Friday, October 29, 2004

Cats Ross Boob Mosh Redneck Regan Perfectin' Fakin' 



Hilarious Thing of the Day!
hello kitty

::


Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE Eminem fan.

Ok, well, that's a total lie, but after watching his arthouse/graphic design snipershot video Mosh, I can honestly say that I don't think I've heard a more rallying political cry from the streets since Public Enemy dropped "Fight the Power" back in Ninteen Eighty Nine (the number, another summer).
Really powerful. You should watch it. All the way to the end.

::


An AMG classic: The All Music Guide page to Ross Geller.
"After finding his keyboard Ross began playing again and soon found his own, very special sound again. After making his audience stunned performing live at the Central Perk he started his own record company and released the album Ross."

::


Orleans is pretty pissed that Bush is using their song "Still the One" in a Campaign Commercial.
We're still havin' fun...

::


Homestarrunner Halloween Adventure
Homestar's dressed up as Carl Spackler from Caddyshack, so he's got that goin' for him.

::

God is a redneck

::


Episode III Teaser Poster.
Look! He's got a cape! ...oh wait...I get it.

::


Here's SFW footage of a woman flashing her boob behind home plate at this Red Sox game.
"Hi, I'm on the phone...yep...what's that? You can see me on TV? Really? ...what's that? Flash the entire nation? OK! Can you hear me now? Good."

::

Scariest Halloween Costumes 2004:
Like "Florida Touchscreen Voting Booth" and "The Widowed Nancy Regan."
oh, mommy...
Nancy Reagan

It's never too early to get your daughter into her first little black dress! This elegant approximation of former First Lady Nancy Reagan's moving moment alone with her husband's casket is as touching as it is scary. With just a flag, a casket, a simple black dress, and Grandma's old wig, any little girl can be America's Widow®!

Total cost: Between $25 and $25,000 (depending on the cost of the casket).
Total time: Under an hour.

::


Thanks Paul
Thanks David
Thanks Rob
Thanks Goody
Thanks PJ


Comments: 0
Thursday, October 28, 2004

Super Political Issue! 



Hilarious/Terrifying Thing of the Day!
Film of a very, very bratty boy named George:.

bushfinger
oooh, what a naughty little president you are!

::


Serious Thing For A Second:

If you are at all curious for a snapshot of where the three (yes, three) candidates stand PickYourPresident.com gives you the basic view on the candidates' views.
Abortion, Death Penalty, Education, Evironment, and the rest.

::


Other Serious Thing:

Washtenaw County Proposals outlined Here:
Statewide: Proposal 04-1 = Lottery
Statewide: Proposal 04-2 = Gay Marriage
Countywide: Proposal A = Parks & Rec
WCC: Proposal B = Washtenaw Community College millage restoration.
Citywide: Proposal C = Medical Marijuana

::


Other Other Serious Thing:

Appropriately titled "Whatever It Takes", the new Bush/Cheney ad uses Bush's convention acceptance speech, stirring music, and images of dedicated troops and families in the heartland. It also uses Photoshopped images to turn a small crowd into a large one:
whatev
And it's lousy photoshopping!

::


Last Serious Thing, I Swear to God

A local TV station had an embedded crew that shot video of bunkers of explosives after the invasion of Iraq. It looks like they have footage of the now-missing explosives from Al Qaqaa, which means they disappeared after the US came in.
Here’s the video:
Hee Hee. "Al Kaa-kaa"

::


Finally, for fun: Homestarrunner Jack-o-Lantern Stencils.

::


Thanks Paul
Thanks Dan
Thanks Matt
Thanks Lee


Comments: 0
Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Hey Johnsonfarm, Your mrtg quote has been approved on October 26th 

sorry, that was some spam I just got.

::


Speaking of Spam, this guy replies to all of the spam he gets.
With Hilarious Results!

::

VINTAGE AIR GUITAR,
excellant condition, any colour
rawk!
eBay Exclusive!

::


Republicans urging minorities to get out and vote on Wednesday, Nov. 3.
Oh how The Onion knows the funny.

::

Do You See A Pattern Here?

