.:DataWhat?:.

Ah, the Oscars.
Hollywood's night to shine with pageantry, honor, beauty, art, and grace.

Plus, did you see the cans on Sidney Lumet's daughter?

I dunno if that's Amy Lumet or Jenny Lumet...hell, it might be both of 'em!


More Here and Here

::

Pretty great Oscar play-by-play by GoldenFiddle.
"If I ever see Cate BlanCHETT, I’m going to call her Cate BLANchett."

::

Sara Hall has some good Oscar notes as well.
And I agree with you, Sco-Jo looked really weird...like her hair was done by birds...

However, during the "Science and Technical Awards" section she looked pretty amazing



::

Other photos:

Hillary Swank: like a superhero with boobs...and horse teeth.

Salma and Penelope.

Natalie (so cute but with weird bird cleavage...all bony n' junk.)

and finally Adam "Sideshow-Bob-Rutebega-Head" Duritz (who somehow used to sleep with Courtney Cox).

::

Good joke from Steve's Grandma:

THE SPOON AND STRING

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

::

Three more Fiona Apple songs have snuck out. They're really really good.
Sony, you morons.

::

Nice Star Wars graffiti.
"There is information I placed into this R2 unit..."

::

Midi music generated by hamsters.
What do you mean that sounds like a terrible idea? Didn't you hear me when I said Hamsters!?!

::

Nah, I take it back, she never looks weird.


::

Thanks Matt
Thanks Chris
Thanks Steve
Thanks Kelly
Thanks ThighsWideShut


Comments: 0

Big show next week.

::

Brian and I (but mostly Brian) were asked by the rockists at MotorCityRocks.com to put together a list of who's hot at the Hamtramck Blowout next week. This is what you will be doing. No, you shut your mouth. This is what you'll be doing:

Wednesday

9:00     Dorkwave
At last year’s launch party Rob Theakston repeatedly stole Labatt Blues for me from Saturday Looks Good To Me’s dressing room. This year he and his sexy friends will spin KISS next to Big Black next to TV On The Radio downstairs at the Garden Bowl and I will steal my beers directly from him.



Thursday

9:00     His Name Is Alive @ New Dodge
HNIA has been suspiciously quiet as of late...too quiet. And they’re playing with Farq Z. Bey? I don’t know that that is, but I think that’s probably worth the 10 bucks right there.

10:15    The Prime Ministers @ Baker's Streetcar
The Prime Ministers are, bar none, the most underrated band in Detroit. The PMs are what you hoped that last Romantics record would have sounded like. Jimmy Marinos wishes he could write a song half as good as “Sunday Volume”.

11:30    Powertrain @ Knights of Columbus
Scott Morgan’s Powertrain has been criminally overlooked in this garage rock obsessed town. He’s the real deal kids, go see how it’s supposed to be done.

12:45    Devin Scillian @ Adam's Corner Bar
How could you not go to this show? I mean seriously!



Friday

9:00     Tenley @ Baker's Streetcar (if I wasn't at my show)
Kinda neat early 90’s Teen Beat-ish indie rock. Sounds sorta like Unrest mashed up with the third Velvet Underground record. Bring a backpack and a pair of Keds.

10:15    25 Suaves @ Knight's of Columbus
The Suaves are loud. Really fucking loud. They make Motörhead sound like the fucking Go Go’s. This show will cleanse your soul as well as your colon.

11:30     American Cosmos @ Adam's Corner Bar
Cool, early 70’s, female fronted, alt.country from Lansing. Kinda like if Emmylou had sung all of Gram Parson’s songs. Also, we harbor a not-so-secret crush on Carra.

11:30    The Avatars @ Small's
I think everybody is aware by now how cool the Avatars are. Anything I say is just preaching to the choir at this point. See you there.

12:45    Great Lakes Myth Society @ Polish Sea League
Jesus Christ. Have you seen these guys? Brilliant five-part harmonies, heartwrenching songs of drunken passion and geography lessons. Their new album drops in March so they’re liable to be all fired up and simply brimming over with Strohs-fuled energy. It is obligatory to say that they used to be called The Original Brothers and Sisters of Love but now they’re stripped-down, louder, and ready to make you wish you were a better songwriter.



Saturday

9:00     The Vamps @ New Dodge
Ok, so they’ve gotten some hype without having to play too many shows. Hell, I’m into ‘em and I haven’t heard a single note. The concept is as fantastic as it is simple, cute girls playing rock ‘n roll. I’ll see you there pervert.

