.:DataWhat?:.

"This is the funiest Website I've ever seen"

                                                - George W. Bush


::

Here's that footage of the tornado that happened during a Japanese soccer game, now more interesting with the inclusion of Godzilla Sound Effects.

::

"Everybody loves this, everybody need this, time for funny stuuuufff!"
StrongBad E-mail about his Theme Park.
"Don't forget to experience the fury of our giiiift shopppp."

::

While Smash Mouth's song "All-Star" has appeared in every kids movie since 1979, their foul mouthed antics at a family fair may put any future appearances in Disney movies in jeopardy.

::

Dumb Michigan Laws:
Faves:
"Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited."
"It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday."
"It is illegal to paint sparrows and sell them as parakeets"

::

A little Japanese guy eats 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes.
Video here:

::

50 fun ways to fail an exam.

::

This guy is trying to sell Winnebagos but keeps swearing. Over and over and over again.
I don't want any more bullshit from anybody today, including me!"

::

Spam Zen:
twelve psychotic bright diffident gossamer spectral arcade
probabilist guise monteverdi thrombosis conic electro flagstone
adultery cede cylinder ire horatio abdominal decatur sonar
abdicate daughter tulip cinch spoon
hesperus frost starve carboxy acrimon

::


Thanks Fark
Thanks AnotherSite.uk


Comments: 0

Pop vs. Soda

Here's a map of who says Pop vs. Soda in the U.S. county by county.

::

Thanks to ePinions.com for this review of a #2 pencil.
Imagine what we would do without the internet...

::

I say fuck it, Let 'em go.

::

Maeve recommends that we try Beer Margaritas


"You and Penny should try these sometime. YUM. But take my advice... don't try 'em on a school night."

::

A surprisingly good medley of Radiohead songs done bluegrass-style: RodeoHead.

An unsurprisingly strange rock opera based on the movie Tron: "You're Inside The Computer Now"

::

A terrifyingly in-depth Map of Springfield.
Heh heh, "Crazy Vlaclav's Place of Automobiles."


::
Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash" and rinse."

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

::

I'm sorry, are these from a movie?
Or is Scarlet Johansson just that mind-crushingly beautiful every day?


Update from Blank00 in NYC: "that pic of scarlet you put up is at this cafe i go to as much as possible. i'm on the lookout now."
Scarlett Johansson photos

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks Lee
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Dan
Thanks Jamnes
Thanks Goody
Thanks Earl
Thanks ThatsJustNotRight.com


Comments: 0

AMG Prom Photos

Following the theme of yesterday's awesomely terrible Prom Photos, if you are an AMG employee, please send a scan of your most beautifully horrifying prom/homecoming/(or Snowball if you went to High School in Denmark) photos to me or Rob or Joslyn. If you have a photo but nothing digital, get it to Donn Stroud and he can scan it.

We'll will post 'em up on a site for the shared hilarity of all.

"frankly my senior homecoming hair is the most hilarious/enormous of all."
                                               - Joslyn Layne

::

It looks like the guy who was in charge of putting together the limited edition "My So Called Life" lunchbox and DVD of bonus materials has been arrested for fraud.
Hmmm...I wondered why the bonus DVD I ordered three years ago never showed up...

::


                                          Jon Ball?

::

"You're The Man Now, Captain Picard."

::

"You're The Man Now, Singing Loaves of Bread."

::

I read about this recording of Alvin Lucier's "I Am Sitting in a Room" in a review of Wilco's new record in Paste Magazine. I guess Lucier recorded an 80 second statement, then played it back and recorded it, then played that back and recorded it, again and again. The decay of the sound is really fascinating.
Those in-house should AudioReview it.
15 minute MP3 available Here:


::

Chicago Steve Hall sends this article about Celebrity iTunes Playlists entitled:
                         Beyoncé, Your Mix Tape Sucks.
Excerpt:
The liner notes to wild-eyed rawker Andrew W.K.'s playlist sport a delightful exclamation-point-to-sentence ratio of 1.27-to-1. And I can't think of a better summation of Avril Lavigne than her exegesis of Alanis Morissette's "Ironic": "I love how this song was written with all the different examples Alanis uses of things being ironic."