Democrats

* Richard Gephardt: Air National Guard, 1965-71.
* David Bonior: Staff Sgt., Air Force 1968-72.
* Tom Daschle: 1st Lt., Air Force SAC 1969-72.
* Al Gore: enlisted Aug. 1969; sent to Vietnam Jan. 1971 as an army journalist in 20th Engineer Brigade.
* Bob Kerrey: Lt. j.g. Navy 1966-69; Medal of Honor, Vietnam.
* Daniel Inouye: Army 1943-47; Medal of Honor, WWII.
* John Kerry: Lt., Navy 1966-70; Silver Star, Bronze Star with Combat V, Purple Hearts.
* Charles Rangel: Staff Sgt., Army 1948-52; Bronze Star, Korea.
* Max Cleland: Captain, Army 1965-68; Silver Star & Bronze Star, Vietnam.
* Ted Kennedy: Army, 1951-53.
* Tom Harkin: Lt., Navy, 1962-67; Naval Reserve, 1968-74.
* Jack Reed: Army Ranger, 1971-1979; Captain, Army Reserve 1979-91.
* Fritz Hollings: Army officer in WWII; Bronze Star and seven campaign ribbons.
* Leonard Boswell: Lt. Col., Army 1956-76; Vietnam, DFCs, Bronze Stars, and Soldier's Medal.
* Pete Peterson: Air Force Captain, POW. Purple Heart, Silver Star and Legion of Merit.
* Mike Thompson: Staff sergeant, 173rd Airborne, Purple Heart.
* Bill McBride: Candidate for Fla. Governor. Marine in Vietnam; Bronze Star with Combat V.
* Gray Davis: Army Captain in Vietnam, Bronze Star.
* Pete Stark: Air Force 1955-57
* Chuck Robb: Vietnam
* Howell Heflin: Silver Star
* George McGovern: Silver Star & DFC during WWII.
* Bill Clinton: Did not serve. Student deferments. Entered draft but received #311.
* Jimmy Carter: Seven years in the Navy.
* Walter Mondale: Army 1951-1953
* John Glenn: WWII and Korea; six DFCs and Air Medal with 18 Clusters.
* Tom Lantos: Served in Hungarian underground in WWII. Saved by Raoul Wallenberg.

Republicans
* Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage.
* Dennis Hastert: did not serve.
* Tom Delay: did not serve.
* Roy Blunt: did not serve.
* Bill Frist: did not serve.
* Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
* Rick Santorum: did not serve.
* Trent Lott: did not serve.
* John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business.
* Jeb Bush: did not serve.
* Karl Rove: did not serve.
* Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. "Bad knee." The man who attacked Max Cleland's patriotism.
* Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve.
* Vin Weber: did not serve.
* Richard Perle: did not serve.
* Douglas Feith: did not serve.
* Eliot Abrams: did not serve
* Richard Shelby: did not serve.
* Jon! Kyl: did not serve.
* Tim Hutchison: did not serve.
* Christopher Cox: did not serve.
* Newt Gingrich: did not serve.
* Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as flight instructor.
* George W. Bush: failed to complete his six-year National Guard;
   got assigned to Alabama so he could campaign for family friend running for U.S. Senate;
   failed to show up for required medical exam,
   disappeared from duty.
* Ronald Reagan: due to poor eyesight, served in a non-combat role making movies.
* B-1 Bob Dornan: Consciously enlisted after fighting was over in Korea.
* Phil Gramm: did not serve.
* John McCain: Silver Star, Bronze Star, Legion of Merit, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross.
* Dana Rohrabacher: did not serve.
* John M. McHugh: did not serve.
* JC Watts: did not serve.
* Jack Kemp: did not serve. "Knee problem," although continued in NFL for 8 years.
* Dan Quayle: Journalism unit of the Indiana National Guard.
* Rudy Giuliani: did not serve.
* George Pataki: did not serve.
* Spencer Abraham: did not serve.
* John Engler: did not serve.
* Lindsey Graham: National Guard lawyer.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger: AWOL from Austrian army base.

Pundits & Preachers
* Sean Hannity: did not serve.
* Rush Limbaugh: did not serve (4-F with a 'pilonidal cyst.')
* Bill O'Reilly: did not serve.
* Michael Savage: did not serve.
* George Will: did not serve.
* Chris Matthews: did not serve.
* Paul Gigot: did not serve.
* Bill Bennett: did not serve.
* Pat Buchanan: did not serve.
* John Wayne: did not serve.
* Bill Kristol: did not serve.
* Kenneth Starr: did not serve.
* Antonin Scalia: did not serve.
* Clarence Thomas: did not serve.
* Ralph Reed: did not serve.
* Michael Medved: did not serve.
* Charlie Daniels: did not serve.
* Ted Nugent: did not serve. (He only shoots at things that don't shoot back.)

::


Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 2004
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson chimes in on the election.
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."

::


Great Van Halen commentary from the guy in The Supersuckers:

Election words from Eddie Spaghetti

That's right, it's down to the nitty gritty. I know that many of
you think that my emails should consist strictly of liquor, women,
drugs and killing, rock-n-roll, outlaw country and the occasional
joke or two and to you, I apologize. Feel free to bury your head in
the sand once more and delete this missive now because I am here to
use my (very nominal) influence to tell our fans to please get out
and vote for a change this Tuesday.