10:15    The Offramps @ Outer Limits
The 'Ramps are kinda like an early 90’s punkrock Asia. Consisting of expatriates from Slugbug, Culture Bandits and The Holy Cows, they play a brand that’s sort of Superchunk making out with Cheap Trick while two-stepping to The Drive By Truckers. The Offramps don’t play out often enough so you should make sure you see this one.

11:30    The Hard Lessons @ Knights of Columbus
It's rare when a band that everybody loves is actually a really great band. The Hard Lessons are such a band. They remember what it’s like to be thirteen and hear ‘Satisfaction’ for the very first time. And that’s what a Lessons show is like. It’s like hearing your favorite band for the very first time over and over again. I feel sorry for whoever has to follow them. I’ve been that guy and it’s no picnic.

12:45    The Sights @ Knights of Columbus
Their sound has been gravitating toward a more organ-based groove, and if they’re playing any of the songs off of the new album, prepare to have your hair torn out. In fact, only bald people should show up at this show, so shave your head and come out. You’ll already be at the Hard Lessons show anyway, so just stay there.

::

Rhino and Ryko to remaster the Replacements catalog.
Thank God, the CD issue of "Let It Be" sounds terrible

::

-----Original Message-----

From: Coppers K. Deflection [mailto:fulfil@juergreist-ag.ch]
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 10:30 PM
To: Zacjoh
Subject: Reply: Real Married Wmeon wet pussy

Have at you!

Y ke amaneskas
Pleased to meet you!

Hamba kahle
Surprise surprise!

Cualli ca quin occepa

::

Agassi and Federer play at the top of their game:


In preparation for the Dubai Duty Free Men’s Open, tennis legend, Andre Agassi and the world No. 1, Roger Federer, couldn’t resist the temptation to have a friendly knock about on the world’s highest tennis court, the helipad of Burj Al Arab, the world’s most luxurious hotel.

::

Five things you don’t want to hear from someone emerging from a bathroom after 35 minutes

1. Do you have a snake and maybe a bunch of old towels?
2. Man. Should’ve checked that one for a heartbeat.
3. I used up all your matches.
4. You guys insured?
5. Wooo! The bitch is back!

::

Thanks Lee
Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Golden Fiddle
Thanks Brian


Comments: 0

This is kind of a brilliant little movie about a puppeteer who dies and all of his puppets who attempt to keep him alive.
Kind of like "Weekend at Bernies" meets "Eraserhead" as performed by the Muppets...but good.

::

More tsunami photos have surfaced. I guess this couple's camera was found and these images were found on their memory card.


man, that's a whole lot of water...

::

I think AMG needs a ConferenceBike.
Imagine the icebreaking capabilities!

::

Making a return appearance: Rock and Roll Confidential's Hall of Douchebags.
Dave Below's favorite:

::

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is an older guy in his mid-sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.

About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the old guy and asks, "Can you top that?"

The old guy replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."

::

Buncha Episode III photos were leaked. Certain to be spoilers in here.
I wouldn't know since I didn't look.

::

This lady gave a guy a beejer, kept the...deposit...and impregnated herself without his consent. And now, you guessed it, she sued him for child support. New he wants to counter-sue for emotional distress.
In my opinion, since he's forced to pay her $800 a month in child support, she should have to pay him $800 a month in emotional support. That'll show her.

::



::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Earl
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Mark
Thanks David
Thanks Steve


Comments: 0

That sexy cad Rob Theakson gives props to the new Porchsleeper demos on his site. Thanks buddy.

For those of you not in my office, we went into Jim Roll's Backseat Studios, to bang out a quick three songs to hand to interested labels at the upcoming Detroit music festivals, and lemme tell you: Jim's the real deal. His studio environment is laid-back enough to allow for us to put away a 30-pack of Peebs while Derek was wearing one of Laura's bras, but still stocked with enough nice microphones, classic amps, and choice compressors to create a warm but big rock sound. 13 hours later we walked outta there with five songs that all four of us are pretty proud of.

Come out to the Belmont during the Hamtramck Blowout and witness our rock fury for yourself.

Thanks Jimmer.

::

New Top Ten Terrible Album Covers list:



Note: Karatist and Preacher.

::

Have you ordered a Pizza lately? Since the Patriot Act was passed? This sketch goes into a worst case scenario of info overload.
Total Information Awareness.

::

Big ups to my Uncle Grambo whose blag Whatevs.org ranked 3rd in Spin Magazine's Best Blog category.
I expect to be hostilely taken-over into the all-powerful DataWhatevs any day now.