::

Benjamin Wyatt Vertin born 10:15 last night.
Derek says Susan and baby are both in good shape.

::

This is a hilarious 404 Error page.
Really funny. Hit it!

::



::

Thanks Dadid
Thanks Chicago Steve Hall
Thanks Rob
Thanks Kelly


Comments: 0

I dunno why I find this so fascinating, but this guy has been digging a hole in his backyard for two years now.
It makes me want to dig a hole.
Jesus, are men retarded or what?



::

Whoa! Follow the adventures of Mark Donker -- "Locker Linebacker."

::

Any aspiring band that wants to pay somebody to write a review of their band is more than welcome to.
Please note: the reviews on their Sample Reviews page are among the most poorly written I have ever seen.

::

Why you should never put your picture on the internet.
may not be funny, but worth it for the last one...keep watching it and it will get funnier and funnier.

::

A watched pot never boils.
Worst part: I am visitor # 8508076

::

Kurt Vonnegut wrote this.
This is as political as .:DataWhat:. will ever get, and it's only 'cause Vonnegut kicks so much ass.

::

Aw crap.
It looks like the drummer for The Velvet Teen has a brain tumor.
After he recovers he will be quitting the band to concentrate on his other band The Junior Science Club.
Steve is not allowed to quit Porchsleeper to join The Velvet Teen.

::

Fark says:
Physicists, philosophers, theologians and other academicians to speak on the merits of Buffy the Vampire Slayer at conference.
Hmmm...I wonder how quickly Penny and I could drive to Nashville if we took shifts?

::

Matt Tobey on the guy who directed Super-Size Me:

"I have a little bit of a problem with so many people jumping the gun and calling Morgan Spurloch the next Michael Moore just because Spurloch ate McDonald's three meals a day for a month. Michael Moore's been eating McDonald's eleven meals a day for over forty years, so Spurloch's got a long way to go if you ask me."

::

Awesomely terrible Prom Photos.

::

Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Fark
Thanks Rob
Thanks Katy


Comments: 0

Porchsleeper
The Good Old Days

   When Porchsleeper guitarists Brian Raleigh
and Derek Vertin were seniors in high school,
they had a mutual friend who needed a place to
stay. He spent the last part of the year moving
between their two houses. Apparently when he
would act up, his two friends would threaten to
banish him to the porch. Eventually they just
referred to him as Porchsleeper.

   I wonder where that guy is now. I wonder
if he knows that his two friends, now grown and
married, with desk jobs and mortgages, have formed
a weekend warrior alt-roots/country-rock band and
named it after him. Perhaps he is in the long
list of people who get an apology from the band
in the liner notes of its wonderfully depressing
first CD, Every Day is Better Than the Next.

   I saw Porchsleeper in the barnlike performance
space above Rubber Soul Records in Ypsilanti.
Raleigh, Vertin, and bassist Zac Johnson manhandled
the guitars. Leery of the small space, they played
a set of lovely lyrical story songs that left me
feeling quite melancholy. Johnson even played a
banjo at one point.

   Then Raleigh said "Okay, we're through being
quiet now." The drummer gave a fast eight count and
we got a look at the real soul of this band as they
launched into an uptempo rock tune with twangy riffs
and simple, direct lyrics: "You're the kind of girl
that I like -- The kind that don't like me." The
previously cautious drummer, Steve Bekkala, gave the
skins something to think about, and all three
guitarists sang harmonies. It reminded me of the
rock scene in this town in the 1980s, when lots of
bands played straight-up, honest rock 'n' roll,
served with plenty of drinking.

   Either these guys are recovering assholes or great liars.
In the ballad "If I Told You," they sing about basically
stalking an ex-lover and lament: "Now I know I let you
down, every time I slept around." But I hung out with
these guys after the show, and they're polite as choirboys
and obviously devoted to their wives. Either way, their
songwriting brings back delightfully painful memories of
what it was like before the kids and mortgage -- drinking
and crying and fighting and drinking and making up --
all set to catchy, driving, unpretentious,
and unapologetic rock.