To my republican friends (and I hope you are still my friends if
you've made it this far into my email) I have this rock-n-roll
analogy for you:

Let's say that the Republican Party is Van Halen and (for the sake
of argument we will time travel quite a bit) Abraham Lincoln is the
David Lee Roth of Republicans. An ass kicking, slave-freeing,
minimize-the-government-in-our-lives bad ass. The glory years. Then
let's say that Sammy Hagar is the Ronald Reagan character, he totally
lost the die-hards, but for some reason Van Halen had never been more
popular. Hit after hit. The Van Halen machine makes more money than
anyone thought possible! Next, sadly, it's time to enter that guy
from Extreme, Gary Cherone. Here is our G.W. Bush. Even the most
dyed-in-the-wool Van Halen fans have to admit, this was one bad
idea, it didn't work and, thankfully we only had to put up with one
record from this version of the Republican Par..., uh, I mean... Van
Halen. Gary made Van Halen so bad that Sammy Hagar returning actually
seems to be a GOOD idea!

So there you go, even Republicans have to admit that G.W. has
totally "Gary Cheroned" this Presidency, don't you think? I thought
this would help clear things up for you. Now get out there and buy
one of those "Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this
change. Sure Kerry's no Diamond Dave either, but who is anymore? It's
not like Van Halen's gonna ask ME to sing for 'em...
Vote. Please.

Eddie "One more week until I can stop being obsessed with this election" Spaghetti.

::

rawk!
Hey, will one of you bishops tell Porchsleeper to shut the fuck up?

I can hear 'em from here.

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks Earl
Thanks Mark
Thanks Goody


Comments: 0
Tuesday, October 26, 2004

His whiteboard now says "zero" 



Hilarious Thing of the Day!
This guy on Tech TV just finishes getting done saying how valuable and one-of-a-kind this wax cylinder is, when he shatters it with his big dumb hands.
Then he wants to say the "F" Word, thinks better of it because he's on TV, and says "Shit" instead.

::

This is fun:

have a drink on me

::


IKEA (ee-KAY-uh) is coming to Canton!
IKEA is pronounced "ee-kay-uh" by Swedes and other continental Europeans. In the English-speaking world it is pronounced "eye-kee-uh," rhyming with the word "idea."

::


Just Finished:
Virtual Light by William Gibson (368 pp. paperback)
Hey! A William Gibson novel I liked! It was like Snow Crash, but not as good!

::



Here is a terrific collection of photos of the damage caused by Hurricane Ivan.
I like the piece of plywood driven directly through the tree.

::

John Peel.
they're organized autobiographically...
He's D.Y.K.

::


Thanks Rob
Thanks Dadid
Thanks David
Thanks Maeve


Comments: 0
Monday, October 25, 2004

DataWhat Psychic Hotline 



PJ and I have made some pre-election week predictions:


I think on Wednesday, there will be some sort of major evacuation in New York City, causing the Terror Alert to be elevated to Orange.
Probably some kind of media outlet: Major newspaper, TV station, popular magazine, something like that.
I'm thinking some sort of chemical weapon scare, like Anthrax in an envelope or something like that, but I'm also getting a strong sense of "undesclosed terrorist activity" which would do the trick just as easily.
I'm partial to this idea because it would get instant media coverage, bring 9/11 instantly to mind, and do the job of scaring the American public into electing George Bush (legitimately this time).

PJ thinks that on Thursday, there will be some sort of scare in a public school or polling place, causing the Terror Alert to be elevated to Orange.
She was voting for "undesclosed terrorist activity" as the reported cause.
This is also a pretty viable option, since this could keep people out of the polls.


I guess my earlier prediction of the Bush Administration pulling Osama Bin Ladin out of a spider hole in October may have passed us by, but keep in mind: If we keep guessing, sooner or later we might be right!

::

Footage of Ashlee Simpson performing career suicide:

on a monday...

Singer Ashlee Simpson left the "live" out of "Saturday Night Live" this weekend in an aborted performance that culminated with the singer scrambling offstage after viewers heard her recorded voice -- singing the wrong song -- while her actual mouth stayed shut.

After first playing "Pieces of Me," the sister of singer Jessica returned later in the show to perform "Autobiography." But the sound engineers responsible for providing the music part of the performance mistakenly piped in "Pieces" again, and Simpson and her quote-fingers band fidgeted uncomfortably while the canned band played on (complete with the singer's recorded vocals). After just 35 seconds -- and an impromptu hoedown dance -- Ashlee scampered off, abandoning her band onstage.

On Sunday, her record company, Geffen, blamed "a computer glitch," but reaction on the singer's Web site was swift and judgmental. "Finally, you're exposed for the fraud that you are," wrote drdrewby. "You have cheated your fans and people who actually thought that you had a lick of talent."

Added CowboyJeff99: "I knew she sounded like crap live, so I was 'wondering' what was going on when her voice sounded like the radio edit."

But the principals involved shrugged it off. "What can I say, folks -- live TV!" host Jude Law gamely offered in the show's goodbye, as Simpson bravely laid the blame at the feet of her band: "[They] started playing the wrong song!"