::

The guitarist from Korn has found God and is quitting the band.
Hmmm, I didn't even know God was lost...

::

Steve's favorite Calvin & Hobbes comic:



::

Oh, Miss Scarlett.
sigh

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Steve
Thanks Bob
Thanks Earl


Comments: 0

Site of the Day
Some brilliant and adventurous drunks improve their lousy vodka using a a Brita filter and the Scientific Method!
"Also recorded was the start and end time of the filtering process. We noted a loss of vodka through spillage (for my science homies)."

::

This guy worked at a computer tech center and documented some of the stupid things people did


Uh...this is not how "Buying Things on the Internet" actually works.

::

This lady auctioned her child's name on eBay.
You might think I'm kidding when I say the child's name is Golden Palace Casino.

::

Some good Knock Knock Jokes about famous People:

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Richard Dreyfuss.
Richard Dreyfuss who?
Richard Dreyfuss crazy with that loud music.

::

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when He sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $185.00
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

::

I dunno nuthin' about the Fruitcake Lady but she says some craaaaazy shit.

and she sounds like my Grandma.

::

Ye Gods! Every Calvin & Hobbes comic strip EVER!.
Well, there goes three or four hours...

::

Thanks Dan
Thanks Earl
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy


Comments: 0

Hunter S. Thompson...he's D.Y.K.

“There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production.
Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

::

Buncha people had their phone info hacked into. America's Po' lil' rich girl Paris Hilton was one of 'em.
The thing that amazes me most is the sheer number of photos of herself she kept on her phone. Naked ones aside, it's just like her face two hundred times.

::

Eat red meat. Feel Good.
The "Rock On With Red Meat" one is funny.

::

With these Rock Fonts, band flyers will never be dull again.
Hey Brian, there's that Thin Lizzy font you wanted.

::

Pretty good parody of Christo's "Gates" project.
More here.

::

Nice photos of the writing on the wall here:



::

Oh, Miss Scarlett.
Why don't we get "Harpers & Queen" magazine here?

::

Thanks Horkulated
Thanks Sara
Thanks Goody
Thanks Chris
Thanks Dan
Thanks Lee
Thanks for the quote, Golden Fiddle


Comments: 0

-----Original Message-----
From: Pimpernel T. Bloodthirsty [mailto:Zibo@bamby.kiev.ua]
Sent: Friday, February 18, 2005 9:28 AM
Subject: Up and doing!

How about your good self?
Moztla nimitzittaz occepa

uh....ok.

::

The Must-Have iPod Accessory


currently only $5 on eBay.

::

Microsoft does its part to rip families apart by offering a Teen Online Chat glossary:
Mistakes are often uncorrected. Common typing misspellings (or typos) such as "teh" instead of "the" are left uncorrected and may be adopted to replace the correct spelling.

::

My new favorite show: SUPER SEIZURE ROBOTS!!!:
Insert laser noise here.

::

Rob found this incredible list of errors and glitches in Beatles songs:

You Never Give Me Your Money
0:29 Short breath is taken.
3:08 Someone picks up a tambourine, left side.

Fascinating! If you're a dork ... and I am.

::

I wish there was a site that rated and gave descriprions for all of the different kinds of bum wine like MadDog 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose...
Oh good, here's one:

::

I wonder how many naked Japanese girls could be crammed into a phone booth...
Oh good, now I know:

::

I'm certain that this is Ryan Adams poking fun at himself, but it's pretty well done.
Click here, then scroll over the bottom of the picture until white text shows up, then click on the text.
"How many albums are you planning on releasing this year, Ryan?"
"I dunno...six or seven...you mean in addition to Helicopter Soup?"

::


I play that game.


::

Along with a sloshingly good picture of Rob Theakston, Matt Tobey's file mishmash project is now featuring the treasured AMG List of Funny Band Names:

Among My Favorites:
Porn Orchard
Mario Speedwagon
Emerson Scabby Robe
Humpy Bong
Dr. Ola "Bottle Up The Ass" Larsson
Mr. Horribly Charred Infant
Butterscotch Tuna
Fistfuck U.S.A.
Liberace Coughs Up Blood
Anus the Menace
Onward Crispin Glover
Heisenberg's Uncertain Tea Principle
I Can Lick Any Son Of A Bitch In The House

...and so many others.