   I can honestly say that there wasn't a song in that set
that I didn't like. Better yet, Porchsleeper's back-to-
basics drinkin' and cheatin' heartbreak college rock put
me in the mood for some trouble. I don't know about you,
but in my midlife, diaper-changing, stable life, there
is some room for drinking and cheating and crying and
drinking and making up. So serve it up, turn it up, and
don't blame me in the morning.

   Porchsleeper opens for Havilland at Frenchie's in
Ypsilanti's Depot Town on Saturday, June 12, and
for Grand Champeen at the Blind Pig on Wednesday,
June 16.

- Charmie Gholson
   The Ann Arbor Observer

Comments: 0

::

Dadid says: Dub It Up!
Spend hours making cool dub tracks by clicking on spiders, hearts and victrolas.
Can be used with Dave Chappelle's Lil' Jon Soundboard.
"What? What? Oh Kay!"

::

Apparently Jewel is now Crazy.

::

A funny series of outgoing Answering Machine Messages.

Favorites:
"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you."

::

Kristin Von Bernthal will be doin' a mostly-solo, semi-acoustic performance this Friday, May 28th at Xhedos Cafe in fabulous Ferndale at 9:30.
With Adam Druckman, Priscilla Ederle, and Alex Lumelsky
Xhedos: Downtown Ferndale west of Woodward, north side of 9 Mile. Parking & entrance in rear.

::

Signs you may have been drinking too much

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

3. Job interfering with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

8. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?

9. Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

10. You can focus better with one eye closed.

11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

12. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

13. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

14. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

15. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

16. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

17. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in.

18. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.

19. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

20. Roseanne looks good.

21. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

22. That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.

23. Senator's Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

24."I'm as jober as a sudge."

25. The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

::

Voltron is the New America.

::

Earl sends us Trojan Commercials from the UK.
Click on "Video Highlights"
Possibly NSFW depending on where you work.

::

It's Not Science and it's not Fair.

::

Thanks AnotherSite.uk
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Earl
Thanks Dan


Comments: 0

::

Matt Knee just got a teaching job in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin! At least that's closer than Texas.

"Its a small town, but not too far from civilization.
40 minutes NE of Madison, about an hour from Milwaukee, and about 2 hours from Chicago."
E-mail him at mknee@gmx.co.uk

::

Fun link for Tawny: Squirrel Fishing!!!

::

George Bush fell off his bike.

Ugly face Here:

::

In other good Bush news, The First Twins are posing for Vogue this summer.

::

THX 1138 is coming to DVD and to Ann Arbor.


::

How to make sure your Laptop is really clean.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

::

Maeve wants you to know that
All British People Are Crazy And Love To Take Off Their Clothes.

every single one of 'em.


::
Corwin Stormcrow has this to say about Friday's events:


The various radar scans to which I had remote access indicated a really bad situation.
I needed to get to a better spotter location, and to assure no damage to my home.
The frontline hit the building here probably less than 30 seconds after I left,
based on when I encountered it at Lohr Road going west on Oak Valley.

Everything was OK at my house.
There were no spotter reports of funnel clouds or tornadoes (touchdowns) in the immediate vicinity,
although one of the radars indicated a possibly rotation just southwest of Ann Arbor Airport.
(The National Weather Service has no way to confirm rotation and funnel clouds or touchdowns
without on-scene spotter visual verifications.)

There were, however, verified reports of straight-line wind downdrafts, wind action that can be as serious and damaging as tornadoes.
Most (if not all) of the Detroit-area wind damage Friday appears to have come from these straight-line winds, rather than any tornadoes.
(This is usual.)

I've been through events like these many times before (I grew up in Nebraska), but this was one of the most intense.

photo courtesy of Rob


::

More Terrible Album Covers

::

Most. Spectacular. Basketball. Shot. Ever..