Nice.
The best is Jude Law's face on that "SNL will be right back" graphic at the end...like "Oh My God. Did you just see that?"

A quote from a Lucky magazine interview where she was asked about lip-synching:
"I'm totally against it and offended by it," she said. "I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me."

Apparently her Dad blames heartburn.
That's cool. It makes my stomach hurt too.

::


Maeve found this story about a lady who broke into a house, started remodelling and changed some of the utilities into her name.
Kinda like "Trading Spaces"...but more like "Taking Places" I guess.

::


What's that? Futurama' David X. Cohen and Ice Cube? Together at last?
Ice Cube & David Cohen, creator of the animated series "Futurama," have teamed up to create a half-hour animated comedy about an early 80's Hip-Hop group. "Grandmaster Freak & the Furious 15" details the exploits of a rap crew in Englewood, New Jersey & their leader, 17-year-old high school student, Grandmaster Freak.

::


A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,

"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, 'How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says,
"About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,

"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says,
"Your house."

::


Our Man in Guatemala:
Maybe a bit stuffy for datawhat...but check this out:

University of Maryland did a study to capture the world view of supporters of Bush and Kerry on issues such as Iraq, WMD, world wide perceptions of the U.S, Kyoto treaty and tons of other stuff...

Study shows that all the way down the line Bush supporters overwhelmingly hold beliefs wildly divergent from reality.

Nice to see science confirming what we all suspected.



Hi Ashlee!!! Hiiiii!!!
Don't Forget My Numbah!
nice o.g. AMG image...
::


Thanks Gerard
Thanks David
Thanks Maeve
Thanks Dan
Thanks Perfesser


Comments: 0
Friday, October 22, 2004

i got a rock... 



Next/this coming Tuesday, Oct. 26.
oh, great pumpkin...
8pm :: ABC

::


How has it taken me this long to find out there was a Swift Boat skipper named Dick Pees?
Thank you Leighton

::


Rob posted my "Out Of Ten" list on his site:
Left side, almost all the way down.

Some of you won't get it...


::

Ha ha. Tosborn.
high life

::


Huge new photos of Scarlett Johansson          or here.
sooooo big.

::


Buffy Movie?
Ok, sure.

::


Republicans Voting for Kerry? = 38

Democrats Voting for Bush? = 5. Yep, just 5.

::

The Chinese have copyrighted the phrase "Happy Birthday"
BEIJING: The words “Happy Birthday” can no longer be legally used if they are pinned to any other product, as a private Chinese company has claimed to have registered them as its trademark in 25 countries, including the US, Japan and European Union members this month.

::

homer

::


Thanks Rob
Thanks Paul
Thanks David
Thanks Leighton
Thanks Whatevs.org
Thanks ThatsJustNotRight.com


Comments: 0
Thursday, October 21, 2004

fwaPASH! 




Reading is Fundamental :: A Plea from Lee in NYC:

bone spurs & DiMaggio
maybe you guys can help me out with my new project.
i'm trying to raise $465 to buy 62 copies of Old Man and the Sea for my this guy i know out here that teaches English in Harlem.
Resources there are very very low.
He doesn't have any books to actually teach these kids anything.

Hit This!

::


Most Hilarious Thing Of The Day: "Leave It To Bush" with special guest Gary Busey!.
This guy took some sound clips of George W. Bush and other soundclips of Gary Busey, and turned it into a little cartoon about two ferrets named Jesus and Slasher.

::


At this link is the text from a humorous eBay listing for a Motorcycle Helmet that I tried to point out to people last week...
"This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to small for her big fat head."

::


Beth Stefani revealed that she is leaving AMG to do marketing for La Cense Montana, a hot-shot Horse Ranch out west.
Mo' Here:

::

fwaPASH

::


How many of the Bush administration are needed to replace a light bulb?
The Answer is TEN:

1. One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be changed,
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the lightbulb needs to be changed,
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the lightbulb,
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the lightbulb or for darkness,
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new lightbulb,
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Lightbulb Change Accomplished",
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally "in the dark",
8. One to viciously smear #7,
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along,
10. And finally, One to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

::

Museum of old Arcade Games?
ok.

dogwalk

Walk The Dog
Description: The player must walk an on-screen dog using a leash and treadmill.

::


Thanks Earl
Thanks Matt
Thanks David
Good Fucking Work Lee


Comments: 0
Wednesday, October 20, 2004

"RE: Nerds rating issue" 



Hoodlums:
J-Rho, Jonny Ballz, The Donk, and...Mike Burger
Rules for Rally Sport available online:

::


The outcome of Washington Redskins football games has correctly predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election since 1936.
Go Packers!

::


Hey, all right! Oleg's back!

::


Jon Stewart's response to the Crossfire unpleasentness on the Daily Show.
"How was your weekend? I had a great weekend...Let's see what did I do on friday...I got a haircut, that was good...oh, and I called a guy a dick on national TV."