::

Thanks Lee
Thanks Lack
Thanks Rob
Thanks Bob
Thanks David
Thanks Derek
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy


Comments: 0

Dunno what to make of this Sony webpage for Kris Kross...while it looks like terrible old html, the title page says "Kris Kross Loves Bloggers"
Viral marketing? Or just further proof that those two hip-hoppin kids can predict the future? Hmmmm?

::

I dunno if you've seen the photo of "Moshing Girl" yet:



As if that isn't awesome enough, there are crazy fuckers out there photoshopping it to be even funnier.

::

Here's footage of Harry Shearer and Dan Castellaneta on Conan, doing a bunch of Simpsons voices.
See, Homer eats Mr. Burns' tongue depressors...oh you just gotta see it.

::

Round 2: GoogleFight!
Appropriately enough, The Flu beat Zac Johnson by a wide margin.

::

There are a lot of really nice images on this website... This one in particular.
To tell the truth, I feel kinda bad for liking it, but it is so stark and honest it really hits me.

::

New StrongBad e-mail.
I think I'm gonna puke my pants.

::



Goody keeps bringin' the quality visual images.
He also does album art, so all you DJs who are releasing albums in Japan, drop him an e-mail.

::

Thanks Matt
Thanks Goody
Thanks NYC Get a J-O-B
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Horkulated


Comments: 0

i'm on so many cold medications right now, I shouldn't even be operating Simple machinery
...like inclined planes and pulleys and stuff...

::

Thanks DayQuil


Comments: 0

Best new thing:
E-mail whatever weird crap is on your hard drive to FileMishmash@gmail.com and Matt Tobey will post 'em up on his site.
Jpegs, notepad files, MP3s...kinda like Found Magazine but possibly nerdier.

P.S. "Polygamy Portal"?

::

Aw nuts. Jimmy Smith the Jazz Organist died.
Nobody ever tells me anything.

::


iClick here

::

Things you think but don't say while on a mushroom trip with Michael Keaton

"Now that is a silly idea."

"Wait, where is my camera? Where are my shoes? Where are -- oh, whoa."

"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"

"His eyes are so big. They look like... like... nipples. Hee hee. Weird."

"Parasailing would be nice right now. Is it parasailing or paragliding? What's the difference? Well, it'd be nice just to be elevated."

"Don't blink. Don't think about blinking. You have to win this. Don't blink. Don't think about blinking. Don't blink. You have to-"

"Hey, he's not Batman."

"When did I get so hungry? When we started talking about artichokes? How long ago was that? Why were we talking about artichokes? Is it because we were hungry? Are we hungry? Well, I am. When did I get so hungry?"

"Michael says things that he doesn't really understand, just to say them. It's like his words had to be said, but no one else was willing to say them. He is that special kind of genius who always says the exactly correct thing at every moment, but he is so supremely at ease with his fluid grace that he has no sense of self-awareness, only the beauty of his own bliss. The bastard."

"I wish he would stop laughing like that."

::

Continuing with yesterday's animal theme, here is a bird that makes weird noises.
Really weird noises.

::

Not the usual .:DataWhat?:. fare, but this guy can unload a round of 8 bullets in less than a second.
He also does something amazing with shooting, reloading, and then shooting again in like 2.9 seconds...I don't really get it, but man is it impressive.

::

A site that lets you build your own snowflake.
well...ok, but I still hate winter.

::

These girlfriendless nerds spend their time building pretty cool Lego versions of M.C. Escher artworks.
The one that is most impressive is the one they cheated on. I was a little disappointed.

::

Data Processing Party Friday!!!

Like every year in the middle of February, we, at the Data Processing department, are celebrating the new year and we organise the most crazy party in the city!!!

Leave all your taboos at home and come join us in the craziest, funkiest, out-of-limits party of the year. Take your time to prepare youself for the wild, bombastic night that will free your deepest instincts.

We do it Data Jockey-style, so get in the mood!

We are attaching a picture of last year's party, so you get an idea of what you should be expecting...


Data What?

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Gizmodo
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Dan
Thanks PJ
Thanks Unguent.com


Comments: 0

This kooky monkey may in fact have a death wish.
Marvel as this crazy ass Monkey swings down and actually punches tigers.
No shit. Actually punching the tigers. And I though Clyde from "Every Which Way But Loose' was tough.

::


Team Zissou Adidas available here.

::

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

::

Modify your iTunes to be your own radio station.
Well, there goes several hours of my life.

::

Funniest Thing of the Day
This guy found some freshman papers in the hallway of the community college, and decided to grade them.
Oh, and apparently UT Austin's admissions department is just a turnstile with a quarter slot...