::

Thanks Maeve
Thanks David
Thanks Big-Boys.com
Thanks AnotherSite.uk


Comments: 0

Came home today and a huge tree limb had fallen and pulled the power lines off of our house.
That made me think of a G.I. Joe cartoon.
                  
"Ooooh...Mr. body massage machine...mmmm...mmmm hmmm"

More great ones (with descriptions) Here.

::

OK, I may be getting old, or at least not as street as I used to be, but I honestly can't tell if Chopper Girl is kidding or not...



::

Former Tower employees may remember Brett Lyman who was a goofy kid with thick glasses and a shag haircut and was really into indie rock. Anyhoo, he's now in a band called Measles Mumps Rubella on Troubleman Unlimited Records.

The only thingI really remember about him was that he would always say "I'll be checkin' a brutha like you later on!"
I had (and have) no idea what that meant.

::

Hey...does anybody remember back when Britney Spears was sorta cute in that "confused stripper-next-door's little sister" kinda way?

Jeez M. Crow, what has happened to that poor girl?
It looks like Homer had the makeup gun set to "whore" ...or maybe "clown."
                     


::

Speaking of terrible, PBS is exploring exactly when the Music Industry Jumped The Shark.

Thursday May 27th.

::

Johnny Cash Auction in September.

Start savin' now.

::

Somebody smart has to explain to me how they do This:

How does that little man get on my computer screen and push my window around?
Will he be my friend?

::

Lee says "Might want to keep your eye here for bootlegs/mash ups"

Featured now: a pretty spectacular and haunting mash-up of Radiohead's "Karma Police" and the Beatles "A Day In the Life."


::

Everybody run! Condi Rice is ANGRY!

I also heard she eats babies.

::

Know who else is scary?

Dick Cheney.

::

Know who's awesome?

Bill Fucking Wyman.

::

Free things to do when you're Bored.

::

Thanks Chris
Thanks Sean
Thanks Kelly
Thanks Ryan
Thanks Lee
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks John's Crawlspace


Comments: 0

Spam Zen
alarms papoose Bimini regiments flopping
situation Gunnar ultimately matcher disturb
popularity informally Politburo horror chunk

::

Another list of Funny Band Names.

::

The Goonies 2 is in talks and may be filming at some point in the distant future.

::

EARL'S TRUE-ISMS

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said Implants?" She hit me.

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

::

Remember the car that cut the cat's head off in the sunroof?
Aaron found a car that hates pigeons.

::

A quick movie of two Chinese guys discussing Kill Bill when one guy's DVD starts skipping.

::

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had a baby girl: Apple Blythe Alison Martin.

Think Coldplay is really pushing for some kind of iTunes tie-in?


::

Thanks Aaron
Thanks Dan
Thanks Earl


Comments: 0

I got a letter from my State Farm Insurance agent a little while ago and the name on the envelope said "Zachary Jackary."
Lee and I think that is about the funniest thing ever.

::

New G.I. Joe PSA

::

Porchsleeper's album Every Day is Better Than the Next somehow made a Japanese "Best of 2003" list.

I sent it off to my own personal Scarlett Johansson and this is what she had to say:

Lost In Translation:

"There's a little too much unpleasant talk (*or dirty talk...too much swearing?)
and the performance has a punk rhythm (also gives an AAA performance, whatever that means).
The band seems to evaluate the world through understanding eyes.
It is not so much roots rock, but has a strong roots punk or alternative roots character.
After the two minute and 59 second songs are cut, and the performance technique is brushed up,
the band will be ready for competition."



::

Derek's wife Saint Susan has not had her baby yet.

He could go into more detail, but being a gentleman, he will not.

::

Mike Feldkamp's High School webpage.

::

Scariest. Mugshot. Ever.

::

Nothing funnier than Matt Tobey writing an obituary:

Tony Randall: Dead at 84

If you remember, the elderly-yet-spry former star of TV's The Odd Couple shocked the medical community twice in the past decade by fathering two children despite being totally gay.

Randall is to be cremated with his ashes scattered by Jack Klugman over a rug Randall had just vacuumed.