::

please Hammer, don't hurt him

please Hammer, don't hurt him

more...

::


G-Dub's policy vs. Dan Rather's Policy: Republican Logic.

There's a lotta good stuff on this site, like:
Intendo

::


Oop! Perry's got a blog.
It's about movies. And being a geek. Well, the geek part is more kind of implied...

::


Cool online UPC Lookup Application.
You can try this one if you like: 649288307427

::

ewwww          bleh
photo 1                           photo 2

::


Thanks Matt
Thanks Steve
Thanks Chris


Comments: 0
Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Oh, Donna.... 



New video by The Donnas

Beg For Mercy
Unicorns, zodiac signs, and chicks that rock. What more could you want?

::


New Prescription Drugs For Musicians

Brozac - eases the disappointment of white guys who wish they were from the hood
Britalin - for American singers who unconsciously try to sound British
Divanol - controls excessive melismas and over-emoting
Tylenol-MP3 - for the pain caused by illegal downloading
Polka-Seltzer - fast relief after a night of beer barrels, cabbage rolls and half-steps
Eminenema - for the release of excessive pent-up rage
Reggaine - regrowth for those thinning dreadlocks
PeteBestrogen - relieves the disappointment of being kicked out of bands
Sinatracal - your croon won't be the only thing that stays smooth with this high fiber powder
Dylanol - clears nasal passages fast
Protoolamine - relieves wavering pitch
Jambandivent - for those headaches caused by excessive noodling
J-Lotrel - for media overexposure of all kinds
Keefix - a reanimating elixir, endorsed by Keith Richards
Cherzone - for relief of pain from multiple plastic surgeries
Calexipro - to manage anxiety related to niche marketing

::


On this page you can see exactly who will be on your ballot.
Michigan only. Anyone living in Guatemala should call their friends in Michigan and ask them questions.

::

Uh...flying lawn mower movie?

buzz
Call me simple, but this little movie had me laughing all the way to the...         ...I got nuthin'

::


Stupid Democrats.
Hey jackasses, our job is hard enough without you dillweeds printing up handbooks on how to "create" situations when none actually exist.

I guess the "Colorado Election Day Manual" is available. In it, the Colorado Dems give advice on how to throw their arms in the air and make a lot of noise claiming voters (particularly minorities) have been intimidated away from the voting booth:
"If no signs of intimidation techniques have emerged yet, launch a pre-emptive strike."
C'mon guys, we're better than that.

::


This is how birds have sex.
Now Jennifer can sleep at night.


Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

::


FINALLY! Drummers' days are numbered thanks to P.E.A.R.T, the Robotic Drum Machine.
I'm certain the "This is Lock and Loll" guy is behind it somehow.

::

Lick It Up
eats chutes and leaves.

::


Thanks Earl
Thanks Goody
Thanks David


Comments: 0
Monday, October 18, 2004

Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America. 



Jon Stewart on Crossfire.
A lot of people are talking about this. He basically makes an empassioned plea to the hosts of CNN's "debate" program Crossfire, asking them to re-think their partisan "spinning" and create an actual forum for political discussion.

CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show...and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
STEWART: Absolutely.
CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...
STEWART: You're on CNN! The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls!
                 What is wrong with you?

Transcript Here:

::

Awesome Find Of The Weekend:
I was hanging out in Office Depot (or Office Max...Or Max Depot...whatever) looking at printer labels, and I noticed that on Avery's Matte White High Visisbilty Labels, the example on the package says:
Tyler Durden
420 Paper Street.


I am Jack's clever graphic designer     I am Jack's clever graphic designer
I would hope someone got a promotion for that, but in reality they probably got fired.

::


Ha! Here is a SPECTACULAR Video of a Mustang in a police chase that must be being driven by one (or both) of the Duke boys...
Two full 360s, then a backward chase, and just when you think it's over....Bammo! It starts again!

::


TK-421 Why aren't you at your post?
even evil needs some salad every once in a while

::

I took some photos of leaves this weekend.

make like a tree, and get outta here

looks like Joslyn had the same idea.

::


Best Photos of 2004.
I dunno who is saying this, but they're right.

::


Ladies and Gentlemen: The Misfats.
The world's heaviest Misfits tribute band.

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks Gerard
Thanks Lee
Thanks Chris
Thanks Rob
Thanks David
Thanks Matt
Thanks PJ


Comments: 0
Friday, October 15, 2004

"Something called AMG, whatever that is!" - Bryan Adams 



from TraditionalValues.org

::


Anybody bitching about how "AMG should go back to the old format" could look at NYC's Z-100.
They've got all of our content and it displays a lot like AMG version 1.0.
Plus you can just paste an A_ID or P_ID into the URL and look up the album or artist.