::

This is what it would be like if The Bang was held in an elevator.
Is that Jeremy?
P.S. Love Bang this Saturday.

::

Remember that one time that you were doing acid and all of those people were drinking Afri-Cola and nuns were having orgasms?

Dude, that wasn't acid! That was This 1968 commercial.

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Paul
Thanks Chris
Thanks Skyler
Thanks Dan


Comments: 0

Know who's my new best friend? Steve Hall is my new best friend.
Wanna know why? Because he knows I love Lee Morgan's "The Rumproller" and when Blue Note put out a frickin' sweet-ass t-shirt (in brown) with the album's image on it, he bought one for me.

Yes my friendshp can be bought. Look how sweet this t-shirt is!!!

::

Actually, I am really glad that t-shirt arrived today 'cause the day started out really shitty. So since PJ is sick, I get up at 6:45 and take the dog out. Well it was warm yesterday and then a light snow fell overnight, so when my sleepy heel hit our icy concrete steps, my world got suddenly very different. All of the sudden I was looking up at the still-dark sky. I could feel my heel skim over the top of each of the four hard poured-cement steps as they skipped by me. I had just enough time to twist like a salmon forcing his way upstream before bouncing once off of the steps, rebounding and landing on the sidewalk. As I laid on the walk, gathering my wits, sensing for blood loss and broken bones, I look over and not only is the dog urinating without a care in the world, she's sort of casually glancing over her shoulder as if to say "Uh...do you mind keeping it down? I'm kinda working on something right here."

Where's my Man's Best Friend?

Where's my Saint Bernard bounding through the snow
with that little wooden barrel of sweet, sweet brandy under his chin?

Nope.

Whizzing.

So anyway I dust myself off and creak my way back into the house thinking two things:

1. I'm really glad that it was me that took the spill and not Penny. A sick, sleep-deprived black belt is not someone I would like to deal with after she takes a cement-meets-ice tumble at 6:45 in the morning.

2. Thank you Christian Hosoi, Steve Caballero, Lance Mountain, Per Welinder, Mike McGill, Tony Alva, and to a lesser extent Tony Hawk, for teaching me how to take a fall when the deck slips out from under me. If not for my experience from 1983-1988 on a skateboard, I'm certain that I would have died this morning. While was in the air, by body (still!) miraculously shifted so that I landed on my hip and upper shoulder instead of splitting open my skull/tailbone/spine/anything. Now I'm left with only a sore shoulder and a black-and-blue hip (it's pretty awesome...stop by the office and I'll show you) as opposed to a trip to the hospital (or a six-foot deep hole). So the thing I thought of there, on the pavement in a lightly falling snow, was that if Penny and I ever have kids, on their eighth birthday they get skateboards. Not that I want them to work their way up to the Boom Boom Huck Jam, but at some point, when they're in their early 30s out walking their dog, maybe it will save their life.


::

The folks on the message boards for Steve Albini's studio loooooove the AMG.
We get a solid NOT CRAP! rating!!

::

What could be cuter than an iPod? Legos you say? How 'bout a little lego guy with an iPod?
Huh? Cute, huh?

::

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says, "Pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest." but already we can hardly keep up with the
interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. And he's gotten religious in a big way, although I don't quite understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

And now he has been going to the gym an awful lot and is into wearing uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think what that means.

Finally the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.

It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC


Dear Lost:
Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years.

::


The scan doesn't really do it justice, but this Memphis Slim LP has a really sweet cover.
It's all blue (like The Blues, gettit?) except for this soft-boiled egg in the middle of the frame...

Steve-o, be on the look out for a t-shirt.

::

Ha! Right now I'm watching 60 Minutes and not only am I seeing Dave Feeny's goofy face playing pedal steel on this Loretta Lynn feature , but I can also see the Orange amp that Derek played through on the Porchsleeper record.

On 60 Minutes!

See the amp (and Dave, and the video for "Portland, Oregon") here

::

Thanks Earl
Thanks Paul
Thanks Mark
Thanks again Steve


Comments: 0

This just in: Superman is a Dick.


and what the hell is this about?

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If Steven Wright and Pauly Shore had a baby, it would sound like Mitch Fatel.
This joke about Muffins is well worth the trip.

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Vanity Fair's Women of Hollywood 2005.
Oh, is Scarlett Johannson in there? i didn't even notice.