::

Speaking of funny, Filthy Celebrity Imposter deals out the dirt on what's happening in Hollywood.
some people will find this offensive, but fuck 'em.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
The other night I was feeling nostalgic for The Greatest American Hero, so I donned my Billy Katt get-up and hot-footed it over to Bob Culp's place where we proceeded to do a chinese-handcuffs on Connie Selleca.

After six or seven hours, we were humping so hard that our our ding-dong tips were actually touching. It was so beautiful that Ryan White rose from the grave just so he could jack-off to it. Believe it or not!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get my Wynton Marsalis costume on and get over to Gwyneth Paltrow's mansion. She's going to have a miscarriage in my mouth and let me spit it up her poop-chute.

::



::

Thanks Chris
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0

Hello Lunchy


::

John Kerry's daughter Alexandra has made a poor choice in what to wear at the Cannes Film Festival.

Heh heh, "Cannes"

::

The first rule of Nerd Club:
Do not email anyone about Nerd Club!"

::

Terrible Joke from Maeve:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Pfizer Corp Announcement -

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form,
and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink,
and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs"
and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"

::

www.loriandpaul.com has some new photos with more coming soon.

::

The Darkness Enlist AC/DC Producer "Mutt" Lange
So sayeth Pitchfork.

::
Richard Buckner with special guest Jim Roll live at The Ark on Wednesday June 2nd.

::

Best of Christopher Walken on SNL this week; cowbell sales skyrocket

I Gotta Have More Cowbell!

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Paul
Thanks Fark


Comments: 0

We were talking about terrible band photos and somebody (Mark? Dave?) brought up Rock and Roll Confidential's "Hall of Douchebags" which features hundreds if not thousands of lousy band press photos.


Every photo features either stone-washed jeans, horrible hair, or a brick wall.
Sometimes all three.

::

All signs point to hilarity.

::

Nerds with too much time on their hands will cram teeny tiny computers into pretty much anything.

::

Speaking of nerds, Penny and I were on the verge of a hundred-dollar bet as to whether the lower level catwalk on Serenity has railings or not.

More jibber jabber here.


::

Speaking of nerds, They Might Be Giants are playing at this year's Summer Festival.

::

Now you can play Flash Tetris.

::

Rob invites you to Take One For The Country.

::

Sara Hall gives some shout-outs to her Ann Arbor peeps.

If you don't know Sara, you may not be interested.

::

Happy Birthday Maeve!

21 at last! Congratulations!


::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody


Comments: 0

Hey Goody! Look!
Complete first season of Nothern Exposure on DVD available May 25th.
         
Comes complete with awesome sleeping bag padding!

::

New book review for "Jennifer Government" added to the Pizza Beer archives:

::

Havilland's record "Get Used to the Deuce" has been reviewed.
In it, I reference Henry James, D.H. Lawrence, a diminished seventh chord, Nazi memorabilia, and Molly Ringwald's panties.

      Buy It Now!

::

Jeff Tweedy of Wilco speaking about his experience in rehab:

"I'm not embarrassed about it at all. It was a really beautiful experience.
I spent a lot of time sitting in a room with crack addicts whose lives were total wrecks, but they were putting their lives back together.
All my best friends now are crack addicts."

::

Micael Pradon is selling his Sunburst Fender Jazz Bass with DiMarzio pickups.
It is as close to mint as you can get with one ding near the strap peg.
                  $300

If I remember right it looks like This.

Lemme know.

::



Uh, can somebody please take this woman's child away from her?
Thank you.

::

Subliminal messages in Britney's song:

"Sleep with me, I'm not too young...number nine...number nine..."

::

How many iPods does one rich prick need?

::

Newsweek Rocks.

::

Rob's P.A.T. requests over the last year-and-a-half:
Reason given for time off: NASCAR auditions
Reason given for time off: mumps measles and rubella all at once
Reason given for time off: I had Jaundice and Scurvy. Feeling better.
Reason given for time off: massive amounts of vomit coming up through my mouth.
Reason given for time off: i was throwing up. a lot.
Reason given for time off: dog ate my existence
Reason given for time off: went to ghana; ate pie.