::


You could take this short Cool Person Test.
(although I'll bet it says you are still a dickhead)

::


Here is a guy called The Tourettes Guy.
Uh...it's a guy, who has tourettes syndrome, and they make movies of him swearing.

::

Lee's got a good Found Image on his blag:

blagfish
blagfish.

::


A guy who looks like Long Duck Dong does an awesome drum solo on a keyboard.
"This is Lock and Loll"

::


Here is the Potted Meat Museum.
Like "Coon"and "Milkfish in Tomato Sauce"

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks Earl
Thanks Lee
Thanks Jonny Ballz
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0
Thursday, October 14, 2004

Buckner, Nader. Nader, Buckner 



Richard Buckner's Touareg ad is finaly available online:
close on down
There's a little more blather here.

::


Beth wanted to hear some FoxPro jokes:

Q: How many VisualFoxPro programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!


"In FoxPro we had to code our own bugs. In VisualFoxPro we can inherit them."


HOW PROGRAMMERS HUNT ELEPHANTS:
FOXPRO programmers switch to newer and better rifles every few days which causes them to spend more time learning new shooting techniques than actually hunting.


Wacky Movie Titles with FoxPro Terms instead of words:
Malcom ActiveX
Fried RGB(0,255,0) Tomatoes
Fistfull of Transform[lyParm1, "@$"]
For a Few Transform[lyParm1, "@$"] More
The Valley of the DLL's
Indiana Jones and the Temple of DOM
Guess Who's COMMing to Dinner?
ON ESCAPE From Alcatraz
Visual Basic Instinct

See, they're not funny. That's why we don't put 'em on .:DataWhat:.


::

High quality fun at The Left: They all look like Monsters!
Oh that "John Kerry/Frankenstein" thing, that never gets old.

scary    scarier
Ralph Nader                               Count Alucard


That's all

::


Thanks David


Comments: 0
Wednesday, October 13, 2004

He says the show should be called 'Punch My Mustache' 



I wrote a long-winded review of the Blanche show at Hill Auditorium for MotorCityRocks.com...

...and finally my well-guarded crush on Tracee Mae Miller can be revealed!

::


Chicago Dave pointed out this motorcycle helmet for sale on e-Bay.
"This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's too small for her big fat head."
Thanks Quaz!
Oop! This may have been taken down...it was funny though...real funny.

::

The Top 5 Things Overheard in Martha Stewart's Cell

5. "OK, Ashton, you can come out and punk me now."
4. "I carved this soap into a glue gun."
3. "This isn't the first gated community I've lived in."
2. "Kmart is marketing my shivs in eight designer colors."
1. "I am NOT your bitch; I am my own."

::


Funny little cartoon about Outsourced Tech Support.
Beware of the "F-word" (by which I mean "fuck").

::


Here is Nick Nolte's Online Diary(?)
"The worse thing about going to wine country is the yuppies. Constance and I were just trying to get out of the city and relax. This is hard to do when you are jockeying for a parking space with some son of a bitch who can't wear socks with his sissy-loafers. Monolo finally got around to pitching me his idea for a fitness show. It turns out it is actually a reality show and has nothing to do with fitness. The basic idea is to humiliate people and have cash prizes. He says the show should be called 'Punch My Mustache.' I wasn't really paying attention, he said it was translated. Who knows? I have heard stranger ideas."

::

Recently Discovered: G-Dub's notes from the debates.
I like "Super Base #1"

::


"I hear there's...rumors, on the innernets."
G-Dub strikes again.

::


Bill O'Reilly is a filthy, filthy prick.
OCTOBER 13--Hours after Bill O'Reilly accused her of a multimillion dollar shakedown attempt, a female Fox News producer fired back at the TV star, filing a lawsuit claiming that he subjected her to repeated instances of sexual harassment and spoke often, and explicitly, to her about phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and sexual fantasies. Below you'll find a copy of Andrea Mackris's complaint, an incredible page-turner that quotes O'Reilly on all sorts of lewd matters. Based on the extensive quotations cited in the complaint, it appears a safe bet that Mackris recorded some of O'Reilly's more steamy soliloquies. For example, we point you to his Caribbean shower fantasies. While we suggest reading the whole thing, TSG will point you to interesting sections on a Thailand sex show, Al Franken, and the climax of one August 2004 phone conversation. (22 pages)

::

Speaking of filthy, I can think of two reasons to watch the new Lindsay Lohan video.

rumors, on the innernets

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks Earl
Thanks Lee
Thanks David
Thanks Matt
Thanks Chicago Dave
Thanks Sam


Comments: 0
Tuesday, October 12, 2004

never has one man done so much, for so few, at the expense of so many. 



Teamwork


There is no "I" in Drunk

::


A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits."

::


JibJab has another clip 'Good To Be In DC'
Hyar.