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OK, so today I was talking with Dan about making sure the Sony Connect linking table is talking to "the Log," and I included a photo of the Log Lady from Twin Peaks, right? so not five minutes later Lee e-mails me with the Twin Peaks 12 days of Christmas, and just now I look over at Whatevs.org and Grambo's got two different things about Twin Peaks!
The owls are not what they seem.

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A four-year-old kid was busted by the cops for driving to the video store at 1:30 in the morning to go rent a video game.
What do you expect? The kid lives north of Grand Rapids, there's nothin else to do.

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Thanks Ben
Thanks Matthew
Thanks Goody
Thanks Lee
Thanks Miss Mapping


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Band-to-Band is kinda like the Kevin Bacon game, but with musicians and bands.
There are exactly 16 steps between Black Flag and Crowded House, but they unfortunately go through Michael Schenker...so that shouldn't really count.

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Pictures from porn magazines without the naked people


"Very erotic"

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Feel left out at the water cooler because you missed some Super Bowl commercials? oh, here they are:

Recommended:
#4 - Burt Reynolds and a bear.
(Grambo hated it, it made me laugh when the bear kicked Burt Reynolds in the groin...I am but a simple beast.)

#7 - GoDaddy Ad (Simply because it looks really poorly done and out of place).

#14 - Old Man Henkins Never Throws Back (directed by Spike Lee, it turns out).

#26 - Killing the Cat (possibly best of the night).

and anything with a monkey.

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Top Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down
by David Letterman

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped...

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

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This Daily Show guy had some pretty good advice for Paul McCartney's halftime show.
"Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da": Is there something you can say after "life goes on" that's not "bra"? The word still makes us a little nervous around here. Thanks.

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There's a Pinball Art Exhibition at EMU's Ford Hall.
Best part: I just got to hear Dr. Rubenfeld on NPR!

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Pretty hotshot new system for running wireless audio through your house
from an MP3 player or other non-conventional audio device.

plus I am a huge dork 'cause I would rather look at this picture than pictures of Scarlett Johannson


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Aw... who am I kidding?

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Thanks Ben
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Goody
Thanks Sean
Thanks Chris


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29 things that Michael Jackson Looks More Like Than a Human Being.
1. Stalactites AND stalagmites
2. If they ever made an evil "my little pony"
3. Volcanic "something"

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Goody stumbled across this tiny glimpse into a 28-year old mother's life.
Not something I would usually get into, but the posts "unidentified urine," "Cheap coke," and "PFS" are really great.

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Headline of the Year:

Central Fla. Officer Charged With Posing As Officer

The story isn't all that interesting, but somebody oughta call Leno and let him know about that kooky headline!

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Here is a totally weird movie about how to run a forklift...but it's in German and shows all of the wrong things to do with a forklift like decapitating people and somehow cutting them in half with chainsaws.
but they talk all weird, and that makes it even funnier.

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Thanks David
Thanks Goody
Thanks Sam
Thanks Exquisite Dead Guy
Thanks Horkulated


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Currently listening to the new Great Lakes Myth Society record.

bear with me...

So beautiful. Starts out with just Jamie and an acoustic guitar, then Liz, then builds from there. "The Salt Trucks" contains probably what is the most subtly elaborate bass playing performed by a Michigander, at least in the past ten years...I can't rememeber who the bass player from Grand Funk Railroad was, but Scott's better.

The album really starts with Tim's song "Across the Bridge." I remember the time that Porchsleeper played with TOBASOL at the Heidelberg, and Liz played her little violin decends with sooo much delay that it sounded like Valkries coming out of the sky and the whole band was totally laughing, but it sounded so cool that some of that echo made it through to the final recording. The little vocal breakdown is so beautiful, and even Fido gets to blast his angel-pipes for a change.

Oh, Greg. I am so glad "Love Story" finally made it onto the recording. It starts so subtly with your emotive croak and banjo (Jamie? Jimmer?) and then busts into the full band bop until the sweet sweet harmony bits. Lovely bridge, back in with bravado, and the little falsetto bit you do over the final choruses are probably my favorite part of the whole album. Thank you Fido for the sleigh bells.
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh oooh.
Oh James, so wry. Is everything so serious? "The old shops beneath them awaken?" Very ominous. Perfectly so. The summer's coming storm. Every time PJ and I listen to this song in the car, she thinks it's a real siren and looks for the ambulance. I'll see you at the fair on Ann Street.

Ah, the Fender reverb rattle crash, Someday kids will learn of Jim Hawkins and Paul Bunyon by listening to this song. I am amazed by Greg's off-beat guitar jumps in the verses, and the low-end in the breakdown literally rattled my teeth. Crashes like none other. Penny's favorite song.