::

Gerard has finished his degree.
Congraduations.

::

Got Cow?

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody
Thanks Whatevs.org


Comments: 0

Read the Reviews of David Hasselhoff's CD.

Move on Over Michael Bolton!!
"I seriously rocked my buns off to the explosive force of the Hasselnator! Yet, not as explosive as David live. Live, he is so expolsive you could blow it into a tissue. It is rather unfortunate he died in that plane crash all those years ago."

I also like:

2 people recommended Love Songs of the Tone-Deaf in addition to Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]

1 person recommended Viral Diarrheas of Man and Animals instead of Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]

::

This site reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live skit, where Jon Lovitz is Picasso, and he sneezes into a napkin, signs it, and says "It's a Picasso!!!"

::

Internal Memo

Good Morning.

I don't know if this has been brought to anyone's attention yet, but there's this fantastic new site in Russia that has mp3s you can download for about a penny a megabyte. Apparently there are different intellectual property laws over there that enable them to get away with that sort of stuff.

However, upon doing a little browsing I noticed that they're also borrowing our data and photos, and I'm pretty sure we're not getting a penny per megabyte either.

Just a heads up.

Rob

::

New Gomez.
Real good.

::

I was talking about this a while ago, but couldn't find anything online...Followers of 'le parkour' who train themselves to do superhero-esque leaps from buildingtop to buildingtop. Pretty kick-ass.

In-house .:DataWhat:. members can see a video called monkey.wmv in Rob's exchange.

::

Johnny Whoopass is kinda like the G.I. Joe redubs. These guys take entire He-Man cartoons and re-dub them with humorous results.

This kind of humor is much better in 47 second bursts like the G.I. Joes, but Johnny Whoopass is still pretty good.


::

Hasbro is releasing figures from the Original Star Wars Trilogy.
New sculpts (Chewie no longer looks like a stick of poop), but "Retro" silver-and-black packaging.

::

Funyon from Goody.

::

Thanks Steve
Thanks Mark
Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody
Thanks David


Comments: 0

The Mexican Air Force have videotaped 11 UFOs buzzing around one of their airplanes.

Video Here.

They're unidentified, so technically they are UFOs. So there.

::

Stryper is coming to town.
Matt Collar says he's wearing these to the show:



::

Looks like Jennifer Capriati will be running for Governor of California someday.

Steroids are not being used in professional tennis.

::

Iggy Pop and Anthony Keidis are best friends forever.

::

Gross!

::

Hey, you know who used to be really good? The Holy Cows.
Brian just let me borrow two of their CDs. I'll be listening to these for the rest of my life.

Former members now available in convenient The Attic Fans, Ghost Town Deputies, and The Offramps forms.

::

A²IEMC² is the Ann Arbor International Electronic Music Composition Competition.

Participants are given 48 hours to compose a four minute track from the samples firteen.com make available.

Hear last year's winners Here:

Dan, Rob, Lee, Uncle Dave: Get to it!

::

Got Soul? Superbad?

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Yahoo
Thanks Brian


Comments: 0

Set screen to full!

Now Blow Your Freaking Mind!

::

New Homestar Runner.

Rock, Rock On.

::

I guess the "director's cut" of Donnie Darko is being released in the theaters on May 29th.

Man, whatta website too! As good as the Requiem for a Dream website...

::

Spectacular book: The Contortionist's Handbook by Craig Clevenger.

Sort of like "Catch Me if You Can" if it were written by Chuck Palahniuk.
Started it yesterday on the porch and will finish it tonight.

::

Earl says: Don't drink if you're going to the zoo.

::

Dave Below's band Stereo Sfumato is debuting at Smalls in HamSamwich tonight.

Go there.

::

Is it creepy that I want to see Lindsay Lohan's Nipple?

Yeah... prolly.