::

Top Ten Reasons to Re-Appoint George Bush

10) Because you don't change horsemen mid-Apocalypse.
9) Because the deficit is not growing fast enough.
8) Because corporations are people too.
7) Because the other guy is distracted by healthcare, education, and the environment.
6) Because 1.7 million jobs lost is just a start.
5) Because never has one man done so much, for so few, at the expense of so many.
4) Because there's a lot more of our oil still trapped under their soil.
3) Because second-rate people don't deserve a first-rate education.
2) Because global warming means better tans.
1) Because Fox News told me to.

::


Porchsleeper's "Every Day is Better Than the Next" gets reviewed in this week's Metro Times!
Whoever that Johnny Loftus guy is, he deserves a beer.

::

OK, so some boner at ABC News came out with a (horribly written) memo
saying that ABC should do more work to get Kerry elected.
Not good, guys.
Drudge reported on it, but the thing I like is the actual scan of the memo:

uh...OK
click me

Can you read that?
Geez M crow, I forgot my decoder ring.
This guy could be saying that he enjoys wearing granny panties when nobody else is around...

::


Hey, did you ever want to listen to pretty much every popular album ever?
Get it now before it gets totally smacked down by "The Man"

::


U2 did an iPod ad featuring their new song "Vertigo."
Interesting how this is sort of an ad for two new things...

::

I wrote a review of the new Hem record Eveningland
when I was drinking, and I was with you
I get a little gushy, but boy do I like that band.

::


Thanks David
Thanks J-Lo
Thanks Earl
Thanks Paul
Thanks Matt


Comments: 0
Monday, October 11, 2004

Jesus, Even My Condiments Are "Rocking The Vote" Now? 



Ladies and Gentlemen: W Ketchup

The leading competitor not only has 57 varieties, but has 57 foreign factories as well.
W Ketchup comes in one flavor: American.

::


"So Long Superman!"
Christopher Reeve: He's D.Y.K.

::


New favorite website: YouForgotPoland.com

Actually just a quick series of photos of Bush and Kerry with various banners and signs to remind us all of Poland.

::


Hey Rob, they have some Opus X cigars in stock at Maison Edwards.
limit two per customer.

::

Maeve and I checked out the new William Shatner/Ben Folds record today.
Has Been
Wow. Quite good! Not really too funny. Actually good!
There's one song on there recounting when he found his wife drowned in their pool which is startlingly moving.
Plus: Aimee Mann, Adrian Belew, Jon Auer, Matt Chamberlain, Hank Rollins, Joe Jackson and a song written by Nick Hornby.

::


God Hates Jeb Bush.
Spectacular image of the paths of the hurricanes and the counties that voted Republican in 2000.
Thanks Pop

::


Feelin' It!
POW!
We're way into the big black fist comin' in from the left.

::


How much should you be making in Ann Arbor as a Technical Producer II - Web?
What about if you were a Content Engineer II - Web?
Or an Ann Arbor-based Editorial Assistant - Web?
Sad yet? How 'bout Editor - Web?

Aw, those people probably hate their jobs. Not like us, right guys?

::


Everyone else should just tune out now.

I was looking all over for information on this goofy old novelty recording my Grandpa had. "The Google" had nothing under the searches I was tried.
Uncle Dave Lewis came through with the goods so I figured I'd put it on the dang old interweb so other losers could find it in the future.

There is a comedy recording from 1962, called "The Last Blast of the Blasted Bugler"10/11/2004 (also possibly called "The Legend of Gunga Din.") by Sonny Gianotta 10/11/2004
I thought it was attributed to Peter Sellers from his movie "The Party" but I guess not. 10/11/2004

The piece starts out with a "man on the scene" reporter stating that Gunga Din waits at his post and sees the enemy troops approaching. He knows that sounding his bugle "might mean certain death." 10/11/2004 "Undaunted, he raises the bugle to his lips" and sounds the alarm call, a rallying bugle cry. Soon a whole mess of shots ring out and the battlefield goes silent. Then, a belabored bugle sounds again, followed by another volley of shots. Just when the listener thinks that poor Gunga Din is dead, the bugle calls again, although fainter and definitely not doing so well: warbling and flopping like a dying fish. As can be predicted, this goes on for a little while until the bugle blurts out one last peep and falls silent. The voiceover finally says: "By the living God that made you/ You’re a better man than I am Gunga Din" 10/11/2004

Words I Looked For: Bugle 10/11/2004 Gunga Din Funny Comedy 10/11/2004 Gunshots Recording Sixties The Party 10/11/2004 Son of Gunga Din Legend of Gunga Din Ballad of Gunga Din 10/11/2004 Trumpet

Anyway, this piece is called "The Last Blast of the Blasted Bugler" 10/11/2004by Sonny Gianotta10/11/2004 if anybody is ever looking.