I ate lunch at that little diner. They have photos of Duke Ellington and Jimmy Stewart on the walls. Hi Pat. Your piano sounds good.

I have to admit, the roughs I heard of "Seeds for Sale" always got so abrasive and scary at the chorus I never quite got it. I always felt scared for Liz. All blackboard and fingernail. Now I get it. You need that to temper the British-by-way-of New-Zealand traditional folk verse. Make a run for the highway and leave them behind.

Best use of a chromatic harmonica since "Red-Headed Stranger" by Willie Nelson. So much great bass tone, sweeping and arching and aching. Why cry when you can be in Michigan on Halloween? It was fun seeing you in the parade Tim.

"Isabella County, 1992" is the best song on the album (Mike Goodale agrees), and possibly the best song you've ever written. That totally insane shape-note bridge, and the vehemence and passion behind Jamie's justification for going to college up there...the regal Melodica and the finality of the chorus. So good.

"No. VI" has really crept into my consciousness. I admit I didn't have a lot of faith in it the first time I heard it, but it has evolved into this stark elaborate tone poem of railroad sound and tape noise, with chunky percussion and great harmonies. Yep.

I have seen The Northern Lights. This is exactly what they sound like. Spooky bridge, ELO pre-chorus, Bruce Springsteen saxophones, that build that never stops building until the searing horns tear the building from its foundation. It gets into your marrow.

After that song, you need one of Greg's cries for understanding and love from his fellow man. Oh good, here's one. This is melodically one of the best pre-choruses ever written. I remember Jennifer (who is a doctor of music something something now) heard the choruses on "Silent Apologies" she said "the truly great melodies are not written, but rather they are discovered" and I think Greg has done more melody excavating than anyone else I've ever met (except maybe Harry Nilsson, but I've never met him, so I guess there you go). I'm also glad they left in the little laughy bit at the beginning, and the super avant-jazz saxophone freakout. If this is the sound of Greg fucking up, I never want him to get it right.

"Railway Ties" is a sweet little toy piano song about how Liz misses Elliot when he was living in Pittsburgh. I think of you as I drink my malt liquor. A one and a half minute valentine.

then...KER-POW! a song about being drunk. Sprawling and double-tracked. There's an amazing use of cymbals in the bridge segment here, they almost sound backwards, or...something. Six dusty cottonmouths, I'll breathe the sweetest air.

The final song on the album went through several changes, one of which had each of the band members singing a verse, which was quite cute and a nice little postcard for the fans, but ultimately overwritten with a ghostly section with voices from dead radio voices reporting the statistics of Great Lakes shipwrecks, capped by a horn crescendo (Matt Collar? I think I hear you in there) and a great final chorus. For a long time this song scared me because it seemed so final...not just end-of-the-album final, but like end-of-the-band final...I'm gald that they could create a musical device that gives the listener the feel of a literary epilogue, but I'm also glad they are still around to play at the Elbow Room last weekend.

15 tales with very specific geographic and spiritual locations. Cold and embracing, stripped-down and elaborate, warm and mysterious, far-reaching and uncomplicated. Thanks guys, can't wait to see the packaging.

P.S. the typewriter has been drinking.

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Cringeworthy video of the 1984 introduction of the Macintosh by Steve Jobs.
Everyone is so dazzled by graphics that are more basic than the display screen on an iPod...screaming like it's the Beatles in 1964.

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Care to step into Gene Simmons' Boudoir? In it you'll find horribly photoshopped images of Gene Simmons form Kiss with a different celebrity in various (fake) states of undress. Is that all of Charlie's Angels in there? Did Liv Tyler and Natasha Henstridge carpool over to Gene's to be in the same photo? And the...simply unfathomable fake photo of Janeane Garofalo has to be seen to be believed (sorta...well, you know what I mean).
I would normally think this was the work of a thirteen-year-old boy, but something tells me it isn't.

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WARNING for Men

This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men.

What happens is that when you stop for a red light a young, nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield.

While she is doing this another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.

They are very good at this.

They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday.

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Rob found this crazy-ass car accident online.

I guess the car drove right up the guide wire from the ground to the telephone pole, propelling the vehicle upward onto the wires.

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Two new Search Engines:
Vivisimo which gives you sort of a cool 'tree' of related searches, and Gizoogle which is the shizzle.
Spinners in the "O"s and all.