::

Thanks Chris
Thanks True
Thanks Whatevs.org
Thanks Earl


Comments: 0

Spam Zen
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::

Ever wanted to see "The Shining" but only have 30 seconds to spare and Shelley Duvall's big eyeballs kinda creep you out and you'd really rather see the whole thing acted out by animated bunnies? Brother, the internet's got it: Shining_Bunnies.

::

Chris Holoka got all wasted one night and had me shoot 25 Roman Candles at him.

He's Asian now, by the way.

::

Album covers re-drawn from memory in MS Paint.

Hardcore music dorks only.

::

Havilland's record "Get Used to the Deuce" is all I listen to.

CD Release party at Frenchie's in Ypsi on June 12th.
Porchsleeper will try to keep up...

::

Aaron says:
This is very clever...

1) Go to Google

2) Type in weapons of mass destruction (DON'T hit return)

3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, NOT the "Google search"

4) Read the "error message" carefully. The WHOLE page.

::

Data Correction:
Adam at bluesocks.org points out that the "List of Bar Rules" that I thought was made up by The Daily Column has appeared elsewhere.

Nice work. There's only one thing we're looking for: Data Integrity in 2004.

::

wouldn't it be nice if spam subtext was honest?
britney speers nude lindsay lohan nude angalina jolie angeline naked lindsy linsee scarlet johansen naked johansson naked johannsson naked johannsen naked scarlett scarlatt johanson naked johnson jackie o jackieo Brad Pitt Nude tim allen naked abe vigoda naked bea arthur naked golden girls naked j-lo naked jennifer lopez naked remember when she wasn't famous and you could see her nipple in that terrible movie U-Turn and she was all creepy cause she was tricking sean penn but now she's all "ooh look at me I'm totally cool and famous and have my own perfume" and won't get nekkid fer anything? not like good old madonna man oh man after a while you had to beg madonna to keep her clothes on like when rosie o donnell said "do you think there's a man in america that hasn't seen your bosoms?" in a league of their own...i wonder if rosie really actually wanted to see her bosoms then? oh sorry...who else...oh yeah hilary duff naked hillary duff naked uh...some more celbrities... lets see Elizabeth Shue Drake Bell Rhona Mitra Pamela Anderson Devon Sawa Milla Jovovich Dean Cai Carmen Electra John Cusack Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Mark Wahlberg Kevin Bacon Johnny Depp January Jones Orlando Bloom Asia Argento Elisha Cuthbert Marisa Tomei Mandy Moore Jon Lovitz Alan Rickman Nicole Kidman Kaley Cuoco Halle Berry Candace Cameron Daniel Radcliffe Heath Ledger Jennifer Aniston Paul Bettany Chad Michael Murray Jonathan Brandis Sienna Guillory Kate Beckinsale Jesse McCartney all of 'em naked... also george bush naked john kerry's daughter naked bush twins naked let's see what's in the news today marge simpson naked lisa simpson naked jesus you sick fuck she's a little kid and a cartoon character uh... jesus naked did i already say bea arthur nude I did didn't i why are you looking here yes it's a stupid ploy but hopefully you'll see something you like and buy my male enhancement pills or ebay accounts or discount software or whatever it is my crooked company is trying to pawn off on hapless senior citizens I don't even know why I'm doing this I've drunk 17 jack and cokes and shouldn't be allowed near the computer mother?


Comments: 0

WORLD'S FASTEST DRUMMER !!!

::

Maeve says: "Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase Going Ape-Shit."

::

This Link is crazy-ass footage of a woman on a news show trying to press grapes at a winery but ends up falling down and making really weird noises.

Sometimes the video works, sometimes it don't, but the audio is just as funny.
It takes a minute to load.


::

koff koff....choke

take that, snickers.

::

Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Dadid
Thanks Maeve


Comments: 0

DataWhat?
Now fully Googleable.

::

Awesome new fun: Googlism someone you love:

My current favorites:
      # 1
      # 2
      # 3


::

H4CK3R 4PPL3 S4UC3 !!!

::

Spectacular new record: "Mouthful of Love" by Young Heart Attack from Austin.

