared Circle" Flickr (near as I can tell)


The most astute mind in Detroit politics? Rob Theakston.
I shit you not.


Nice article in Slate about Rock Snobs.
"Why o why, ye Rock Gods, do I cherish the Minutemen's cover of the old Steely Dan song "Doctor Wu" as much as I do?"


Forbes and Yahoo are somehow indicating that if you send them an e-mail time capsule, they will send it on to you in 20 years.
Uh...does anybody know what their e-mail address is gonna be in 20 years? If so, can I send it to you? and then you can forward it to 2025?


Some really cute entries of Celebrities photoshopped into old print ads like Kirsten Dunst in an old Marilyn Monroe magazine cover or Steve Carell shilling Van Heusen dress shirts.
Que Humor!


Bizzniss in tha front...
Mull It Over
...Party in Tha Back!


Some Sco-Jo for the faithful.
Oh Miss Scarlett...


Thanks Metafilter
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Thighmaster
Thanks Justin

Comments: 0
Sunday, November 06, 2005

"No More Times!!!" 

thank you Grand Rapids!


Uh...Chuck? Where's that other hand?
Dear Getty Images, I am not making money off of this photo, so please don't sue me.


Coolest bald guy ever John Hollis (A.K.A. Lobot from the Empire Strikes Back) has gone on to that great Cloud City in the sky.
I tip my blue milk to you, homie....


Attention MySpace user Willie Upshaw: Who the fuck are you? I know that's not your real name, but I cannot figure out who you are. That is why I have not added you as one of my friends.

Attention anyone else on MySpace: If you are using a MySpace name that is cute/ironic/pop-cultural and you have absolutely no actual information about yourself or photos of yourself and you want to be cyberpals with me, you need to send me an e-mail saying "hey, y'know that Count Ghooly-Saddle-Pantaloons friend invite you got? Despite the fact that the site in no way has any identifiable information about me, I expected you would know it is actually me" and then I will go "Oh, Ok."

Attention my awesome friends that have Friendster accounts and keep sending me invitations to join: I don't have a Friendster account, and I dont think I will ever have one, so just send me regular e-mails and I will reply to you that way. We can be friends like the olden days.

End of Message.


Best Borat Quotes from the European MTV Music Awards.
Borat following Madonna's performance :: "That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away."


Yesterday it was all about the BoobWall, today it is about The Meat Curtain.
from blah to brilliant..


I got quoted in an article about Wilco in the Ann Arbor paper on Saturday.
Basically I just complain about their noisy stuff.




Hey, does anybody have the second season of Lost on tape or TiVo or anything? PJ and I are all caught up with Season One now and I gotta catch up with the first four episodes of this season pronto. Free pizza and beer if we can come over to your house for about four hours and mooch off of your DVR. Lemme know.
Offer not eligible to people who live in California.


Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Jared
Thanks Dana

Comments: 0
Thursday, November 03, 2005


This clever lingerie company has constructed an entire wall of silicon breasts in different sizes so that men can determine what size Cans their wives and/or girlfriends have.

(I think it's that blue thing in the background that looks like a wall of boobs)

Although I'm not sure I'd want to work at a store where men wander in and just grope the walls...
I bet they've got to be wiped down with disinfectant pretty often.


If you wanna see Jeff Daniels get really uncomfortable, watch him on The Colbert Report, where Steven Colbert grills him about living in Chelsea and whether the Chelsea Standard is a better newspaper than the Dexter Leader.
"The Dexter Leader's a rag, right? C'mon...Liberal elites live in Dexter!"


The iPod "is changing the way we store, carry, and use all kinds of information—and the way we interact with each other" according to this upcoming book. More great stuff here.
Playlist anxiety and pruning There are few better barometer’s of someone’s character than their music collection, but until recently you had to be invited to their home to get a look at it. In other words, before the iPod and iTunes, getting such an intimate peek into a person’s soul required, well, a certain level of intimacy. But now people are exposing their taste in music—or hopeless lack thereof—at workplaces, college campuses and coffee shops, thanks to iTunes’s ability to share music over a network. Similarly, a quick gander at someone’s iPod reveals the same information.

This has lead to a new kind of music snobbery called playlistism. Music snobs amuse themselves by laughing at a colleague’s collection of showtunes, or the hopelessly pretentious jazz of the goatee-ed guy at the other end of the dorm. The flipside of this phenomenon is a new kind of fear, playlist anxiety, or worrying what other people will think of you based you your music. For some people this fear is significant enough that, knowing that others might be looking, they groom their collections to put them in the best possible light. Playlist anxiety has led to playlist pruning. (This isn’t just speculation, either. Researchers in Palo Alto recently studied office workers and found many were anxious about their image as revealed by their music library—and managed it appropriately.)


Awesome spam :

Haven't the computer programmers already practiced shaving?.
The science teachers practiced fighting..