Available Here
and Here

::


Thanks David
Thanks Steve
Thanks Pop
Thanks Uncle Dave
Thanks Leighton
Thanks Aaron
Thanks Rob


Comments: 0
Friday, October 08, 2004

Hot Side Hot, Cool Side Cool. 



::


Explanitory letter to the guy who stole my digital camera:
"First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on the acquisition of a Casio Exilim S20 compact digital camera. No doubt it was an exciting find.

As you may have noticed, the Casio Exilim is a 2.0 Megapixel beauty with a 4X digital zoom. At under a half-inch thick, it's the perfect camera to put in your pocket and lose while dining out.

No doubt, you're wondering why the memory card contains 17 close-ups of a cat's ass."

::


Gold medalist Carl Lewis Sings.
Gold medalist Carl Lewis Acts.
Who knew?

::


Salon.com article about the weird bulge in G-Dub's back during the debate:

battle of the bulge

Conspiracy theorists think he may have been receiving transmissions on what to say.

More at IsBushWired.com:

::


Possible Episode 3 teaser poster?
No, but it's pretty cool.

::


Thanks Chris
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Lee


Comments: 0
Thursday, October 07, 2004

Chasing the Chicken 



Romanian mistakenly cuts off penis, dog eats it.
Can't fool me, this dude is into weird shit.
Reminds me of all the stories of guys who come into the emergency room with foreign objects lodged in their rectum (Rectum? I nearly killed 'em!)
"Uh, no...no, I was trying to change a light bulb naked with a pickle in my other hand and a flashlight in my teeth, but when the chair slipped out from under me, the pickle, the light bulb and the flashlight all fell directly into my ass. And then I cut my penis off by accident and my dog accidentally ate it. God's truth."

::


Great movie that cuts together all of the keywords from the Republican National Convention like September 11th, September 11th, September 11th, September 11th.
Also popular: "Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists, Terrorists."

::


Love with The Zombies at the Royal Oak Music Theater this Sunday.
Who knew?

::

The Donk's Mom brings the funny:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

::


Miss Earth 2004 Pageant:

Peep little chick

::


October 5 Luna Update

We’ve received a lot of kind emails, people asking why the will be going into retirement next year. Of course with a decision like this, the reasons are multifold. Here are ten explanations I have been giving to journalists:

 1. Rock and Roll is killing my life.
 2. The Universe is Expanding.
 3. There are too many bands out there, travelling around, singing their songs etc.
 4. Too much time spent in 15-passenger vans. According to 20/20, these things flip over.
 5. Too many hands to shake, that means germs.
 6. Too many dinners at Wendy's.
 7. People are dying in Iraq.
 8. This is what bands do (with a few exceptions, like R.E.M. and Metallica, and the Rolling Stones).
     Those bands, however, are multibillion dollar corporations.
     You don’t break that up unless the government forces you to.
 9. Hotel Electravision.
10. Time to Quit.

  - Dean Wareham

::



::

Recent DataWhat Search Results:
"awful plastic surgery" locklear
"git r done" +audio clip
john kerry ultimate frisbee GQ
"defend from a jew"
bubb rub lil sis whistle tip detroit
stink-eye cowboy
download rusty the narcoleptic dog
windows shutdown aw crap wav

::


Thanks Dadid
Thanks David
Thanks Dan
Thanks Mac
Thanks Donkers
Thanks George


Comments: 0
Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Stinkfinger 



Hilarious Yahoo News ripoff site:

stinkfinger
Secretary of State Colin Powell takes a moment to savor
the bouquet of his boss, President George W. Bush as they wait
for a cab in front of a public restroom in Washington, DC Thursday.
                                                      - May 30 6:11 PM ET


::


Greg McIntosh has a blog.
Clever and insightful.

::


Come see Porchsleeper Thursday night and I'll set Steve's thong on fire.
Treephort concerts routinely feature members dousing a thong with hairspray before igniting it with a lighter, singer Lee Satterfield said. "We've all done it from time to time," he said. "We're professionals; we know what we're doing."

::

Hey Everybody! We're all gonna get laid!
stinkfinger
Rodney Dangerfield: He's D.Y.K.

::


Just Finished: The Mansion on the Hill by Fred Goodman (464pp, Paperback)
Dylan, Young, Geffen, Springsteen, and the Head-on Collision of Rock and Commerce. A little dry, but there are some good stories in there. If you're not already familiar with some of the players (Irving Azoff, Jon Landau, John Kalodner, Albert Grossman, John Sinclair) you might feel lost. Not recommended, Gerard.

::


Will Pigs Fly?
Pink Floyd reunion tour?
All rumor at this stage...

::


open wide
$23.95 six-pound cheeseburger.

::


Follow-up on that smoking pregnant lady who was concerned with the effect that road construction might be having on her baby.
I guess when reporters came to ask her what she thought of the internet furor over the image, she came to her door smoking a cigarette.

::


Thanks Chris
Thanks Steve
Thanks Goody


Comments: 0

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