Sorta like an American version of The Darkness mixed with a Southern Rock version of Jet...but with Roger Daltry on lead vocals and Belinda Carlisle doing backups...you kinda gotta hear it.

::

Can you pass The Third Grade Test?

::

Isn't "Asperger's Syndrome" a lousy name?
All day yesterday on Fresh Air when Terry Gross was saying it I kept thinking "Ass Burger Syndrome."

I know it's got to do with kids with an autism-like disease, but, Jesus, "Ass Burger?"
That sounds terrible.


::

Impractical Fishkeeping is more like it.

::

Thanks Daily Column
Thanks PJ
Thanks Maeve

A Cowboy's Guide To Life

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plough

Don't corner something meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You can't unsay a cruel thing.

Every path has some puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Don't squat with your spurs on

Don't judge people by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you ll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Only cows know why they stampede.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

::

Speaking of cowboys, Monkeys love The Eagles


::

Penny is really enjoying Christy DeBurton Yoga.

::

Crazy-ass footage of a mini-tornado that whipped through this Japanese soccer game.

::

Crack House in Ann Arbor!

Lee coulda just stayed here.


::

In Passing...

This site allows people to document weird things they've heard in elevators and fragments of conversation overheard in coffee shops. It's kinda like walking into the middle of a conversation and not being able to figure out what the hell people are talking about.

::

Feeny on Letterman!



::

Thanks Chris
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Ryan
Thanks Daily Column

All Praise Paul!

::

The guy who runs this site is a bartender and has come up with his list of Bar Rules.

::

Dan Miller of Blanche (and formerly Goober of Goober & the Peas) is rumoured to be playing Luther Perkins (Johnny Cash's guitarist) in the upcoming movie "I Walk the Line."

::

This site allows people to submit all of the Disturbing Search Requests that somehow link to their website (like "Digital Speedos for Choppers" and "Monsieur, I am tracking you like a leopard.")

::


Free Bird.

...and this bird you cannot change.

::

Thanks Rob
Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Kelly
Thanks Ryan



Comments: 0

Jack and Loretty (and the rest of the band) will be on Letterman tonight.

Hi Dave! Hi! We like your shoes!

::

Dave Below's band Stereo Sfumato has a website now.

::

Terry Jones tells it like it is regarding the re-release of Monty Python's Life of Brian this month.

Even though they misspell "Brian" a bunch of times...

::

This just in: "Hump" is a word that doesn't get used enough by adults.
Starting now, all pornographic movies will be called "Humpos."

::

Ian Trumbull's new band Ghost Town Deputies.

The CD is terrific.


::

Italian Prog is always cool:

::

Good advice:



Thanks John's Crawlspace
Thanks Dadid

Spam Zen:

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exercise lobes forgives starch kissed

::

Mal? Kaylee? Wash? River??? (OK, maybe not River).
Find out by taking the Firefly Personality Test.

Shiny!

::

Dumbass:

::

Think you know all about the Dirty Sanchez or the Hot Carl?
Guess Again.

::

Grab that live concert on your keychain on your way out the door:

::

44%

Dadid says to take The Purity Test.

Don't fear to enter your email. They just use it at the end to tell if any friends have taken the test

::

Heads-up, Sara:

Burger King's Subserviant Chicken has been a good example of "Viral Marketing" (ad campaigns spread by online word-of-mouth). This one has to be the most elaborate one yet, and I can't tell what it's for (although I'm guessing the Cooper Mini....somehow).

In this month's issue of Esquire, Rolling Stone and nearly every car magazine had a 40 page excerpt from a book called "Men of Metal" recounting one guy's investigations into "strange occurances" near Oxford and sightings of robots, and then subtly mentions this page.

When you go to it you see a pretty elaborately constructed webpage of a "scientist" who has constructed an artificially inteligent robot out of Cooper Mini parts.

Some de-bunking can be found here.

Regardless of whether it is "real" or not, it has to be one of the most elaborate ad campaigns since the Burma Shave roadside signs in the '50s.

::

Thanks Daily Column
Thanks Dadid


Comments: 0