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Thanks Collar
Thanks Rob
Thanks Earl
Thanks Lee


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It's the State of the Union Address Drinking Game!
Quite possibly the only way to make it through the whole thing.

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This woman was busted for selling Duff beer.

but somehow more are available on eBay

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McDonalds apparently approved the banner ads advertising a guy who wants to have sex with a cheeseburger.
I'd eat it.

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30 Things You Didn't Know About Your Office Tech Guy
by Francesco Marciuliano

He is so mindful of identity theft that he had his sperm encrypted.

He did play football and baseball as a kid...although both sports were prefaced with the words "Mattel Electronic."

He would, if given the opportunity, take a bullet for Linus Torvalds.

Even though you’ve called him "Danny" for the past three years, that’s still not his name.

Peanuts and dairy products could kill him.

If ThinkGeek.com went out of business he would be without T-shirts or coffee mugs within the week.

He was ecstatic to learn Jeri Ryan is single again.

Thanks to some tinkering he can now download video on both his iPod and Etch-A-Sketch.

He named his dog "Daggit."

His mother finds him to be quite the dancer.

His drinks, food, mints, hair gel, toothpaste and contact lens solution are all caffeinated.

He won’t shut the fuck up about Burning Man.

He does, in fact, have a girlfriend. And yes, they did meet once.

He cautiously awaits the American TV version of "Red Dwarf."

He will spend his vacation time playing "Halo 2."

He regularly sends instant messages to his roommates...even when they’re all sitting on the same couch.

He is, at this very moment, quoting "Office Space."

He plays keyboards for a band called "All Your Base Are Belong to Us."

Yes, that’s the same stain on his shirt as yesterday.

Although he is well aware of the dangers, he still secretly wishes he had a Tribble.

He can pinpoint exactly when Orson Scott Card "jumped the shark."

He does, on occasion, have sex without the use of an avatar.

He’s not sure if the blinds in his apartment can be opened.

He cannot believe you are still using Internet Explorer.

If he is over 35, he still masturbates to a mental image of "Col. Wilma Deering," a.k.a. actress Erin Gray.

He is online right now, reading this very article along with you on your PC.

He has made some minor adjustments to his pet cat, including installing Bluetooth.

His pin code number is "31337."

He’s not happy to see you. That actually is an Estes rocket in his pocket.

He is presently making note of all of this list’s inaccuracies on a Slashdot.org message board.

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Thanks Maeve
Thanks Jamnes
Thanks Sara
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Horkulated


Comments: 0

Resurrecting one of The Donk's classic favorites that Maeve never heard before: A couple years ago Ween were offered the chance to make a jingle for Pizza Hut's new "Hidden Cheese" pizza (or some crap like that) so they concocted a pretty catchy little jingle only to have it rejected by the company. So in response they recorded a second jingle with even more hilarity.

MP3 #1
Clever and catchy.

MP3 #2
Uh...maybe a little bitter, but funny.

"Where'd the cheese go? I Don't Know!"

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Aren't you a little bit mod for a stormtrooper?

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Hey look: Goody's got a blog.
Really nice visual art.

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Whoa! Here's a picture of My Dad without a beard!
I've known that guy for like 32 years and this is only the second time I've seen himm bald-faced.

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Here's a Budweiser commercial that won't be played during the Super Bowl.
A guy uses the halftime performer's wardrobe to open his beer, but part of it tears off! Then he can't fit it back on! And then a nation is thrown into a puritanical fervor over the human body! Where do they come up with this stuff?.

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A nostalgic look back at The Single which, thanks to iPods and terribly inflated albums with 71 minutes of filler, is now a thing of the past.
"It's hard to imagine how the present generation of youths will spend their late thirties, if not getting out the boxes of old singles and splashing them with vodka on a Saturday night. Perhaps those evenings will be spent re-downloading material they used to love."

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This is a really interesting sound piece where some artist took all of the words from G.W.'s 2002 State of the Union address and re-arranged them in alphabetical order.
The whole thing is 18 minutes long, but this segment is only like three minutes (letters A-B), but you do get to see a monkey say "America" about three hundred times.

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The Lost Choose Your Own Adventure Books:


"Ewww, that's one I hope I'd never finish"
-Penny Johnson

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Pretty cool footage of a Landslide as it is happening right by the camera.
You see all these trees just toppling like dominoes...pretty awesome.

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Thanks Dadid
Thanks Skyler
Thanks Miss Mapping
Thanks Jeremy
Thanks Big-Boys.com
Thanks MoistHappenings.com


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