Haven't the computer programmers already practiced shaving?.
Did those bus drivers regret singing?.
Were those pilots practicing praying?.
That pilot is missing surfing..

Isn't that the new plotline for Lost?


Speaking of Lost, more snarky comments about KrinkleFace (and the rest of the cast of Lost)
Oh my God, Kate has another expression besides gazing pensively into the horizon! Give this girl an Emmy!
The ubiquitous hanging tendril MUST END NOW!


1518 Days until they're Legal!!!1!1!!


From Scooter Libby’s novel The Apprentice:

“At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.”

...and that's where Donald Trump got the idea for his TV show.




Thanks Matt
Thanks Chris
Thanks Goody
Thanks Rob
Thanks K

Comments: 0
Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Gotta keep the medical professionals at St. Joes happy. 

Some things make me think there are still smart people in the world. McSweeny's is one of those things.
Here is an open letter to Dick Cheney.

Let me express my condolences for the loss of your chief of staff, Lewis "Scooter" Libby. With all true Americans, I recognize the valuable service Mr. Libby performed for you and the country, particularly the oil companies, over the past five years, and the key role he played in helping to create the democratic paradise of today's Iraq. Certainly history will smile upon his contributions and gloss over the baseless charges brought against him by political partisans. (Perjury? Come on! It's not like the guy got a blowjob ...)

In the meantime, obviously, you will be in need of a new chief of staff, so let me get right to the point: I'm your man.

My qualifications are as follows:

1. I am pure evil. I can provide letters of reference from former girlfriends, as well as from my previous landlord, to attest to this fact.

It obvi-lariously continues after that.




Did you say you wanted to see a guy from the '80s combining skateboarding and the fruitiness of ice dancing? Really? Huh. 'Cause I coulda swore you did.
Some banner ads may be NSFW,unless you REALLY want to find a Lady Friend for sex in the Chicago area, in which case this may be the perfect site for you.


This Trek nerd badly Photoshops celebrities to look like Orion Slave girls (meaning he takes Maxim and Stuff photo shoots and applies the Green filter to them).
Dork-tacular that Charisma Carpenter is among the first ones he put into Orion Green slavery.

Whoa! If you paste this phrase: Trek nerd badly Photoshops celebrities to look like into Firefox's address bar, you get this page about Watermelon Mishaps.
The world is a disturbing place.


So I was looking at these photos of Evangeline Lilly kissing Dominic Monaghan and I accidentally blurted out "Whoa! I didn't know Charlie was going out with anybody from Lost, let alone The Good One" which prompted PJ to ask first: "The Good One, huh?" and then go into this awesome dissertation on how Kate always makes this totally goofy "Krinkly Face" like she's concerned and skeptical at the same time, and if you watch Lost, you'll totally be laughing right now, because that's totally true...she's always like "Oh really Sawyer/Jack/Claire? I feel your pain but am also a complex human being with my own twists and turns, but here is a face that shows confusion and empathy."
Best girl around. ...The one I'm married to, not "The Good One"


Again: WHOA! Old skool footage of Rodney Mullen, by far my favorite skater of all time. Yeah, that's right, get that air, Christian Hosoi, spin in circles Tony Hawk, do that cool new thing, new guy who isn't from 1985, you will never be able to touch Rodney Mullen who freestyled like a renaissance painter whose palate was making you say "Oh My God! He did NOT just do that!"
Bros: Powell Peralta 4evar


Got Weed? Denver says Too Cool, Man!
Sweetheart, pack the bags.



Anybody I know who shows up to this Grand Rapids 'Sleeper gig gets free beer all night.
I'm not even fucking kidding.
Uh... members of my own band not included.


Thanks as always Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Kelly
Thanks Jared
Thanks Ryan

Comments: 0
Tuesday, November 01, 2005


I was at a stoplight on Maple and Scio Church road today and I watched this jogger with an iPod waiting at the same light. He jogged in place and kept hitting the shuffle button on his iPod. Over and over with each hit, I saw him shake his winter-capped head as if to say "Nope, not Cat Stevens [click]...Nope, not Nick Drake [click]...Nope, not David Gray [click]" until I finally saw him smile, nod his head and say "Yeah, that's my Jam!" and take off when the light turned green.

I thought "There's gotta be a better way."

You should be able to hit one button on your consumer electronic device and have it bring back exactly what you're looking for, whether you're jogging in traffic or trying to get some on a Saturday's technology should make it easy for you.

That guy's particular jam was in there, but it took him fifteen or twenty bad hits until he got to where he needed to be. We're smarter than that, people. This should be available to everyone. The iPod has revolutionized the way we listen to music (and don't let anyone tell you different, they are uninformed) and that little round wheel doesn't do nearly enough.

P.S. I've been drinking and may be going out of my fucking mind.

Comments: 0

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